A long time ago, I thought it was hopeless that I could take an enjoyable vacation with my three children. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enjoyable most of the time!

I laughed when I noticed one of my ear buds was hanging out of my fanny pack in many pictures. I actually didn’t really listen to music much on my trip. This picture was taken during the time in Seattle before our cruise.

With my sons . . .

and with my daughter.

For some reason, I haven’t felt like writing much about my recent trip. Alaska was beautiful and I was able to spend a lot of time with all three of my children. I adore my kids, but to be honest – the dynamics of all three of them together are something else. I did my best to relax and enjoy my vacation, but I’ve come to the conclusion that my life at home is a vacation!

I treasure my current peaceful life because it wasn’t always that way. Sometimes I look back with awe that I managed to raise children with challenges, oversee my elderly parents’ care, shop for a large household and pay the bills. I did all of this while working as a commercial artist, too.

When I began my blog, it was fabulous therapy for me. Now that I am peaceful, I find myself unsure of what I want to write for my blog. I wait for inspiration to come and spend most of my time pursuing my passion for music.

Even though I am peaceful, I’m still very much attached to the subject of grief and healing. Lately, it has been on the forefront of my mind because I will be sharing my story soon to a large audience on the meditation app named Insight Timer.

I will upload my Insight Timer audio recording on this blog when it’s done. But today I have a story I want to share. Past memories and present moments intersect; when I feel moved I find myself writing again.

I have a good friend – her name is Janis. Her son, David was a good friend of my son, Jason. I have pictures and stories related to their friendship. It has been many years now since Jason died and Janis told me that her son doesn’t remember him anymore. The important part is that my friend helped me through that difficult time and remained my friend. I hold onto that.

Jason loved to sing. In this picture he is singing with his friend David, who is holding Jason’s guitar.

I took Janis out to lunch and for an inexpensive Thai massage on her birthday last year. After our massage, she said, “Judy, this is so wonderful! It’s reasonable and we should do this every month. We’ll put it on the calendar and treat ourselves to it!”

I smiled and agreed. Although we didn’t do it every single month, it became a new routine to add into my peaceful life. And it was always nice to see Janis and catch up with her. Now it would be more often than our usual once or twice a year birthday lunches.

I don’t consider my feet to be “pretty,” but with a pedicure it’s a definite improvement! And it’s another thing I enjoy regularly in my “peaceful life.”

At our most recent lunch/massage last week, we talked about how things were going for our children. I updated my friend on what was new with me. I was back from my Alaska cruise and excited about the new musical arrangements I was creating. But I had received a message a few days earlier. It wasn’t an ordinary message. It was extraordinary.

It came from a woman named Sammi whom I had corresponded with for almost five years. When her adult son died, she was inconsolable. I felt compelled to respond to almost every message she wrote related to her grief. Sometimes, I wasn’t sure that what I wrote was helpful at all. But her recent message thanked me in ways that were too beautiful to describe. It was so inspirational that it deserves another story, which I will write soon.

My post title is a line of lyrics from my song named “It’s Not Forever.” That song was inspired by my dialog with Sammi. I recently recorded a new vocal for my song.

IT’S NOT FOREVER 6/18/17 – Copyright 2016 by Judy Unger

With a few tears, I read aloud Sammi’s message to Janis and she agreed that it was indeed special. At the end the message, Sammi mentioned that I was right about grief becoming easier after five years.

“It’s interesting that she mentioned five years,” Janis said. “After my divorce, I remember hearing that number. Of course, divorce is quite different from the death of a child – so please know I’m not comparing it. But I read a book that talked about how it took about five years to adjust and come out of the tunnel.”

I looked at Janis and said, “I’ve got chills! I separated in July of 2012. Do you realize that next month it will be five years for me? It is so true.”

I added, “I’m thankful my dry eyes are better and I’ve lost weight – I feel healthy again. Oh, and last month, it was also the fifth anniversary of my father’s death.”

I didn’t remember telling my friend, Sammi that her grief would ease in five years. A memory of mine that was buried deeply began to form.

A long time ago, I was given hope that I’d feel better when another bereaved mother told me that it would take seven years. Perhaps I hadn’t had the courage to tell Sammi seven years, I said five years instead.

I could not find any respite during my deep grief. It was horrible and indescribable. There are few words I can find to describe the suffering.

It was like living in a fog, except it was not really living.

During that time period, I remember I had a friend who wanted me to have a pedicure. She spoke very highly of her pedicurist. I never had one before in my life and she gave me a gift certificate to get one for my birthday.

It was the last thing I wanted to do. In my desolate state I somehow followed through and made an appointment with her pedicurist to redeem my gift.

The pedicurist’s name was Maddy. I told her my friend spoke very highly of her and that this was my first time having a pedicure. I think I cried during the entire process and Maddy spoke gently to me. She told me about her son that died from leukemia many years before.

When she mentioned her surviving son, I shared with her my inability to comfort my own surviving son. He screamed nonstop and we watched videos of Jason to help us cope with our grief.

Maddy’s surviving son’s name was Mitch and then a light bulb went off. Her last name rang a bell because I went to middle school with her son! I never knew he had a brother that died and it made me feel very sad for him.

When my pedicure was done, I tearfully hugged and thanked her. She had given me so many words of wisdom to help me with my grief. I was still in a fog, but I felt lighter.

I never saw Maddy again and it was twenty years before I had another pedicure. In my peaceful life, it is something I enjoy having on a regular basis.

But I couldn’t forget Maddy’s words to me.

“It will take seven years for the agony to subside. In seven years you will definitely start to feel better.”

Not long ago, I attended my 40th high school reunion. I even connected with people who didn’t attend the reunion. This was due to a lovely Facebook group/page dedicated to my high school graduating class.

