myjourneysinsight

AMAZED AT WHERE I AM TODAY – PART 2

Posted on January 11, 2017 by Judy

Working with a Naturopathic doctor has really paid off for me. These are only half of the supplements I take every day. I’m in “treatment” and won’t have to do this long term.

Link to more about this song: IN THE PAST

My post title is a lyric line from my song “In The Past.” At the end, I’m going to share a recent performance of this song that I’m very proud of.

Since it’s a new year, I’d like to take one last look back at 2016. My vocal coach, Hannah Anders asked me what my accomplishments were last year. I didn’t realize how much progress I made. During our lesson, we also came up with new goals for me in 2017.

There were two things I forgot to mention to Hannah:

I created 29 illustrations and I released five music CD’s!

This was one of my favorite illustrations from 2016. I added the sky (so I could make a print for my sister-in-law). Originally, the illustration had a white background and was used for a Tillamook yogurt label.

This is how my illustration will be used. No sky was needed.

This was a mock-up of how my art was to be used on the label.

Below is a recording and transcription from my voice lesson last week. Click the link below to hear audio:

Lesson with Hannah 1-7-16 Blog Excerpt

HANNAH: We’re going to start with, what you feel were your best accomplishments in 2016. And this can be obviously singing, music, personal goals, personal accomplishments, and professional accomplishments – so this can be anything.

JUDY: Well, music comes to my mind because that’s why I come here. So I’ll go to that accomplishment. I guess I was just thinking of this recent performance. Reliability. When I came to you, I had this nervous feeling that I couldn’t rely on my voice. I didn’t know if I’d have a good performance or not. I mean I still have a little picky pitch issue here and there.

HANNAH: That’s okay.

JUDY: But what a difference! I think 90% of my performances now I’m putting on YouTube.

HANNAH: That’s so awesome.

JUDY: I could make less guitar mistakes, but that’s just practice.

HANNAH: That’s being human!

This picture of Hannah and I is from last summer.

JUDY: I was just thinking about my journey. I was thinking about how it leads you to places you’d never imagine. I suffered with my dry eyes for four years. And I came to you – it was just a stroke of luck that I was calling around trying to find another recording studio. And because of you, I found Dr. Wang.

And it was because of Dr. Wang that I did the coconut oil and my eyes got better. Is that not a life-changing moment?

HANNAH: It’s huge!

JUDY: It’s so huge. I was just thinking today that I haven’t had the writing bug and I’m just getting a flash about what I could write about. Healing. Healing is not objective – it’s really subjective and I’ve decided that I’m healed. Doctors told me, “It’s incurable and people never get better.” That’s what I’ve heard. If I want to, I can feel that I have dry eyes some days – I do. But I don’t go to that place. I go to the place that I’ve healed from the suffering and I have a life back. Same thing with grief.

HANNAH: That’s huge. When you started your eyes were one of the reasons we had short lessons, one of the reasons you were afraid about seminar. You asked, “Is it okay if I need to step out?”

JUDY: I was in too much pain to be with people.

HANNAH: And look at you. You’re a different person.

JUDY: I know.

HANNAH: That’s awesome. All right, what else?

JUDY: Well, you know I got my health back. I lost weight. It was really hard to get my mind in gear. That was the hardest part. Doing it wasn’t as hard as getting there.

HANNAH: That’s the truth. Once you’re in the zone it’s easy.

JUDY: It’s getting the key to let yourself out of the prison.

HANNAH: That’s right.

JUDY: And the key is really the mindset; love is the mindset. And courage. I went to find myself a new arranger. That wasn’t easy for me – even on-line dating.

HANNAH: I know!

JUDY: Which hasn’t let to anything yet. It’s funny.

HANNAH: But it will. Arranger – I’m going to write that down. You took a vacation.

JUDY: Oh yeah, that took courage. There we go again. Everything is tied together.

HANNAH: Absolutely.

JUDY: Healing allowed me to feel better, to have the courage and then to act on it.

HANNAH: You went on vacation and stayed on your diet.

JUDY: Yes!

HANNAH: They featured you on that dry eye video.

“Turning Point” DRY EYE VIDEO – Judy Unger

JUDY: Yes! This is really funny. The name of it was “Turning Point.” And wasn’t it a turning point? I said to them, “Are you sure you want me? Because I’m not healed.”

And then, of course, at the very end of the video I say, “I think good things are ahead for me.”

HANNAH: That’s right!

JUDY: And my audio book possibility.

HANNAH: It was a good year. You got a lot done last year.

