I LET GO OF FEAR – PART 1

Posted on January 8, 2012 by Judy

I treasure every moment with my parents. In this picture, I am taking them out from their nursing facility to our weekly lunch with my older brother. In spite of grief, I’ve kept my smile my whole life and plan to continue to do so.

–These four blue links below are recordings of my voice lessons discussing my song “Clear” with Peaches Chrenko:
– 

LESSON B WITH PEACHES – 12/19/11 CLEAR

LESSON C WITH PEACHES – 12/29/11 CLEAR

LESSON D WITH PEACHES – 12/29/11 CLEAR

Below is an excerpt from my audio book. It is from a story near the end of my book called “Healing Came At Last.” In this excerpt, I speak about my healing and then read my poem “My Tears Filled an Ocean.” I play my original acoustic guitar composition “Waterfalls” in the background.–

—

MY TEARS FILLED AN OCEAN – Audio Book excerpt – Copyright 2012 by Judy Unger 

–

The words and post where I originally wrote “My Tears Filled An Ocean” can be found by clicking the blue link below.

 

BESIDE ME ALWAYS – PART 2

–

–

A sad message below from someone in my grief forum responding to someone else’s message of deep grief:

–

I don’t have any good words either, other than I understand the pain. My faith also has been tested; I’m starting to think that maybe this life here on earth is Hell, because I can’t imagine anything else being as bad as the pain we feel from losing our children. And I can’t wait to be reunited with my son.

–

On Dec. 15, 2011, Ann wrote:

–

Hi Judy, I would like to have anything you would like to send me. I am so broken hearted . . . I lost another brother this morning. I have lost so many loved ones in the past two years. I am just moving around in a dark fog.

It is so hard; sometimes I think I will just die from a broken heart. This is more than one person should have to endure.

–

Dearest Ann,

–

We are all going to die someday, and there are many people who actually do die from a broken heart. I went to a funeral just a month ago for a man who died as a result of his grief.

–

Does that allow us to be with our loved ones – death? Perhaps. When we die, then we will know for sure. However, we are still alive. Why are we still alive with so much pain? That is a hard question that I do not have an answer for.

–

When someone grieves this deeply, it means you had immense love – so much so that it has caused your exquisite agony. That means you have the capacity to love, and most certainly, others in your life love you, as well.

–

They are hurting to imagine losing you! Imagine how much more pain would be magnified if you died! Perhaps you can reach out to those who love you to help you endure this. The pain does not go away and I’m not minimizing your loss. It is too much for one person to endure. But I am certain you will. Allow yourself to cry and find any way you can to help yourself feel better. Carrying the memories and love can help you survive the pain. Expressing your love to others is the best way.

–

It’s just too soon for you to die. That is a serious message you are giving yourself. Instead of telling yourself you will die from a broken heart, tell yourself that your enormous heart will continue to love and it will eventually stop bleeding. Your loved ones want that for you – trust me!

–

Love, Judy

–

My doctor told me yesterday that I am living in a fantasy world, just because I said that I want my wife back. I know that I have to go on and live a new life without her. I just am not ready to do so. People who haven’t been married and truly bonded just don’t understand that the feeling really is like a part of me has died, too. While some may say that’s not a healthy way to feel, all I can say is that it’s real for me. 

I want to feel better, to feel peace again. I have periods of time when I seem to be doing pretty well. Then, out of nowhere something triggers me and I can barely function. 

My life, while it may improve someday, will not be what it was and that’s the harsh fact. As much as anything, that reality haunts me daily. 

There is a new diagnosis in the DSM called “Prolonged Grief Disorder”. Well, I have it. Two and one half years is a long time to feel sad and depressed and angry and all the rest. I will never feel the old “normal” again and that tears me out of the frame some days. 

The only people I trust are the folks who have shared this experience. They have the wisdom I need. The rest, no matter how well intended, I just dismiss. 