After the reunion, I decided to post something about myself on that Facebook page. Many of the people I met who hadn’t seen me in decades, remembered me as a maze artist. It was a big achievement for me to have published a book of mazes while in junior high.

Link to my story about my mazes:  #2 MY AMAZING JOURNEY

I enjoyed the lovely comments people made who remembered me. And then I saw his name. It was Maddy’s son, Mitch!

I couldn’t believe Mitch still had one of the mazes I drew for him in Junior High! He mentioned how he turned his life around and I decided to ask him about his mother.

With an open heart, I shared my feelings about his mom with him. There was no reason to sidestep mentioning my memories. I wanted to counter the part where he called himself a “stoner.” After experiencing the kind of loss he went through, it explained how he coped with his pain.

I believe everyone has his or her own lonely path to follow with grief. I consider it to be a lifelong journey that led me somewhere else; never back to the place I was in before it happened. I used to mourn that, but now I accept it.

After seven years, my agony did subside. But true healing and joy did not return for me until the rediscovery of music 18 years after my son’s death.

Every day, I am thankful for the miracle of healing in my life.

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Links to more stories about this song: EVERY SEASON

Leaf 1

When I wrote my song “Every Season” in 2011, it helped me to release my sadness over the death of my son, Jason. With every passing season, I remembered his life and mourned that he would “never grow old.”

I originally wrote these lyrics: “and my sadness will always be, every season you come back to me.”

Sadness will always be

When I created a new arrangement for this song this past April, I decided to change that line slightly. I revised it to: “my love will always be, every season you return to me.”

I have many songs about holding onto love. I felt that line was a triumph over the grief that ruled my life for decades. How could I be healed and still sing that my sadness would always be?

But when I went to sing this change, it ended up not working out as well as I had hoped. I wasn’t satisfied with how it sounded vocally and decided to keep my older line.

I concluded that my sadness isn’t something I have to dismiss. Remembering sadness doesn’t negate the fact that I am peaceful now and able to find joy in life. I embrace honesty. I will always carry sadness over his death and the fact that he never had a chance to grow up.

A picture with my brother, Norm.

I just returned from a cruise to Alaska with my three adult children. It all came about because my brother, Norman and his wife, Jo were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and invited me to join them and their children.

It was hard for me to believe it had been 25 years since their wedding. And of course, Jason participated in it – he was so excited to be their ring bearer. He died five months after their wedding.

On the last day of our trip, I was fairly exhausted and ready to go home. I wished I had actually spent more time with Norm and Jo, but the trip flew by and we were all busy with our children and the many activities we had planned.

Thankfully, I did spend some time with Norm and Jo on an excursion in Skagway, Alaska.

It was on our last day when I ran into them, as we were getting ready to leave the ship to go to the airport. I put down my suitcase and hugged my brother. I reached over to hug my sister-in-law, Jo and she handed me an envelope.

She said, “I wasn’t sure whether you’d get this in time if I mailed it, so I carried it along so I could give it to you at the end of our trip.”

I glanced at the envelope. It meant so much to me that she had remembered my little boy. I was overcome with emotion and began sobbing aloud. 

My three adult children looked uncomfortable to see me crying. I wiped my tears away and they all said, “Sorry, mom. We hope you feel better.”

I couldn’t explain to them what my emotions were. I just had to cry.

After I released it, I felt better.

We took a family picture in Seattle where we spent two days before our cruise. Uh oh! My earbuds are hanging out of my fanny pack!

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More about my butterfly illustrations can be found at this link: https://foodartist.wordpress.com/2010/08/15/31-winging-these-illustrations/

It was a beautiful spring day and I looked forward to going out to breakfast with my dear friend Miriam. I never wanted to let too much time go by without seeing her. She had been my late mother’s caregiver and she had also taken care of my father. Even though it was almost five years since my mother died, she and I would always remain connected.

Miriam knocked on my apartment door; we hugged tightly and began chatting away. I told her I was taking her to a new restaurant and treating her for her birthday.

We sat outside on the patio of a lovely cafe and appreciated the cool weather. We were enjoying our food and conversation when I noticed the woman at the next table was staring at me. I smiled at her and she said, “You are very beautiful.”

I blushed and thanked her. I wasn’t used to hearing that as a 57-year-old woman! Miriam bubbled words of agreement. I was embarrassed but thought, “What a nice day I’m having!”

The woman’s name was Teddy and she wanted to explain what she noticed about me. “You have a light that shines from you. It is very powerful,” she said.

We began to converse across our tables. It amazed me how easy it was to chat about personal things with a complete stranger. I even felt goose bumps on my arms when Teddy shared about her brother’s death. Miriam had a lot of experience with hospice and there were many deep things we talked about easily.

It turned out that Teddy was a successful model from Tanzania, Africa.

Perhaps this was enough for me to write a story. But what happened next seemed almost surreal.

I was savoring my food in the fresh air and Miriam continued chatting with our new friend across our table. Suddenly, the restaurant door opened and a pretty blond woman with a young boy walked right over to me.

This woman touched my arm and said, “I was inside the restaurant watching you. You are a very special person. I couldn’t stop looking your way and had to come over to tell you.”

“I’m very honored,” I told her. I couldn’t believe it!

She said she was a hospice nurse. Miriam and I looked at each other. She talked about where she worked with Miriam and then she looked at me and said, “A very good friend of mine died last night.

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

She continued, “My friend told me to look for a sign. She loved butterflies, especially blue ones. I noticed your earrings right away. I believe you are a sign to me that she’s alright.”

At first, I didn’t know what to say.  Then I said, “That’s amazing because I love butterflies – they represent transformation in many different ways. Butterflies are a great metaphor for grief and healing.”

