Tag Archives: death of a spouse


You will not hear me say, “Time heals.” I have said that hearts do heal and it happens unconsciously. I have said that joy is possible. That is not the same thing. Believe it or not, although time lends some anesthesia to the gut-wrenching pain – for those that succumb to grief it is too late. Grief actually wrecks lives and destroys a persons’ health over time. Healing from grief is torturous hard work. Most people don’t believe they will heal and I was one of those people. Healing isn’t about fixing anything so that’s it goes back to how it was. There are scars forever. And nothing heals when it festers either. In my fourth year of bereavement I wrote: How can my heart ever heal when it continues to bleed? The answer was that it couldn’t! Continue reading

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It seemed that she had a lot more to say on the topic of optimism and grief. The post was named Killing Optimism. Her words were searing and the amputation of her soul was complete. It made me realize how foolish grief comparisons were between the loss of a child versus a soul mate. Clearly her amputated soul was nothing I would ever want to measure. Continue reading

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I have grappled with other forms of grief. I had surviving children with special needs, sick parents and currently I’m going through a divorce. When I remember that I’ve had worse pain with the death of my son in the past, it minimizes my feelings and doesn’t give me permission to feel. It may be true that the loss of a child is THE WORST. But no one can truly know another persons’ pain. I want you to heal. Your pain is unbearable. It is worse than anyone else’s because no one else loved your son as you did. I look forward to the day when you’ll know that having THE WORST pain is over. It won’t be as horrible. Hang in there. Continue reading

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