JUDY: I sure did. I didn’t realize it until you had me recite everything.

HANNAH: That’s why we do that.

JUDY: I love it!

Posted in Healing and Hope | Tagged acoustic guitar, composing, creativity, expressing feelings, guitar, guitar images, healing from grief, healing music, inspiration, Judy Unger, loss, love, love for children, Love for music, lovesong, lyrics, mother and son, Music, music poetry, musical inspiration, musical passion, original songs, overcoming grief, passion for music, performing, rediscovery, singing, songwriting, staying positive, writing | 6 Comments

AMAZED AT WHERE I AM TODAY – PART 1

Posted on January 8, 2017 by Judy

I’m going to write a very personal story. (I hope my son will forgive me for sharing it.)

So many times, I’ve said this line: “I’m not a singer! I’m a songwriter.” I know that really isn’t true because I put a lot of energy into singing. I go to a vocal coach every week and perform regularly at open mics.

I didn’t sing for decades and once I rediscovered my love for music, it changed my life.

When I sing, I feel alive.

Music transports me somewhere else and my heart sings along with every word that falls out of my mouth.

These are lyrics from my song “My Dream.” I believe my message is one of joy, even when I sing songs that carry sadness.

Early last year, I developed a persistent cough that affected my singing. Until that happened, I really took my ability to sing for granted.

My cough was due to acid reflux and a doctor told me that losing weight might resolve my problem. After that, I committed myself to a weight loss program and have dropped 30 pounds already. Thankfully, my cough disappeared and my voice came back to me!

I share a close up of one of my paintings, Dessert Medley. I’m not eating these desserts now.

No chips or tacos, either.

But I am into fruit again!

My first-born son, Jason died at the age of five. I shared music with him and grief swallowed me.

I have three other children and they are all adults now. When they were growing up, I forced myself to sing to them despite my grief.

But my oldest son did not like it. If I sang to him, he would actually cry and shriek. His tiny hand would reach out to cover my mouth.

My two other children did appreciate music and have beautiful voices. While in her teens, my daughter wrote original songs and shared her recordings on YouTube. She’s very talented, but lost interest in music several years ago.

One day, I told her I hoped she would sing again. It was a shame because she had such a terrific voice. I regretted saying anything because she snapped at me. With annoyance she said, “Let go of it, mom. It’s not happening unless I want it to.”

How could I not understand? When I was 23 (her age), I stopped playing my guitar. It wasn’t until I was 50 that I played again.

As much as I love to sing, I feel uncomfortable singing in my apartment when my sons are there. My sons like to sleep late on their days off. I don’t want to disturb them with my singing. But I admit that there are times when it’s very frustrating for me.

My oldest son has had issues with noise his whole life. At his own Bar Mitzvah, he couldn’t handle the music and went outside to escape.

One time, he gently said to me, “Mom is it possible you could sing while I’m at work? I can’t concentrate when you’re singing – I’m just waiting until you finish.” It was difficult for him to say that but my 26-year-old had been working long hours and treasured his downtime.

After that, I tried to work around his schedule. If I worked on my music, I wore headphones and sang softly so as not to disturb him.

I’m going to describe something that happened last night, which surprised me so much that it’s hard for me to contain my emotions.

My son has a two-hour commute every day to his job. Sometimes he rests or reads in his car until the traffic is lighter. “Being in my car is nice because I like the peace and quiet,” he once told me. I hoped he didn’t avoid coming home because my music and singing bothered him.

Last night, he came home a little after 8:00 p.m. He walked into the kitchen where I was cooking and smiled at me. My oldest son, who never liked music, told me he had a confession to make.

He said, “Mom, I’ve discovered singing. I’ve been practicing in my car.”

To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

I grinned and said, “Wow! Honey, that’s fantastic. Singing is such a great release – you know how much I love to sing!”

“Would you like to hear me? Can I sing for you?” he stammered.

“Of course!” I said, trying to mask my shock.

“I’m not even sure how my voice sounds. I’m pretty nervous about this, but I think I can do it,” he said.

“Where do you want to sing?” I asked.

He replied, “How about in your bedroom?”

We entered my bedroom. I sat down near my bed and he stood across the room.

“My heart is pounding – I’m so nervous! Do you see I’m sweating?” he said.

I reassured him and then I closed my eyes. I hoped he’d be less nervous if I wasn’t looking at him.

He chose the song “Hallelujah.”

It was quiet and he tentatively began to sing. I had to concentrate in order to hear his soft baritone notes. But as he went along, he sang more freely. His voice was so soothing and sweet, caressing my heart and soul.