After that, I shared how much I loved the music that healed me. More than anything, I was uplifted if I could comfort other people with my gentle songs.

We talked a few minutes longer about music. “I have a lot of music at my website that I’d love to share with you. Here’s my card,” I said.

I handed her my card and she gasped – my card had a blue butterfly.

Before she left she asked, “Would it be okay if I took a picture of you and your earrings?”

I posed and Miriam took a few pictures.

I hugged her and felt completely inspired.

Miriam and I were bubbling as we left the restaurant. There just weren’t enough words to describe what had happened.

I decided that the music from my heart was my light.

On this beautiful day, it certainly shined brightly.

Miriam had fun taking some selfies of us in her car afterwards.

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Last month, I attended my 40th high school reunion. It was one of those rare occasions where I had my hair and makeup done.

I am so blessed to be a free-lance artist. After many months without any kind of artwork, I had two large projects come in on the same day. Even though my workload was a bit intense, I finished both my jobs a few days ago and I am definitely celebrating. I leave on a trip to Alaska next week with my three adult children and wanted to finish them before then.

Despite having 11 illustrations to paint in 3 weeks, I continued creating music that I love with my new arranger. Everything we worked on just got better and better. The new arrangements were magnificent – they were beautiful symphonies I enjoyed listening to while working on my paintings.

I recently finished arrangements for “Every Season” and “Alabaster Seashell.” I am going to share them, as well as the guitar tracks that will be the basis for a new arrangement of my song “Set You Free.” When my vocals are done, I’ll post them with stories about those songs.

SET YOU FREE – Two guitars – Copyright 2017 by Judy Unger


EVERY SEASON ARRANGEMENT – Copyright 2017 by J Unger

I named my post “My Fairytale Life” because it feels that way lately. On several occasions, I’ve had strangers come over to me and tell me I am shining and radiant with my big smile. Well – I love hearing that and have every reason to smile!

I share a link to a post I wrote four years ago where I also mention “my fairytale life.” It could be considered Part 1 of this story:  MY DREAM HAS ME BLESSED.

My fairytale is all about how rediscovering music in 2010 changed my life.

Memories of trauma seldom erupt from me anymore. I embrace my past because it has led me to where I am today. All of my heartbreak has eased because of music, which envelopes my heart with joy.

Now I am going to share some recent pictures!

I am posing with Delia at the Macy’s make-up counter. She was lovely and did a great job making me up!

After my makeup session, I put on my dress in the Macy’s restroom.

I could write an entire post about my 40th high school reunion, but will sum it up.

Even though I didn’t clearly remember many of the high school attendees at the reunion, it didn’t matter. We were all connected by our memories and life experiences since then. I suddenly found I had new friends and looked forward to future lunch dates filled with reminiscing and reconnecting.

Pretty funny how everyone would bend over to check out each other’s name tags!

I like my color picture better! Who is that girl?

I was very touched when a woman told me she enjoyed reading my blog. I almost felt naked because my blog is such an honest expression of my heart and soul.

I also caught up with a few good friends I never lost touch with. We spoke about very deep subjects and the time at flew by. Soon it was time for this Cinderella to get home and focus on finishing her many paintings!

On my last post, I wrote about the wonderful App named Insight Timer where I have a large audience for my instrumental music. Every day I receive messages from people all over the world telling me how comforting my music is for them. I even had a lovely Skype conversation with a new friend in Greece whom I met through Insight Timer.


I was very excited about meeting the CEO, Christopher Plowman and his assistant, Maddy Gerard a few weeks ago. We met for tea at a restaurant in Santa Monica named Shutters by the Beach.

Christopher and Maddy were very warm and I brought some of my artwork to share with them. I told them my story, and Christopher shared how he bought Insight Timer two years ago and the progress he had made with it since then. Now Insight Timer is the most popular free meditation site available and has close to two million meditators.

I think these pictures once again show my big smile and joy.

I especially loved when Christopher shared the Insight Timer philosophy. He said, “We do not actively promote our site. Our belief is that by putting something special out there and being open to the universe, we are hopeful people will come to us.”

Well his motto is exactly what has happened for me.

I dislike promoting my music for money. I prefer to put all of my energy into creating music that moves me; music that I love. And with my willingness to freely share my music on Insight Timer, I have found a loving audience and made wonderful new friendships.

I also find it an amazing coincidence that my blog name carries the word insight!

A few weeks after our meeting, I received a message from Maddy. She asked me if I would like to be the host for a week of meditations related to grief and healing. I would choose 6 other meditations in addition to my own for every day of the week. And the best part was that I would also have an opportunity to share a brief recording about myself.

How beautiful that I have found an ideal platform to speak about how music healed me from my grief.

These are two of my recent illustrations which will be used on yogurt labels.

Below is my correspondence with a woman I went to high school with 40 years ago. She did not attend the reunion, but sent me a message after seeing the pictures I posted on our reunion’s Facebook page. I’m excited about my new friend! (Clicking on the image makes it larger).

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Guiding my thought processes through hypnotherapy has been “instrumental” in teaching me to live in a positive way. When my head spins with stories that aren’t helpful for me, I am constantly reframing those stories into new ones that feel better.

A few weeks ago, I felt very uninspired. I told myself that it was a long time since I had done anything creative. I hadn’t had an art assignment for months. I wished I could compose a new song or write a touching story for my blog. But instead, I was numb, closed up and kind of blah.

I was under hypnosis and searching for another way of thinking that would be more helpful. I said aloud to my therapist, Connie, “I want to be creative and inspired. I am open to it!”

And then a light bulb went off – that was it! Being open was my key.