Joe

–

Dear Joe (and anyone else in deep grief that is feeling discouraged),

–

There is a lot of commiserating that goes on in this forum. I’m not going to even go near the place of saying I know how you feel; you are a widower and I have lost a child. I cannot imagine losing a soul mate, and I do not compare grief because that leads to further isolation. I used to feel like even other grieving people could hardly imagine the depth of my pain, but I still very much agreed with your last line. When I was in deep grief, I surrounded myself with people who were grieving like I was.

–

I remember feeling haunted by the loss of my former life and the fact that I would never feel the “old normal again.” You wrote that it “tears you out of your frame,” which is such an eloquent way to say that. I wish I could say that healing comes sooner. It might be almost three years now for you; I won’t even write how long it took me.

–

But what I want to share is don’t give up hope. You will feel better someday and you will have a depth of compassion to help other people as a result of your loss. Your wife will always be with you, in spirit and in memories.

–

One day, you will feel joyful. And you will remember this message. Until then, keep going as you have. You are grieving. It’s awful, unbearable, and discouraging. But never give up hope. There aren’t many messages written like mine on this forum.  Everyone needs to have hope.

–

If there was hope for me, there could be hope for anyone. I suffered a lot and wanted to die when I was grieving. No one can imagine it unless they’ve suffered.

–

You take care, Judy

–

On Dec 29, 2011, Janet wrote:

–

I wish the New Year could be better. I’ve got a 78 yr. old father who I am afraid to lose. He’s in good health, but that could change. I hope it doesn’t. My Mom got sick in April and was gone in July. It can happen so fast. I don’t feel safe. I don’t want to lose anyone else either.

–

Janet

–

Dear Janet,

–

My parents are very sick and I don’t think they will both be with me a year from now. I feel like I’ve already lost my mother, since her mind is gone due to advanced dementia. But I still feel her love, and appreciate that. I treasure my parents and their love.

–

Two years ago, I healed from my grief. I used to live with a lot of fear after my 5-year-old son died, and I mourned the loss of my innocence. My fear was paralyzing and interfered with living life to my full potential.

–

Life is a gift. It is finite. We will all die and so will those whom we love – the natural order is that our parents go first. Fear destroys the potential to find happiness. I wish you could find some acceptance about your eventual and inevitable loss. That would make your time very meaningful and precious with your father. While he’s in good health you could form beautiful memories and those will sustain you when he’s gone.

–

I know that life is full of pain. Moving forward toward not being afraid of future loss is a huge step. You have suffered a lot losing your mom so suddenly. Before that happened, you were not aware that you might lose someone you loved so fast. That is the nature of innocence and believing that everyone can live forever.

–

Every minute counts. Janet, I pray you can find peace and realize that. Your dad would definitely want you to – and your mom.

–

With love, Judy

–

I think I look happy here in this picture with my brother, Norm, and sister-in-law, Jo. This was taken at one of our weekly lunches with my parents.-

–

On Jan 2, 2012, Susan wrote:

Judy, I wanted to thank you for sending me the new song and stuff. I haven’t listened to it yet, because I have been really touchy lately about Mom’s death, and I don’t want to get hysterical again. When I am in a frame of mind to listen, I will. I am so appreciative of the fact that you care and sent me those songs.  I really mean that. But lately lots of things have triggered some intense emotional outbursts. I have to try to keep on an even keel. When my apple cart gets upset, I have Hell to pay to rebalance it. Hugs, Susan

–

Hi Susan,

Thanks for letting me know you received. My latest song is called “Clear” and moves beyond “Hanging On.” What I’m about to write is not about dealing with deep, intense grief. Those feelings are impossible to contain. This is about moving beyond grief when you feel stuck. I lived for a long time without allowing myself to express feelings. My song is about how I truly did move from being a “Zombie” to feeling clarity.

 

I want to write to you about your fear and what it takes for you to keep on an even keel. It sounds to me like you are fearful of your intense emotions. However, holding those feelings in and keeping on an “even keel” requires tremendous energy, which is draining you. It is actually causing you to live in Hell without you realizing it. Even though it is like throwing up to release those feelings, it is a relief after. Being hysterical is ok! Stuffing is really not healthy. Once you get to a place where you allow yourself to feel, other emotions such as joy could return to your life.