I never imagined this would happen, that my son who disliked noise and music would want to sing to me someday.

He paused and asked me how he sounded. I effusively told him what a wonderful voice he had.

“Would it be okay for me to sing a little more?” I beamed and enthusiastically nodded yes.

When he was finished, I stood up and gave him a huge hug.

It just wasn’t possible that I could love him any more than I did at that moment.

In this picture, Jason is holding his brother. Jason died five months after this picture was taken.

Tagged acoustic guitar, composing, creativity, expressing feelings, guitar, guitar images, healing from grief, healing music, inspiration, Judy Unger, loss, love, love for children, Love for music, lovesong, lyrics, mother and son, Music, music poetry, musical inspiration, musical passion, original songs, overcoming grief, passion for music, performing, rediscovery, singing, songwriting, staying positive, writing | 8 Comments

YOU’RE NOT THERE

Posted on December 28, 2016 by Judy

This post is named “You’re Not There” because I am sharing a very touching music video created by the very talented Lukas Forchhammer. His manager sent this to me and I wondered if perhaps it was because I have a similar song named “You Were There.”

Last week I read in the newspaper that his group, Lukas Graham, received three Grammy nominations. How fantastic!

Aside from being very touching musically and lyrically, I appreciated the use of Photoshop where the Lukas’s father fades in every picture. That is quite difficult to do because it requires recreating the background in a convincing way. It’s actually quite amazing to watch this video.

It’s so interesting how our song titles are the opposite and yet carry the same message.

My song celebrates my mother’s presence in my life as I mourn her absence. Lukas’s song does that also, but his father wasn’t very old when he passed away. Since my mother lived to be 88, Lukas had many more years of absence to face.

I am very lucky to have had my mom that many years, but watching her decline was tough. I hated to see her suffering and I have friends with elderly parents going through similar scenarios.

Recently, I made a new acoustic recording of my song, so I am sharing it with my own video, as well.“

“You’re Not There” is actually a good description of how I’ve been feeling lately toward my blog. I just I haven’t felt much like writing new posts. I plan to write again soon because I have a lot of exciting things to share.

Thankfully, I’m in a good place; I’m extremely peaceful and relaxed. Writing was an emotional outlet for me and I released so much over the last 7 years. I’d like to see it as emptying my heart of sadness so I could be filled with contentment.

Only this past week, I actually started up writing again. Feeling peaceful was an interesting place to be as I revisited my audiobook. I am submitting my final draft to be professionally recorded by a wonderful actress/speaker/reader. I met Susan and when I received her test sample my heart was very moved. She read my words with such feeling and connection; I cried as I listened.

My book will be published on Audible in early 2017. Saying I’m excited about it is an understatement. I’ve refined my book over the last seven years and I’m close to the finish line now!

JASON MARK – PART 1 Audio book test sample by Susan

© 2016 by Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tagged acoustic guitar, adjusting from grief, beautiful music, comforting music, composing, dedicated to my mom, dementia in mother, expressing feelings, grief, grief and healing, grief over losing a parent, GRIEF RELATED, guitar, healing and grief, healing from grief, healing music, hope for healing, hope of healing, inspiration, Judy Unger, losing a father, losing a mother, losing a parent, loss, love, love and memories, lovesong, Lukas Graham, lyric composiiton, lyric composing, lyric development, lyrics, memorial for a dad, memorial for a mom, mother daughter relationship, music and healing, musical comfort, optimism after loss, original songs, overcoming grief, singing, songwriting, staying positive, writing, You Were There, You're Not There | Leave a comment

MEMORY OF LOVE – PART 3

Posted on November 29, 2016 by Judy

Click the blue links to hear my song:

Memory of Love Acoustic 1-8-18

Memory of Love Home Recording 9-9-16

Link to other stories about this song: MEMORY OF LOVE

: For some reason, purple roses fit well as my image to describe my memories of love. I cannot explain it.

It has already been over a month since I returned from my thrilling vacation to Costa Rica.

I’ve missed writing, but I’ve had some “writer’s block” lately. So much of my energy has been directed towards getting healthy as I continue to lose weight on a strict diet program. This past week, I reached the milestone of 25 pounds. I’m also taking a lot of supplements through my naturopathic doctor, and that regimen (literally) has been a lot for me to swallow.

Since my trip, I’ve decided to carry that same spirit of adventure with me at home. I started out by doing something I never expected; I signed up on an Internet dating site. So far, all I’ve done is read profiles with curiosity. It feels very strange, but I like the idea that I am open to possibilities.