After that session, I felt a creative rush and wrote OPENING UP- PART 2. But there was more that I saved for this Part 3.

There was a line from Don Maclean’s song “American Pie” that always hit me strongly: “The day the music died.” For me, my music died for almost 30 years. I never dreamed my songs would ever live again. But when they returned to me in 2010, I was reborn.

In 1980, I recorded 20 of my songs on a cassette tape. Thirty years later, that cassette helped me relearn my songs. I believe that explains my current passion for having my songs recorded. It is my way of keeping them alive, of having them live on.

Part 1 of this story (OPENING UP–PART 1) was written seven years ago and describes my first experience of having my music recorded and arranged by a man named George. George and I worked together on a weekly basis for five years and I amassed a large collection of arrangements.

The joy that came to me through the beautiful music George arranged helped me through the deaths of both my parents and my divorce. I was thankful for the comfort music gave me.

In some ways, the ending of my relationship with George was harder than my divorce. I didn’t believe I could ever find someone else that would understand my music the way he did.

For over a year, I recorded music at home. It was actually very beneficial to discover what it was like to be “on my own.” Although it didn’t carry the excitement I achieved while working with George, I did become much more intimately acquainted with my songs. I have 52 of them and my goal was to create a clean acoustic recording for each and every one. I have almost finished that goal.

My last project with George was a meditation album and we parted ways before the album was finished. I was very disappointed because I had only six songs, instead of the ten I planned on.

My meditation music made me sad because it reminded me of how my relationship with George ended.

Six months ago, a woman named Maddy contacted me and asked me if I’d be willing to upload my meditation music onto a site named Insight Timer. I was open to it and it was an excellent decision for me.

Suddenly, I had new friendships with people all over the world. Every day, I received touching messages and each one uplifted me. The appreciation became my fuel.

I used to bemoan all of my arrangements that lacked a good vocal. Now my unfinished arrangements found a new home on Insight Timer.

I wrote a blog story when I first joined Insight Timer and on it I shared some of the lovely messages I had received. (#538 MEMORY OF LOVE-PART 3)

A few days after that I received a message from Maddy. I couldn’t believe it – she had seen my blog story! She wrote:

“I came across your recent blog post and wanted to reach out to say how wonderful it was to read what a positive experience Insight Timer has been for you.  Our CEO, Christopher, read your blog post as well and felt such a sense of joy. It captured beautifully the authenticity and kindness of the community of Insight Timer.”

I am truly living my dream. When I connect with other people through my music, I feel indescribable joy. Last week, I released the full version of my six meditation songs. On only the first day, it was played over 4,000 times!

But I prefer not to focus on how many plays I’ve gotten. Reaching even one person in a big way is much more meaningful than anything else.

Two weeks ago, Maddy contacted me. She would be in Los Angeles with Christopher and we are planning to meet in a few days. Saying I’m excited would be an understatement. I plan to take a lot of pictures and write a story afterwards.


After moping for a year, being open is what led me to find a new arranger. I’m back in a magical place of loving the music we are creating. We’re working on our fifth song together and I plan to release an album once we’ve done ten songs. Each one is a gem and I am very involved in the arranging process. It turns out that my belief of “never finding someone else to understand my music” wasn’t true.

Did my openness after that hypnotherapy session lead to me writing a new song? It didn’t, but my longing to create new music led me to reframe my thinking.

Since I see my songs as babies, I don’t need to keep giving birth to feel fulfilled.

I get tremendous pleasure watching my songs grow and develop. My babies are growing up and I cherish each and every one!

Below is a guitar recording for my next arrangement of my song “Alabaster Seashell.” I am improving as a guitarist with my new “less is more” approach.

Alabaster Seashell Guitar arrangement in progress

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The aroma of jasmine has been intoxicating me this past week. Hannah, my vocal coach, took my picture in front of her home where there are many gorgeous star jasmine bushes in full bloom.

The springtime aroma and breezes inspire me. I’m going to open up this post by sharing a delicate “in progress” arrangement of my song “Every Season.” On my next post, I plan to open up more about my music and share this song as it progresses.

Click the blue links to play audio:

Every Season new arrangement in progress-Copyright 2017 by Judy Unger

EVERY SEASON – guitar and piano Copyright 2017 by Judy Unger

I’m going to move away from the topic of online dating. It was a huge thing for me to be open to dating again. After 38 years, I went on my first date with a new man I met on an online dating site. We went out twice and I enjoyed my time with him. But I’ve grown tired of looking at profile pictures and receiving strange messages. I’ve decided not to renew my dating site subscription at this time.

What really inspired me was a message I received from a fellow blogger and friend, D.D. Wood.

D.D’s blog Daily Divorce Meditations really helped me when I was going through my separation and divorce. I often left D.D. comments that reflected my fear of ever considering a new relationship.

Well, a month ago I shared with D.D. the news that I was open to dating again. I loved her response so much.

Judy, WOW!!!! I am proud! You are doing it! Getting healthy and moving forward. My mentor told me a great piece of advice: she said to go out and do all the things I loved and that by living my authentic life I would meet someone out there who loved those same things I was doing and that is exactly what happened… I met my love while walking the dog! So keep doing everything you love…. being authentic… that love is coming!

My new job will consist of more yogurt flavors like this one.

I’ll be working on a new illustration assignment soon, so I am glad I was able to post on all three of my blogs this week.

It’s been 18 months since I’ve updated my art blog, ILLUSTRATING MY LIFE. My post BEING OPEN was truly a pleasure to write.