 

Keep hanging in there, Susan. I care.

–

Love, Judy

–

A page of my lyrics for my newest song “Clear” in progress.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

MY LIFE BECAME CLEAR – PART 1

Posted on December 30, 2011 by Judy
–
–
Clicking the blue link below will play my song:
–
–

I have now written four songs since I finished recalling all of the music from my youth. The process of composing them was similar. It started with a beautiful looping melody in my head that played throughout my day. After that, I constructed the chords on my guitar. The melody and music told me what the new song would be about. The lyrics followed easily, because I heard them in my mind.

 

Two months ago, I wrote a song that was so painful I could not publicly share it. I now realize that my songwriting is my subconscious speaking to me.

 

With my newest song “Clear,” I am sharing an inspirational message to the world and to myself. I plan to continue turning my life around and getting up off the ground where I was stuck for a very long time.

 

My song evolved over a period of one month, and is still quite fresh. It was actually on the day when I recorded my song that I finished composing it. I thought my song was done, but then my subconscious voice spoke loudly to me.

 

Originally, I had the line leading up to “my life became clear” as “I followed my heart.” On a humorous note, it reminded me of a restaurant with that title. I changed it to “I opened my heart.” Even though I liked “I opened my heart; my life became clear,” it was a moment of clarity when I changed the line to “I opened my eyes, life became clear.”

 

Now my song expressed perfectly how one day I opened my eyes and woke up. After that, I saw my life quite differently.

 

It was when I wanted to improve the melody for that lyric line that my song expanded in a beautiful way. The new melody was so lovely; I decided to add another line leading up to it. I searched and searched for something to rhyme with clear that would fit my song.

 

When the line came to me, I was overcome with joy and amazement. Singing those words felt ethereal and I made sure my song’s arrangement conveyed it. That one line was how my journey began.

 

It was “beautiful music I could hear.”

 

My life was silent and sad for decades. The beautiful music that fills my life with joy resulted from my clarity. I am so grateful for the gift I was given.

 

That gift is my life.

–

My daughter and I went for a hike and she brought along her camera.


CLEAR

Copyright 2015 by Judy Unger


Not long ago I was a child, then a young girl,

now I’m even older

A woman so wise, but I realize

my life went by quickly, I blinked my eyes

 

When I grew up, I became sad

Life beat me down; I felt broken

Though it may seem a little extreme

I turned my life around, to follow my dream

 

I carried on; I lived with heartache

I was so numb; I wasn’t awake

It all changed, I let go of fear

beautiful music I could hear

I opened my eyes, life became clear

 

As I grow old, I’ll keep my smile

All of my tears gave me compassion

I was asleep; my pain was so deep

I turned my life around; with joy I now weep

 

I carried on, but inside I wept

I cried for the losses I could not accept

It all changed, when I let go of fear

beautiful music I could hear

I opened my eyes, life became clear

 

I celebrate; it’s never too late

To turn your life around

No reason to wait

 

I carried on, I lived with heartache

I was so numb, I wasn’t awake

It all changed, when I let go of fear

beautiful music I could hear

I opened my eyes, life became clear

 

When my life ends, I won’t be afraid

I’m grateful for the gift I was given

I celebrate, it wasn’t too late

I turned my life around, got up off the ground

happiness I found

No reason to wait

–

 “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” Norman Cousins

 

I composed my song “Clear” at a time when I had tremendous financial pressure and both my mother and father were in poor health. Although I was confident that my stories and music would be comforting to many people, I sometimes wrestled with fear that “following my dream” was innapropriate given my circumstances. With the line of “no reason to wait,” my subconscious was clearly speaking to me. My song was a gift that filled me with serenity and determination; whether or not I made money – I would continue doing what I loved.

–

I originally thought I would name my song “I Turned My Life Around.” I decided upon the title “Clear” instead, because my clarity was far more meaningful for me and was the reason I turned my life around.