This past Thanksgiving was a perfect time for me to celebrate how much healthier I am. My nagging cough (related to gastric reflux) finally disappeared so I can sing freely again. Most of all, my dry eye condition has improved to where it no longer rules my life. I cry tears of joy for this miracle.

My music continues to give me great pleasure. Every other week, I perform two of my original songs at Kulak Woodshed’s “Twofer Night.” I usually pick ones that I’ve recently recorded for my acoustic albums. I’m still working with my wonderful vocal coach, Hannah. Her support kept me uplifted and excited about singing even when I had my cough.

Unfortunately, living with my two adult sons has affected my ability to record and sing at home. I am seldom alone in our small apartment and when either one is home I feel very inhibited to sing. This has been an ongoing struggle for me.

This is a montage of photos I put together to help me design my cover for “Memory of Love.”

Last week, I had lunch with my mother’s former companion, Miriam. It was so comforting to be with her; our connection is very special. Miriam really understood what I went through as my mother declined with dementia.

I confessed to Miriam that I felt guilty because I forgot to light my mother’s memorial (Yartzeit) candle this year. My mother was very observant with this custom and I had promised myself I’d do this very thing for her. But somehow the date (which is different every year) wasn’t marked down on my calendar, and quietly went by.

miriam-shirley-judy

The feelings brought up by this were familiar ones. I was never religious the way my mother wanted me to be and I felt badly that I disappointed her. The fact that she was gone didn’t change that.

Miriam held my hands and looked into my teary eyes and told me, “Judy, you were there for your mom while she was alive. Everyone at the nursing home was amazed by your love and devotion. Did you know they still remember you and always ask me how you are doing?”

Her words helped me smile through my tears.

I chose to find a different way to look at this to feel better. Instead of lighting a candle, I memorialized my mother with songs. It was just as valid.

And coincidently “Memory of Love” was a song I had been working on that same week. I decided it would be the title of the next acoustic album I’d release, so I began designing an album cover for it.

Composing music is a spiritual experience for me. I crave it, but cannot force it to happen. In addition to the lack of quiet space and time, I believe my diet regimen and low energy has made it hard for me to feel creative.

My last composition, which I named “My Healing Song,” remains unfinished. I just haven’t found any lyrics in my heart to write down. I’ve wondered if perhaps the purpose of my beautiful instrumental was to heal me and words weren’t needed.

Even without writing a new song, I’ve enjoyed relearning my older songs as I continue to record my entire music library. I have over 50 songs compositions and I’m very determined to have an acoustic version of every single one.

What I love most about my music, are the connections it has brought me to other people.

My friend, Joni, took this picture after our sunrise hike a few weeks ago. I was exhausted!

Sometimes, inspiration comes to me when I least expect it. I have hardly promoted my music despite having many CD’s available for sale.

When a meditation app called “Insight Timer” asked me a few months ago if I would be interested in sharing my meditation album on their site, I agreed. I wouldn’t receive money, but I’d get credit and a link back to my blog and music. I considered it to be free advertising.

My meditation album (named “Set You Free”) can be heard on the right side of this blog. That album contains the last music I created with my former arranger, George. It has been over a year since I’ve seen him and I am still working through my sadness about that musical chapter of my life ending.

When I listen to those beautiful meditation songs, I get pangs remembering the struggles I had working with George; he did not like creating them with me at all.

set-you-free-front-cover-cd-baby

But then something beautiful happened and I found the fuel I needed to change my thinking.

One day, I went to the “Insight Timer” site to see if my album had been listened to.

Not only had thousands of people listened to my songs, there were hundreds of sweet comments for me to read. I replied to every single one.

I had connected with the hearts of people all over the world! The comments for my meditation song “Memory of Love” especially left me teary as I read them. What touched me most was the fact that my music was completely instrumental. Even without lyrics my song’s message was felt.

I share a sampling of comments at the end of this post.

kulaks-snap-md

I want to mention again how I’ve decided to carry a sense of adventure since returning from my vacation in Costa Rica. Thoughts lead to how I feel and can change everything.

Instead of mourning that I’ll never have another meditation album like “Set You Free” again, I began looking for a new arranger.

I’ve already found someone. He is very accomplished and so far has been easy to work with. Our session this past week was wonderful and I look forward to sharing more about it soon.

Seeing life as an adventure has definitely made life more exciting for me!

it-comments-page-1 it-comments-page-2 it-comments-page-3 it-comments-page-4 it-comments-page-5 it-comments-page-6 it-comments-page-7 with-my-mom-at-the-nursing-home