For four years, I suffered with dry eyes. Dry eyes are very individual and every person is different. I glad I was open to trying an alternative remedy by working with a naturopathic doctor. Because many remedies set me back and irritated my eyes, that took perseverance and courage. On my Dry Eye blog, Dry Eye Diaries, my post I WAS HEALED shares hopefulness and the technique that helped me. If my story inspires or helps even one person, then I am blessed.

From the time I was married at the age of 21, I closed up with every passing year. I denied my feelings and ignored my intuition.

Once I had children, I had no time to think about how I felt. I had children with extreme challenges and lived in survival mode. I became an “advocate warrior,” which only continued when I became a caregiver for my parents.

It was opening my heart and sharing that put me on my amazing journey of insight.

One of my first blog stories was named Up and Out. At that time, I hadn’t yet found the courage to write about the death of my son, Jason. But it was after I wrote my story that I truly began to heal.

Only last month, I arranged this song. I read the lyrics at Jason’s funeral in 1992.

After my separation, I gained a lot of weight as I struggled with my dry eye condition and the guilt I felt from my divorce. Food became my friend and companion and it wasn’t a healthy relationship. I struggled to find inspiration and am so glad I was open to signing up for a medical weight loss program. I have now lost almost 40 pounds and feel so much better.

This is a before and after picture to show my weight loss.

At the age of 57, I am now able to live freely and openly. I am happier and far more peaceful than I ever imagined I could be.

Watching my children grow has been one of my greatest joys. In May, I am taking all three of my adult children on an Alaskan cruise. I planned this trip over a year ago. My brother and sister-in-law are celebrating their 25th anniversary and we are joining them with their children. All of us are anticipating this vacation with unbelievable excitement.

My journey has taken me to such wonderful places. I smile because I hear such beautiful music wherever I am!

Click the blue link to hear a new arrangement for “Beside Me Always:”

Beside Me Always Arrangement-Copyright 2017 by Judy Unger

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These lyrics from my song “Someone To Love You” were written to my children. But they definitely apply to me, too!

Link to Song Page for other stories, performance and recordings: SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU.

I share my arrangement for my song “Someone To Love You.” This song is part of my musical life as I continue having new adventures!


I am 57 and it was almost 40 years since I’d gone on a date. Looking at a dating site was one thing, but actually meeting someone was definitely out of my comfort zone. Because I felt a different energy and excitement, I decided it was good for me.

When I received a message that didn’t sound pasted and copied, I went to look at the man’s profile. He looked nice and I wrote him back. He shared his number and I decided to text him.

He started out by thanking me for texting him. Then he asked me how my day went.

I shared a few things I’d done and thanked him for asking. Except auto-correct put:

“Thanks for faking!”

I jumped when I saw that and quickly wrote, “Darn that auto-correct! I meant thanks for asking!”

He asked me how long I’d been on the dating site and I told him it was about a month. He wrote:

“I was just curious why an angel like you wasn’t picked yet. Maybe it’s my lucky month to have connected with you. Or rather, maybe all men are just blind!!”

I grinned and wrote:

“Aw, thank you! You’re sweet. I’m plain – not much into glamor! Now I’m really smiling. So many of those messages I’ve gotten are cut and pasted. You seem like a real person – a really nice person, too.

”He replied:

“You are welcome. I feel so cool that I could make you smile. That simply implies you are a very happy person yourself; as it takes just a little endeavor to make a happy person smile.”

I enjoyed texting with this man. He said nice things and sounded very interesting. His name was a little complicated because his father was Italian. He told me he loved his work; he had an engineering degree and designed custom cars.

He was a widower and we wrote about our children. It was touching when he wrote that he had decided it was time to embrace life again. It was well after midnight when I said good night. I told him I was looking forward to speaking with him the next day.

In the morning, I wrote him a message and told him when I was available to talk. In the evening I was going out with my girlfriends and wouldn’t be around. I didn’t hear anything from him until late afternoon and I told him I’d text him when I was home later in the evening.

I looked forward to seeing my friends. I waited until the other three women had ordered their food and then I dropped my bombshell. “Guess what?” I said, “You won’t believe this, but I’ve actually signed up for online dating!”

All of my friends practically jumped up. They clapped and their eyes collectively widened with surprise – they were so excited for me. It was fun to see their reaction; these were women who had seen me suffer with caregiving, raising teenagers, going through my divorce and dealing with chronic eye problems. Their love and support had helped me through all of that. Being able to share something uplifting and wonderful put me on a cloud.

I took a deep breath and said slowly, “I think I might have met someone!”

They all asked me for his name. And then they wanted to know if I had could share his picture. I went to the online dating site to find it. “He’s tall and has a warm smile,” I effused.

I drove home from the dinner grinning and not long after I got home I received emails from two of my friends. Their messages were the same.

“Watch out! There’s nothing that shows up with that guy’s name. In fact, that picture is of someone else! Red flag!”

My head was spinning. I never knew about Google reverse image search. I was very lucky to have seen my friends that night.

The next morning, I received another message from him asking how I was. I wrote: “Who are you?”

What ensued was a dialog of him trying to understand why I didn’t trust him. He was surprised that his picture was someone else’s. I suggested he try a Google reverse image search and he wrote:

“Never mind; forget about it.”

I was very naïve, for sure. Not only had I allowed myself to be duped – I showed him how he could cover his tracks better in the future.

I thanked my friends profusely. One friend, Liana, told me she was happy to shadow me on any of my future dates. I was very touched by her offer.

My other friend Patty was very worldly. I thanked her so much for watching my back and wrote an email saying:

“Patty, this has been so shocking to me – but really a necessary lesson. I was so dumb!”

Patty’s reply was wise and her message definitely helped me view my experience in a much more helpful way.