–

No reason to wait
–

Because my clarity was achieved when I let go of fear, I want to share some of my former fears, and what it means to have clarity in my life now:

–

Fear was dreading and anticipating future loss, sadness and pain. Clarity was treasuring every moment possible with my loved ones.

 

Fear was feeling doubtful and uncertain; worrying about possible challenges in the future that I wasn’t sure I could handle. Clarity was feeling positive of my self-worth. I knew I was successful and didn’t require monetary compensation or approval from anyone else in order to feel that way.

 

Fear was being afraid of being alone. Clarity represented the peace and serenity I achieved when I was by myself while writing, composing music or creating artwork. I felt joy simply by doing what I loved. Sharing was beautiful for me because I was so passionate about my creations.

 

Fear was expecting someone else to soothe me and save me. Clarity was about not needing someone or something material to make me happy. I was content and found serenity with many simple things. With a paper and pencil I could write lyrics; I could hum a melody to soothe myself anytime I needed to.

–

Fear was worrying if I had done something that caused someone else to be unhappy. Clarity was not blaming myself for their unhappiness or attempting to cure their problem. Instead, I preferred to help other people solve their own problems. I also especially encouraged them to find their own joy.

 

Fear was not allowing myself to feel emotion because it was too scary; this led to numbness. Clarity was recognizing that suppressing emotion in order to avoid pain required tremendous energy, and that led to general fatigue and dullness. Expressing honest feelings allowed all of my energy to be directed instead toward living with vigor, passion and enthusiasm.

 

Fear was seeing my life as wasted, sad, and closing in on old age fraught with deterioration. Clarity was seeing the portion of my life remaining as exciting and thrilling. I had so much relief about not waiting any longer or wasting any more time.

 

Fear was the terror of imagining the end of my life. Clarity was accepting life was finite. It was that simple fact that made my life meaningful and deeply treasured. Living with passion was so satisfying that even if my life ended tomorrow, I was grateful and inspired for the life I had lived. I was always grateful for the many talents I was born with, but the gift I was grateful for the most was my life.

 

Fear was looking up and seeing only the ceiling. It was familiar, drab and colorless. Clarity was looking up and seeing a beautiful sky instead. The many intricate colors represented exciting new vistas under those skies to dream about. Now I looked forward to new experiences and just thinking of those possibilities caused me to weep with joy.

–

–

The line that I love most in my song “Clear,” is the one about getting up off the ground; that image I see of myself is a very real one and I wrote about it in my story “There Was Hope For Me.” Often, many of my lyric lines can be found within my stories.

–

A year before composing “Clear,” I wrote a poem, “My Tears Filled an Ocean.” My poem described how “I was not afraid;” I closed my eyes and descended into the dark depths of my ocean of tears so I could see Jason again. When I opened my eyes, he was there and I was touched by his love and emanating glow. At that moment, I finally understood that I didn’t need to drown myself in order to see Jason; I would see him again when my life was over. After that, I crawled forth from my ocean of tears onto a new shore. I stood up and celebrated how I had reached a beautiful destination I could never have imagined. That vision definitely represented the beginning of my clarity and how I began to see the world around me quite differently than I had before.

–

I look at my grief as something that has added great meaning and depth to my life; all of my tears have definitely given me tremendous compassion for others who are suffering. Yet even when I was grieving, I maintained a smile. My line of, “As I grow old, I’ll keep my smile,” is an honest, because I plan to continue smiling for the rest of my life, whatever I might face. My smile has always been my beacon to light up the world and everything around me.

–

The ethereal line of “beautiful music I could hear,” tells my story of how music began to play in my mind as I healed; with my joy, the music grew even louder. My world was silent and sad for decades, until exquisite melodies began to fill my heart with joy.

–

I have described my former life as “Zombieland” where I lived a plodding existence. There was nothing I looked forward to, and I really felt like I was sleepwalking through my life. Thankfully, my current life is one where I am wide-awake; I see everything clearly now, and am completely in touch with my feelings.

