Tag Archives: grief advice

IN EVERY SMILE

Whenever I can make a difference in my childrens’ lives – it is like “living on.” Those lessons will always be there to remind them of my love, even when I’m not. Continue reading

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ONE DAY I’LL BE GONE

I loved what a friend of mine said about my new song. He said, “I think it’s great how you can write about something that many people think about, but are afraid to say.” Continue reading

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ALL I HAVE LEFT AFTER THE DEATH OF MY CHILD

My life was as gray as ashes for almost two decades. I devoted myself to my children and my parents. I coped by simply going through the motions for many years. I was alive but not really living, but my love kept my spirit going. Continue reading

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MY LIFE BECAME CLEAR – PART 2

Our thoughts actually can be reframed. Instead of telling yourself you feel like 80, try telling yourself you feel like 40. Do nice things for yourself and watch how you will feel much younger. You could live many more years. No reason to waste your life because of fear. The unknown can’t be worse than the known. Continue reading

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IT ALL SEEMED SO REAL – PART 2

Yet even with joy, I still feel pain. I believe that experiencing pain is necessary and part of the full spectrum of being alive. I turn my pain into music and song lyrics; after that, my pain is diminished. Recently, when I have had to deal with the unrelenting stress of my parents’ decline, I simply listen to my music and then I am soaring. My passion for music has me dancing throughout my day, enraptured by the beautiful melodies that loop inside my mind whether I am physically listening or not. My music continues to lead me to magical places. Even my most painful songs allow for the heartache to actually flow out of me as I sing the lyrics and play my guitar. Continue reading

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MY LIFE BECAME CLEAR – PART 1

My life was silent and sad for decades. The beautiful music that fills my life with joy resulted from my clarity. I am so grateful for the gift I was given. That gift is my life. Continue reading

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THE AMPUTATION OF MY SOUL, PART 2

As far as the analogy to a “car wreck” goes, unfortunately deep grief wrecks lives. I believe there is a sense of unfairness to the loss of someone that didn’t get a chance to live a full life (and that includes an infant, stillbirth, and miscarriage). Everyone dies, but when it happens before someone even had a chance to experience a full life – perhaps that is where so much of the sadness lies. However, there is certainly grief with losing anyone, even someone older. I have grieved for other things in my life besides the death of my son. With autism, there is also the issue about unfairness for the additional hurdles in life. However, I never want my scars to define me. Coping with those scars were easier for me when I became less focused on why the accident happened and more focused on how I could compensate and adjust. Unfortunately, like a car wreck – accidents happen. And there are no seatbelts for grief either!
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WHAT IS LEFT SINCE YOU DIED

I feel like I always say the same things over and over in regards to grief. There are a few “truisms” for me, but generally those are not even my own ideas. They are truths that all the people grieving seem to know. It’s a “club” no one wants to belong to. And honestly, whoever buys the books will probably already know someone or be someone in it. Continue reading

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MAY I CRY?

I accept my son’s death now after eighteen years. Lest anyone tell me that I need to get on with my life, I have. I have joy and I am no longer grieving my son intensely. I am not the same person I was before his death. I was so innocent and unscathed by life. I used to view this as another loss. Only recently, I see it now as something I have gained. The insights that I can share have been significant for me.

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WHAT IS MOST HELPFUL

“Time will heal,” must be the most common statement ever made to anyone grieving. It turns out that even though it was true, eventually, it still wasn’t helpful for me to hear that when I was in deep grief. Continue reading

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