“Hi Judy, I’m so sorry this happened. I know how exciting it can be when a cute guy is interested. You are NOT DUMB! You just don’t have a whole lot of experience yet. Give it time. Continue to cast your line and go on some dates with no expectation. Just have fun. It’s nerve-wracking at first, but it’ll get easier I promise.

Pretty soon, you’ll have a load more material to blog about! Some funny… some not so funny. You’ll meet nice guys… guys who just want to get laid…guys you want to smack… and guys who might reject you. And that’s ok. Rejection is protection. ALWAYS! Just please keep in mind that you have the power. Take care Judy. Love you!

Two months later, I received a message from a man who saw my profile on a networking site. He wrote:

Hello Judy,

How are you doing today? I was actually searching for an acquaintance when I came across your profile. I must confess you are pretty and this is me being honest and not just mere flattery.You caught my eye; I am interested in communicating more and sharing more about me with you and hope to learn more about you too that is if you are single and interested in communicating further.

I do believe everything is possible if we put our mind and heart together just like I believe that good things can be found in the least places. I hope to hear from you soon. Till then stay blessed.

Warm Regards, Daniel

I replied to his message and wrote:

Hi Daniel,

Thank you for your honest and bold message – I smiled reading it. As far as your asking if I’m single – I am!

I have an open heart and am very blessed so your words rang sweetly to me. We can communicate more. I’d like to know more about you and I’m happy to answer any questions you might have.

Take care, Judy

I received a long message back from Daniel. He shared pictures and his life story. He was a widower who lost his wife and daughter in a car accident. He lived somewhere in California, but he didn’t say exactly where, so I asked him.

His next message was even longer and he didn’t answer my question. I scratched my head. Then I went  and uploaded his picture to Google for a reverse image search.

Bingo! It said, “Beware of this man, he is a scammer.”

I laughed out loud! Thankfully my lessons were paying off.

But by then, I had actually met a nice man and went out on my first date in decades. It was a wonderful experience.

I am very proud that I’ve had the courage to take my chances through such a jungle of deception!

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These are lyrics from my song “Someone To Love You.” The lyrics I wrote to my children, definitely apply to me, too!

Just after the New Year began, I peeked at an online dating site and began writing a profile.

I pride myself for being a heartfelt writer, but writing a profile on a dating site was far different than writing for my blog. I do find humor with my first attempt. It was far too wordy and waaaaay too honest.


My life is very different now and not at all like I imagined when I was younger. I devoted myself to my children and parents. I was unhappily married. I suffered through the death of one of my children. 

But everything changed for me when I discovered my love for music. I became joyful and music helped me cope through the deaths of my parents. I found happiness and felt excited about life again. 

I chose to get divorced after 31 years. I have been on my own now for 5 years.

I’m grateful for every day of my life. Today, I am peaceful and amazed that I had the courage to change my life. 

I have wondered why I was willing to consider online dating. It’s pretty scary for me. Mostly, I feel like I’m missing intimacy in my life. I often don’t have anyone to talk to except my sons – and I certainly don’t tell them all of my thoughts. 

I know I’m intelligent and have a great sense of humor. I think it would be wonderful for me to enjoy the company of a many who is kind and comfortable to be with. But since I haven’t dated in decades, it’s all very new for me.


I read the newspaper every day. I love going to the movies and sometimes go alone. I don’t read much even though I am an avid writer. 

I love food and enjoy cooking – my youngest son, who is 20, often joins me in the kitchen.

After my divorce, I put on a lot of weight. But I’m very proud that I have taken off most of it. I recently lost 35 pounds and am hoping to lose more.

As much as I love food, I’m very careful what I’m eating these days. I never want to fall back to being heavy the way I was. Healthy is my motto and I enjoy fruits and veggies so much more now!


I’m a creative person. Music has been my passion for the last 7 years. I play guitar and regularly perform my original songs.

However, my profession is one of a commercial artist. I’ve been illustrating since I graduated college. My work is very realistic and my paintings are on labels in the supermarket. It’s been a great career and I still receive assignments, although I use the computer a lot more now.

I was married for 31 years. The whole idea of a new relationship is very scary for me. I’ve decided to be courageous and view this as taking small steps toward meeting new people and enjoying new situations.

I was very close to my parents and they are gone now. My children are close to me. I have two sons that live with me. I chose to live in the same place where I grew up after my divorce. I’m surrounded my many memories of my past.


Someone who understands me and whom I feel safe with. I’m not really able to say that I’m looking for a partner – my past experience has left me with trust issues. I really don’t know what a “good relationship” looks like.

I was a caregiver for many years – I took care of my childrens’ needs and was an advocate for them during their school years. Thankfully, they are doing well now. Later on, I took care of my parents.

Today, I am taking care of myself. I’m not looking to take care of anyone or have someone take care of me. I am ready to explore and discover new things. I’d love to travel more and it would be much more meaningful if I had the company of someone special.

I cheated and used a few pictures from before my cataract surgeries. I can tell the difference with how much I could open my eyes after that due to dry eye pain. But thankfully, I can open my eyes again!

I cheated and used a few pictures from before my cataract surgeries. I can tell the difference with how much I could open my eyes after that due to dry eye pain. But thankfully, I can open my eyes again!

I decided after a month to change my profile. I was horrified at how many personal things I had shared.

I thought it might be fun to use a service where a professional writer created my profile. This would definitely be interesting. I paid a small fee and was sent a questionnaire.

Below is what I received back. Clearly, this was a very different writing style than mine!


Life’s too short to not enjoy as much as you can! 


Being a commercial artist allows me a flexible schedule, which gives me time to both sing and compose music. 

I love to try new things, which is part of why I love traveling! I’ve scuba dived and would love to get to Europe and to U.S. National Parks. I’d love to go camping, too! 

