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It has already been over a month since I returned from my thrilling vacation to Costa Rica.
I’ve missed writing, but I’ve had some “writer’s block” lately. So much of my energy has been directed towards getting healthy as I continue to lose weight on a strict diet program. This past week, I reached the milestone of 25 pounds. I’m also taking a lot of supplements through my naturopathic doctor, and that regimen (literally) has been a lot for me to swallow.
Since my trip, I’ve decided to carry that same spirit of adventure with me at home. I started out by doing something I never expected; I signed up on an Internet dating site. So far, all I’ve done is read profiles with curiosity. It feels very strange, but I like the idea that I am open to possibilities.
This past Thanksgiving was a perfect time for me to celebrate how much healthier I am. My nagging cough (related to gastric reflux) finally disappeared so I can sing freely again. Most of all, my dry eye condition has improved to where it no longer rules my life. I cry tears of joy for this miracle.
My music continues to give me great pleasure. Every other week, I perform two of my original songs at Kulak Woodshed’s “Twofer Night.” I usually pick ones that I’ve recently recorded for my acoustic albums. I’m still working with my wonderful vocal coach, Hannah. Her support kept me uplifted and excited about singing even when I had my cough.
Unfortunately, living with my two adult sons has affected my ability to record and sing at home. I am seldom alone in our small apartment and when either one is home I feel very inhibited to sing. This has been an ongoing struggle for me.
Last week, I had lunch with my mother’s former companion, Miriam. It was so comforting to be with her; our connection is very special. Miriam really understood what I went through as my mother declined with dementia.
I confessed to Miriam that I felt guilty because I forgot to light my mother’s memorial (Yartzeit) candle this year. My mother was very observant with this custom and I had promised myself I’d do this very thing for her. But somehow the date (which is different every year) wasn’t marked down on my calendar, and quietly went by.
The feelings brought up by this were familiar ones. I was never religious the way my mother wanted me to be and I felt badly that I disappointed her. The fact that she was gone didn’t change that.
Miriam held my hands and looked into my teary eyes and told me, “Judy, you were there for your mom while she was alive. Everyone at the nursing home was amazed by your love and devotion. Did you know they still remember you and always ask me how you are doing?”
Her words helped me smile through my tears.
I chose to find a different way to look at this to feel better. Instead of lighting a candle, I memorialized my mother with songs. It was just as valid.
And coincidently “Memory of Love” was a song I had been working on that same week. I decided it would be the title of the next acoustic album I’d release, so I began designing an album cover for it.
Composing music is a spiritual experience for me. I crave it, but cannot force it to happen. In addition to the lack of quiet space and time, I believe my diet regimen and low energy has made it hard for me to feel creative.
My last composition, which I named “My Healing Song,” remains unfinished. I just haven’t found any lyrics in my heart to write down. I’ve wondered if perhaps the purpose of my beautiful instrumental was to heal me and words weren’t needed.
Even without writing a new song, I’ve enjoyed relearning my older songs as I continue to record my entire music library. I have over 50 songs compositions and I’m very determined to have an acoustic version of every single one.
What I love most about my music, are the connections it has brought me to other people.
Sometimes, inspiration comes to me when I least expect it. I have hardly promoted my music despite having many CD’s available for sale.
When a meditation app called “Insight Timer” asked me a few months ago if I would be interested in sharing my meditation album on their site, I agreed. I wouldn’t receive money, but I’d get credit and a link back to my blog and music. I considered it to be free advertising.
My meditation album (named “Set You Free”) can be heard on the right side of this blog. That album contains the last music I created with my former arranger, George. It has been over a year since I’ve seen him and I am still working through my sadness about that musical chapter of my life ending.
When I listen to those beautiful meditation songs, I get pangs remembering the struggles I had working with George; he did not like creating them with me at all.
But then something beautiful happened and I found the fuel I needed to change my thinking.
One day, I went to the “Insight Timer” site to see if my album had been listened to.
Not only had thousands of people listened to my songs, there were hundreds of sweet comments for me to read. I replied to every single one.
I had connected with the hearts of people all over the world! The comments for my meditation song “Memory of Love” especially left me teary as I read them. What touched me most was the fact that my music was completely instrumental. Even without lyrics my song’s message was felt.
I share a sampling of comments at the end of this post.
I want to mention again how I’ve decided to carry a sense of adventure since returning from my vacation in Costa Rica. Thoughts lead to how I feel and can change everything.
Instead of mourning that I’ll never have another meditation album like “Set You Free” again, I began looking for a new arranger.
I’ve already found someone. He is very accomplished and so far has been easy to work with. Our session this past week was wonderful and I look forward to sharing more about it soon.
Seeing life as an adventure has definitely made life more exciting for me!
© 2016 by Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.