–

It was one thing for me to experience the pain of grief, but for many years after that I was never able to truly let go of grief because of the challenges I continued to face raising my children and dealing with my elderly parents. For personal reasons, I cannot share details about my family. But I am definitely an example of the “sandwich generation.” Stress and worry always felt familiar, and it became a habit for me to stuff my emotions. I didn’t expect that anything would ever change, even though I was always grateful for so much in my life.

–

My journey began when I decided to take a different path. When my new path appeared, I was ready to follow it. With my new path everything changed for me. I opened up my heart to the world, I found my music and I became fulfilled and happy. Even though it might have taken me many years, I am so grateful I didn’t wait any longer. I wish every human could find his or her own path.

–

It is never too late.

–

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

MORE THAN YOU KNOW – PART 2

Posted on December 27, 2011 by Judy

MORE THAN YOU KNOW

Story behind MORE THAN YOU KNOW-PART 1

Click the blue links below to hear audio. I wrote my song over thirty years ago when I was a teenager.

More Than You Know Arrangement 11-4-17 Copyright 2017 by Unger

More Than You Know Acoustic 4-16-18

More Than You Know Home Recording 2/16/16 Copyright 2016 by Unger

–

I am certain I am trying to impress everyone with my finger-span in this picture taken while I performed classical guitar in college. Trust me, there is a lot more to playing guitar than how far the fingers stretch!

Currently, beautiful music envelops my life. Words are completely inadequate to describe my euphoria. My passion is easily apparent in the audio clips where I am discussing music with my vocal coach, Peaches Chrenko. I look forward to my lesson with Peaches every week. Our voices are animated and both of us laugh quite a bit when we are together. No one would imagine that we lead stressful lives after listening to our joyful discussions!

–

 LESSON WITH PEACHES – MORE THAN YOU KNOW 2 – 12/19/11

 

I have been continuing with my dedication toward finishing my audio book. At the same time, I am also deciding which songs will be included with my book. I continue to sing new vocals to go with some of my arrangements. I also have a few songs where I plan to redo their arrangements.

 

Although I thought the original arrangement for my song “More Than You Know” was quite beautiful, it dragged. I felt that my song had great potential if it were more up-tempo. I love expanding my musical horizons.

 

I made an appointment with my arranger, George. Initially, I told him he could simply work with the older arrangement and use it as a template for a faster song. We ended up arranging the song without my guitar playing as the underlying basis, and that gave us many more options. As George experimented with different sounds, the arrangement that developed was decidedly different. I am very enthused as I share my newest version of a song I wrote so long ago.

 

GOOD LIST

 

1. I had an interesting exchange with my daughter about my music. It all started with my asking her if she wanted to hear my latest song. She told me that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but she couldn’t listen to my singing voice. She said she was tired of hearing me sing, because my voice carried from my bathroom into her bedroom. (I play my guitar and sing in my bathroom). I told her I wasn’t hurt; it was fine. Then I asked if I could play for her instead a song arrangement that was Karaoke.

 

She listened and told me that my “medieval sounding” music would be great for sappy TV movies and movie scores. She was actually excited to share that idea with me, and was determined to impress me about how I could actually make some money by doing that.

 

I was so touched that she thought I had potential!

 

2. I received payment on a huge art project that involved the creation of two new paintings in addition to utilizing existing art. My computer skills finally are paying off.

 

I have never been paid so quickly after completing a project; two weeks is definitely a record!

 

My check showed up the day before Christmas and definitely was a blessing for me. This project definitely came at an excellent time, because it helps fuel my journey as I continue to pay for studio time to record my songs and stories.

 

3. I continue to appreciate the fact that my parents are still alive and not hospitalized.

 

4. I celebrate my joy and look forward to a wonderful New Year ahead for me as I continue to write, sing, and compose beautiful music and stories. 

 

I wrote my song “More Than You Know” at about the age I am in this picture, 18. My lips were moving and I wonder what I was about to say!