I am filled with joy for life and would love someone who shares that feeling. I’d connect best with someone who is kind, comfortable, and intelligent (who isn’t intimidated by an intelligent woman!). 


Cooking, taking pictures, 70’s folk music, friends, movies, and time spent outdoors. 


I am a commercial freelance illustrator. My paintings are on many supermarket labels, which is quite fun!

Just for fun, I’m sharing a very old picture. The painting behind me was an album cover illustration assignment. Who knew that 39 years later, I’d actually use it on one of my albums!

Just for fun, I’m sharing a very old picture. The painting behind me was an album cover illustration assignment. Who knew that 39 years later, I’d actually use it on one of my albums!

Not long after I joined, I saw a bunch of messages in my in-box. I quickly learned which ones were scams, because they were all very similar. I actually didn’t realize it at first, but caught on.

The messages went, “I have a good friend and he’s a widower. I shared your profile with him and he would love to meet you. Please call this number.”

Finally, I received a message that seemed real. He complimented me on my smile and asked me a few questions. I looked at his profile picture and he had a warm smile, which I found very attractive.

After sending a few messages back and forth, he suggested we speak on the phone and shared his number. My heart was pounding. This was definitely getting scary. I took a deep breath and sent him a text that evening.


These paragraphs were notes that I wrote when I was coping with dry eyes. I believe that “being open” has led me to wonderful places on my life’s journey.

These paragraphs were notes that I wrote when I was coping with dry eyes. I believe that “being open” has led me to wonderful places on my life’s journey.

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This recent picture was taken at the 80th birthday party for my high school choir teacher a few weeks ago.

This recent picture was taken at the 80th birthday party for my high school choir teacher a few weeks ago. The blouse has a hole that is named “a cold shoulder.” This story also carries another example of that!

Link to Song Page for other stories, performance and recordings: SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU.

Last week, I received a notice from WordPress to congratulate me on my seventh anniversary blogging. It was shocking to me. Has it really been seven years? Perhaps it was a lifetime ago when I began to pour out my heart on this blog.


It’s been awhile since I’ve felt ready to open my heart again. There are a few reasons. While working with my naturopathic doctor, I willingly embarked upon a detox/cleanse that lasted six weeks. It was very tough and I finished it last week. I’m slowly getting my energy back.

Devoting myself to getting healthy has been my focus – especially since my dry eye condition has improved. I’ve emptied myself of toxins and I believe in some ways, I’ve emptied myself of the stress and sadness, which ruled my life for almost two decades.

I’m peaceful, but to be honest – the word “blah” comes to mind. I think being blah is okay, especially after living through the many traumatic things I’ve experienced. But I expect more from life. And that leads me to a very different topic that I’m going to start writing about.

 This is a perfect opportunity for me to share a baby picture.

This is a perfect opportunity for me to share a baby picture.

“As You Travel” is a line is from my song “Someone to Love You.” My musical life is deeply intertwined with everything I go through.

I wrote my song for my children. But the twist is that I hear my lyrics being spoken to me!

I’m actually willing to accept the possibility of falling in love again.


So instead of writing about grief, loss, healing or songwriting – get ready – I’m going to throw out some humorous experiences as I tiptoe into the online dating world!

I’ll start with what triggered my willingness to supplant terror and sign up on an online dating site.

“As you travel to places you’ve never been . . . “

During my trip to Costa Rica, it was fun to taste new fruits. This one is named litchi. I found out later that it’s not actually from that country.

During my trip to Costa Rica, it was fun to taste new fruits. This one is named lychee. I found out later that it’s not actually from that country.

I was in Costa Rica with an old friend whom I actually hadn’t seen in 26 years. My willingness to take an adventure to another country with someone I hadn’t spent time with in decades was courageous and possibly foolish.

I have already written stories about my trip. I shared details of my physical adventures, which were fun and exciting.

I struggled being with my friend. I was confused and unable to share any of it. Now that four months have gone by, I am ready to write about my feelings.

Triggers, triggers, triggers. For me, triggers are land mines – they are situations where feelings erupt far bigger than what is currently happening. Those emotions are rooted in familiar past experiences.

Halfway through my trip, I was triggered.

My friend’s mood abruptly changed and she was clearly upset about something. I didn’t want to think she was upset with me, but I wasn’t sure. I sweetly asked her if she was okay. Without making eye contact, she said she was fine. She would respond to any of my attempts at conversation with one-word answers. I began analyzing every past interaction over the past two days where I might have done something that irritated her.

After a few hours, I worked up my courage and asked, “Did I do something to upset you?”

She replied that she was preoccupied thinking about her job back home. I wanted to accept that, even though the warmth I felt from her at the beginning of our trip was gone. I decided to be a good friend and give her space.

Once her freeze-out started, the remainder of our trip became awkward. Mealtimes were very strange. She wouldn’t respond to anything I said so I stopped engaging her. I watched people talking at the other tables as we ate in silence. I ate my food, excused myself after and then walked back to our room. For the rest of the trip, we never really connected again.

On our excursions, she chatted with other travelers and I did, too. I enjoyed my conversations with a few lovely couples. I found myself thinking, “I deserve to be with someone who talks to me – someone whom I enjoy being with.” One man lavished a lot of attention upon his wife. They both enjoyed telling me anecdotes about exotic trips they had gone on.

All of this triggered me back to how I felt when I was married.

The lack of intimacy, of holding feelings inside, of feeling lonely while being in the same hotel room was all too familiar. Inside my head I was crying, while on the outside I continued to smile.

Even if I had done something that upset my friend – it was unintentional. I was more than willing to apologize, but what could I do if she wouldn’t talk to me?

I suppressed my simmering frustration and tried to make the best of it. My trip was still a wonderful experience and I didn’t want this to dampen it. I saw a beautiful country and had adventures I’d never forget.

After I came home, I wrote a few friendly messages to my friend. She did not reply. If I had any doubt that she was done with me that put it to rest.

I decided to write her a letter expressing how she had hurt me, but then I tore it up. There seemed to be no point in sending it. She wouldn’t reply and probably didn’t care about my feelings anyway.

A month after this trip, I surprised myself. Perhaps the best thing that came from my disappointment was new insight.

I deserved companionship. My willingness to be open to it was huge for me. It was time for me to find the courage to begin a new adventure.

I went to an online dating site and created a profile.

Was I really ready?


Below is a performance of one of my favorite original songs “How We Don’t Care.” It allowed me to sing my feelings in such a beautiful way not long after my trip.


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Working with a Naturopathic doctor has really paid off for me. These are only half of the supplements I take every day. I’m in “treatment” and won’t have to do this long term.

Working with a Naturopathic doctor has really paid off for me. These are only half of the supplements I take every day. I’m in “treatment” and won’t have to do this long term.

Link to more about this song: IN THE PAST

My post title is a lyric line from my song “In The Past.” At the end, I’m going to share a recent performance of this song that I’m very proud of.

Since it’s a new year, I’d like to take one last look back at 2016. My vocal coach, Hannah Anders asked me what my accomplishments were last year. I didn’t realize how much progress I made. During our lesson, we also came up with new goals for me in 2017.

There were two things I forgot to mention to Hannah:

I created 29 illustrations and I released five music CD’s!

I look back

This was one of my favorite illustrations from 2016. I added the sky (so I could make a print for my sister-in-law). Originally, the illustration had a white background and was used for a Tillamook yogurt label.

This was one of my favorite illustrations from 2016. I added the sky (so I could make a print for my sister-in-law). Originally, the illustration had a white background and was used for a Tillamook yogurt label.

This is how my illustration will be used. No sky was needed.

This was a mock-up of how my art was to be used on the label.

Below is a recording and transcription from my voice lesson last week. Click the link below to hear audio:

Lesson with Hannah 1-7-16 Blog Excerpt

HANNAH: We’re going to start with, what you feel were your best accomplishments in 2016. And this can be obviously singing, music, personal goals, personal accomplishments, and professional accomplishments – so this can be anything.

JUDY: Well, music comes to my mind because that’s why I come here. So I’ll go to that accomplishment. I guess I was just thinking of this recent performance. Reliability. When I came to you, I had this nervous feeling that I couldn’t rely on my voice. I didn’t know if I’d have a good performance or not. I mean I still have a little picky pitch issue here and there.

HANNAH: That’s okay.

JUDY: But what a difference! I think 90% of my performances now I’m putting on YouTube.

HANNAH: That’s so awesome.

JUDY: I could make less guitar mistakes, but that’s just practice.

HANNAH: That’s being human!

This picture of Hannah and I is from last summer.

This picture of Hannah and I is from last summer.

JUDY: I was just thinking about my journey. I was thinking about how it leads you to places you’d never imagine. I suffered with my dry eyes for four years. And I came to you – it was just a stroke of luck that I was calling around trying to find another recording studio. And because of you, I found Dr. Wang.

And it was because of Dr. Wang that I did the coconut oil and my eyes got better. Is that not a life-changing moment?

HANNAH: It’s huge!

JUDY: It’s so huge. I was just thinking today that I haven’t had the writing bug and I’m just getting a flash about what I could write about. Healing. Healing is not objective – it’s really subjective and I’ve decided that I’m healed. Doctors told me, “It’s incurable and people never get better.” That’s what I’ve heard. If I want to, I can feel that I have dry eyes some days – I do. But I don’t go to that place. I go to the place that I’ve healed from the suffering and I have a life back. Same thing with grief.

HANNAH: That’s huge. When you started your eyes were one of the reasons we had short lessons, one of the reasons you were afraid about seminar. You asked, “Is it okay if I need to step out?”

JUDY: I was in too much pain to be with people.

HANNAH: And look at you. You’re a different person.

JUDY: I know.

HANNAH: That’s awesome. All right, what else?

JUDY: Well, you know I got my health back. I lost weight. It was really hard to get my mind in gear. That was the hardest part. Doing it wasn’t as hard as getting there.

HANNAH: That’s the truth. Once you’re in the zone it’s easy.

JUDY: It’s getting the key to let yourself out of the prison.

HANNAH: That’s right.

JUDY: And the key is really the mindset; love is the mindset. And courage. I went to find myself a new arranger. That wasn’t easy for me – even on-line dating.

HANNAH: I know!

JUDY: Which hasn’t let to anything yet. It’s funny.

HANNAH: But it will. Arranger – I’m going to write that down. You took a vacation.

JUDY: Oh yeah, that took courage. There we go again. Everything is tied together.

HANNAH: Absolutely.

JUDY: Healing allowed me to feel better, to have the courage and then to act on it.

HANNAH: You went on vacation and stayed on your diet.

JUDY: Yes!

HANNAH: They featured you on that dry eye video.

“Turning Point” DRY EYE VIDEO – Judy Unger

JUDY: Yes! This is really funny. The name of it was “Turning Point.” And wasn’t it a turning point? I said to them, “Are you sure you want me? Because I’m not healed.”

And then, of course, at the very end of the video I say, “I think good things are ahead for me.”

HANNAH: That’s right!

JUDY: And my audio book possibility.

HANNAH: It was a good year. You got a lot done last year.

JUDY: I sure did. I didn’t realize it until you had me recite everything.

HANNAH: That’s why we do that.

JUDY: I love it!

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