MORE THAN YOU KNOW

Copyright 2010 by Judy Unger

 

You gave me your hand; you’d always understand

No one else could see, all the change you’d seen in me

You gave me so much; within a single touch

I searched for a smile, you brought mine back for a while

 

I just can’t find the words to say

How it felt when you went away

All my life, I hoped you would stay

When you left, I let you go

I still love you, more than you know

More than you know

 

You brought me sunshine; I thought that you were mine

How could I believe? When I was left to grieve

You gave me everything that made me want to sing

How could I have guessed, our time would be my best?

 

I just can’t find the words to say

How it felt when you went away

All my life, I hoped you would stay

When you left, I let you go

I still love you, more than you know

I still love you

–

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WHEN I GREW UP

Posted on December 27, 2011 by Judy

In this picture I am a young girl. Now I’m older, but I hardly feel different.

The first blue link below will play my song as an instrumental arrangement.

The two links below it are recordings of my voice lessons discussing my song’s creation with Peaches Chrenko.

a
–

PEACHES LESSON EXCERPT 12/8/11

PEACHES LESSON EXCERPT 12/13/11


–

On the outside looking in, I am an ordinary middle-aged woman. At home, I have two teenagers, an adult son, a husband, a Chihuahua, a Conure parrot, and two cats. My mini-van has over 200,000 miles on it. I play women’s doubles tennis as therapy and for exercise at least once a week. I see both my parents who live separately at a nursing facility at least three times a week. For over thirty years I was an illustrator, and once in a while I still get an occasional job.

 

However, my life is far from ordinary. I live with intense passion and excitement about the musict I am creating.

 

I see my life as a musical.


 

My music causes my life to be joyful, magical and simply delightful. That is amazing considering the fact that I still face many challenges as a “sandwich generation” woman.

 

I can be shopping in a store, sleeping, or driving, when a new song begins to play in my mind. It swells to awaken my soul and soon I am dancing. The melody and words are already written; I must simply write them down.

 

I did not plan to write any more new songs for my book, but songs kept erupting from my soul. I loved how my last song composition “Hang On,”was especially uplifting and expressed my survival of grief by holding onto love. 

 

But a few weeks ago, another new melody started to fill my mind. It was unbelievable how quickly my newest song unfolded. I had been working long hours on my book, and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t feel as joyful as I had before. I had neglected exercise and missed performing since Border’s Bookstore where I used to play went out of business. I had tremendous financial pressure and issues with my parents still loomed for me. It made sense that a song would come to me, because whenever I feel pain, my mind turns it into music to soothe me. 

 

Although my new song is about how I’ve turned my life around, it is especially meaningful because it expresses my clarity. I decided to name my song “Clear,” instead of “I Turned My Life Around.”

 

I have described my former life as “Zombieland” where I lived a plodding existence. There was nothing I looked forward to and I felt like I was sleep-walking through life. Thankfully, my current life is one where I am wide-awake; I see everything clearly now, and am completely in touch with my feelings.

–

This message I pulled from a fortune cookie tonight sounded great to me!

A week ago, I was very excited to share my new song with my hypnotherapist, Connie. I went to our hypnotherapy session and brought my guitar along. In the quiet of her guesthouse, I fingerpicked my newly discovered chords and sang softly. As I sang the last lyric line of “there’s no reason to wait,” I truly felt peaceful.

 

The room was silent and I could see that Connie was deeply touched. When I first began seeing her three years earlier, I was plagued by many stress-related ailments. My parents were living with me and I was overwhelmed with their care. For many years before that, I had been raising my three children and there were many challenges related to that. My career was fading and I had little income. I was beaten down and felt like I was wounded and broken. Connie could truly see what a difference she had made to my life; she had watched me heal. It was her suggestions and encouragement that paved my journey as I went from being sad to joyful.

 

As I put my guitar away, I said to Connie, “Am I a hypocrite? I say I am joyful, but obviously I am still struggling with many things that are causing me to overeat. Perhaps I am not really a shining example of my joyful message.”

 

Connie said gently, “You are dealing with many things; any one of them might be a lot for most people to deal with.” Then, she began listing all of the challenges I was facing. When she mentioned my mother’s dementia and the resulting loss of closeness that used to sustain me, I began to cry. She said many people in my situation might be so overwhelmed as to not even get out of bed in the morning. Connie also felt that it was simply amazing that I was able to be so productive in spite of my challenges.

 

Hypnosis had certainly enlightened me about the power of my subconscious. Our session that day was filled with so many revelations, that material for my next book was quickly filling pages in my mind. While under hypnosis, I gained great insight about how deeply songwriting and my subconscious were intertwined.

 

I never consciously planned to compose any of my new songs. But the words and melodies interrupted whatever it was I was doing, and looped in my mind. It was always a mystery to me, how many of my youthful songs were prophetic.

–

A month earlier, I had been amazed when I decided my song “Set You Free” was actually about setting myself free from grief. But now I had even more awareness. I saw my songs as a script to follow in the “musical of my life.”

 

My recent song compositions that I wrote to help other people were actually speaking to me at the same time!

 

“Hang On,” was about reminding me how I needed to “hang on” to face the continuing challenges in my life. With my newest song, I was simply stunned. The last line of “there was no reason to wait” was my subconscious speaking to me about the fear I still carried and how I needed to stop waiting to confront it. Although I was confident that my stories and music would be comforting to many people, I still wrestled with the fear that my book would not change my life in the ways I had hoped.

 

Regardless of how my book sold, I needed to continue to improve my life and heal myself.

 

My song “Clear” is a far more meaningful conclusion to my first book than “Hang On.” Beyond offering hope for surviving and creating a new life after loss, I am a living and breathing example of someone following a dream.

 

I am a real person and my fairytale story is still unfolding.

 

At this moment, I have no idea where my dream will take me. Regardless, of where it takes me, I have found happiness. I want to inspire people that it truly is possible to change your life.

–

Often, many of my lyric lines can be found within my stories. The line that I love most in “Clear,” is the one about getting up off the ground; that image I see of myself lying there is a very real one and I wrote about it in my story:

 

THERE WAS HOPE FOR ME.

–

I really was numb from so much scar tissue, and my awakening from that numbness after decades was miraculous.

 

I got up off the ground and marveled at my survival.

 

I celebrated how love had lifted me.

 

And then, I took off.

 

I flew to beautiful destinations I could never have imagined.

–

I celebrate the beauty of life with one of my paintings (hydrangeas); I love flowers.

My life is shaped by my musical creations. My sadness morphed into a beautiful new song and now my soul has been soothed. Wherever I am, I hear my new song playing and the process of crafting it has encompassed much of my creative energy.

 

Although it diverted me from my book, my song is now a wonderful ending for it. My audio book is about 75% finished, and is coming along beautifully. I am proud of my improvement and certain that it will touch many people. I am not rushing to finish it, because I am giving it my best effort.

 

At this time, I am working with my arranger George and we have been trying some new ways of working together. In the past, I simply have played my guitar first, and then sang along with it before George arranged my song. We are arranging it first with many instruments, and after I got home I began to experiment and add my guitar playing into the arrangement. George and I have not finished the instrumentation; it will most likely be finished by the end of next week. I plan to record many vocals, as I am fine-tuning my lyrics for this song.

–

I will share a brief update about the other elements in my life; my parents continue to hang in there. Unlike when I first started my blog, my children do not want me to write a single thing about them. I am so tired of the many messy pets running my household that I’m not going to write about them either.

 

I can share some pictures, so here goes!

–

I surprised my high school choir teacher, Frankie Nobert, on the date of her actual 75th birthday. We had a wonderful lunch.

Last Sunday, I parked my mother’s wheelchair next to my father so they could both watch a show together. Both my parents live separately at a nursing facility and my father hardly talks to my mother because her dementia is very advanced now.

My mother sleeps a lot. One of the greatest gifts in my life is her wonderful caregiver, Miriam. She has made my joyful life possible.

An actual page of my lyrics as I wrote them down.

Okay – I am going to share a picture of my three children here. It makes me cry.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment