myjourneysinsight

DON’T HURRY, TAKE IT SLOW

Posted on February 26, 2017 by Judy

These are lyrics from my song “Someone To Love You.” The lyrics I wrote to my children, definitely apply to me, too!

Just after the New Year began, I peeked at an online dating site and began writing a profile.

I pride myself for being a heartfelt writer, but writing a profile on a dating site was far different than writing for my blog. I do find humor with my first attempt. It was far too wordy and waaaaay too honest.

MY LIFE

My life is very different now and not at all like I imagined when I was younger. I devoted myself to my children and parents. I was unhappily married. I suffered through the death of one of my children.

But everything changed for me when I discovered my love for music. I became joyful and music helped me cope through the deaths of my parents. I found happiness and felt excited about life again.

I chose to get divorced after 31 years. I have been on my own now for 5 years.

I’m grateful for every day of my life. Today, I am peaceful and amazed that I had the courage to change my life.

I have wondered why I was willing to consider online dating. It’s pretty scary for me. Mostly, I feel like I’m missing intimacy in my life. I often don’t have anyone to talk to except my sons – and I certainly don’t tell them all of my thoughts.

I know I’m intelligent and have a great sense of humor. I think it would be wonderful for me to enjoy the company of a many who is kind and comfortable to be with. But since I haven’t dated in decades, it’s all very new for me.

FAVORITE THINGS

I read the newspaper every day. I love going to the movies and sometimes go alone. I don’t read much even though I am an avid writer.

I love food and enjoy cooking – my youngest son, who is 20, often joins me in the kitchen.

After my divorce, I put on a lot of weight. But I’m very proud that I have taken off most of it. I recently lost 35 pounds and am hoping to lose more.

As much as I love food, I’m very careful what I’m eating these days. I never want to fall back to being heavy the way I was. Healthy is my motto and I enjoy fruits and veggies so much more now!

IN MY OWN WORDS

I’m a creative person. Music has been my passion for the last 7 years. I play guitar and regularly perform my original songs.

However, my profession is one of a commercial artist. I’ve been illustrating since I graduated college. My work is very realistic and my paintings are on labels in the supermarket. It’s been a great career and I still receive assignments, although I use the computer a lot more now.

I was married for 31 years. The whole idea of a new relationship is very scary for me. I’ve decided to be courageous and view this as taking small steps toward meeting new people and enjoying new situations.

I was very close to my parents and they are gone now. My children are close to me. I have two sons that live with me. I chose to live in the same place where I grew up after my divorce. I’m surrounded my many memories of my past.

I’M LOOKING FOR…

Someone who understands me and whom I feel safe with. I’m not really able to say that I’m looking for a partner – my past experience has left me with trust issues. I really don’t know what a “good relationship” looks like.

I was a caregiver for many years – I took care of my childrens’ needs and was an advocate for them during their school years. Thankfully, they are doing well now. Later on, I took care of my parents.

Today, I am taking care of myself. I’m not looking to take care of anyone or have someone take care of me. I am ready to explore and discover new things. I’d love to travel more and it would be much more meaningful if I had the company of someone special.

I cheated and used a few pictures from before my cataract surgeries. I can tell the difference with how much I could open my eyes after that due to dry eye pain. But thankfully, I can open my eyes again!

I decided after a month to change my profile. I was horrified at how many personal things I had shared.

I thought it might be fun to use a service where a professional writer created my profile. This would definitely be interesting. I paid a small fee and was sent a questionnaire.

Below is what I received back. Clearly, this was a very different writing style than mine!

HEADLINE

Life’s too short to not enjoy as much as you can!

IN MY OWN WORDS

Being a commercial artist allows me a flexible schedule, which gives me time to both sing and compose music.

I love to try new things, which is part of why I love traveling! I’ve scuba dived and would love to get to Europe and to U.S. National Parks. I’d love to go camping, too!

I am filled with joy for life and would love someone who shares that feeling. I’d connect best with someone who is kind, comfortable, and intelligent (who isn’t intimidated by an intelligent woman!).

FAVORITE THINGS

Cooking, taking pictures, 70’s folk music, friends, movies, and time spent outdoors.

OCCUPATION:

I am a commercial freelance illustrator. My paintings are on many supermarket labels, which is quite fun!

Just for fun, I’m sharing a very old picture. The painting behind me was an album cover illustration assignment. Who knew that 39 years later, I’d actually use it on one of my albums!

Not long after I joined, I saw a bunch of messages in my in-box. I quickly learned which ones were scams, because they were all very similar. I actually didn’t realize it at first, but caught on.

The messages went, “I have a good friend and he’s a widower. I shared your profile with him and he would love to meet you. Please call this number.”

Finally, I received a message that seemed real. He complimented me on my smile and asked me a few questions. I looked at his profile picture and he had a warm smile, which I found very attractive.

After sending a few messages back and forth, he suggested we speak on the phone and shared his number. My heart was pounding. This was definitely getting scary. I took a deep breath and sent him a text that evening.

These paragraphs were notes that I wrote when I was coping with dry eyes. I believe that “being open” has led me to wonderful places on my life’s journey.

Tagged Celebrating a child's growth, changing your life, comforting music, creativity, endless possibilities, expressing feelings, growth, guitar, hope, hope for healing, hope of healing, I want someone to love you, inspiration, Judy Unger, keep on exploring, love, lyric development, lyric writing, lyrics, online dating, online dating profile, optimism, optimism after loss, original songs, overcoming fear, overcoming grief, parenting, passion, passion is all you need, passionate songwriter, Someone to love you, songwriting, staying positive | 4 Comments

AS YOU TRAVEL-PART 1

Posted on February 21, 2017 by Judy

This recent picture was taken at the 80th birthday party for my high school choir teacher a few weeks ago. The blouse has a hole that is named “a cold shoulder.” This story also carries another example of that!

Link to Song Page for other stories, performance and recordings: SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU.

Last week, I received a notice from WordPress to congratulate me on my seventh anniversary blogging. It was shocking to me. Has it really been seven years? Perhaps it was a lifetime ago when I began to pour out my heart on this blog.

7-year-wordpress-anniv

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt ready to open my heart again. There are a few reasons. While working with my naturopathic doctor, I willingly embarked upon a detox/cleanse that lasted six weeks. It was very tough and I finished it last week. I’m slowly getting my energy back.

Devoting myself to getting healthy has been my focus – especially since my dry eye condition has improved. I’ve emptied myself of toxins and I believe in some ways, I’ve emptied myself of the stress and sadness, which ruled my life for almost two decades.

I’m peaceful, but to be honest – the word “blah” comes to mind. I think being blah is okay, especially after living through the many traumatic things I’ve experienced. But I expect more from life. And that leads me to a very different topic that I’m going to start writing about.

This is a perfect opportunity for me to share a baby picture.

“As You Travel” is a line is from my song “Someone to Love You.” My musical life is deeply intertwined with everything I go through.

I wrote my song for my children. But the twist is that I hear my lyrics being spoken to me!

I’m actually willing to accept the possibility of falling in love again.

as-you-travel

So instead of writing about grief, loss, healing or songwriting – get ready – I’m going to throw out some humorous experiences as I tiptoe into the online dating world!

I’ll start with what triggered my willingness to supplant terror and sign up on an online dating site.

“As you travel to places you’ve never been . . . “

During my trip to Costa Rica, it was fun to taste new fruits. This one is named litchi. I found out later that it’s not actually from that country.

During my trip to Costa Rica, it was fun to taste new fruits. This one is named lychee. I found out later that it’s not actually from that country.

I was in Costa Rica with an old friend whom I actually hadn’t seen in 26 years. My willingness to take an adventure to another country with someone I hadn’t spent time with in decades was courageous and possibly foolish.

I have already written stories about my trip. I shared details of my physical adventures, which were fun and exciting.

I struggled being with my friend. I was confused and unable to share any of it. Now that four months have gone by, I am ready to write about my feelings.

Triggers, triggers, triggers. For me, triggers are land mines – they are situations where feelings erupt far bigger than what is currently happening. Those emotions are rooted in familiar past experiences.

Halfway through my trip, I was triggered.

My friend’s mood abruptly changed and she was clearly upset about something. I didn’t want to think she was upset with me, but I wasn’t sure. I sweetly asked her if she was okay. Without making eye contact, she said she was fine. She would respond to any of my attempts at conversation with one-word answers. I began analyzing every past interaction over the past two days where I might have done something that irritated her.

After a few hours, I worked up my courage and asked, “Did I do something to upset you?”

She replied that she was preoccupied thinking about her job back home. I wanted to accept that, even though the warmth I felt from her at the beginning of our trip was gone. I decided to be a good friend and give her space.

Once her freeze-out started, the remainder of our trip became awkward. Mealtimes were very strange. She wouldn’t respond to anything I said so I stopped engaging her. I watched people talking at the other tables as we ate in silence. I ate my food, excused myself after and then walked back to our room. For the rest of the trip, we never really connected again.

On our excursions, she chatted with other travelers and I did, too. I enjoyed my conversations with a few lovely couples. I found myself thinking, “I deserve to be with someone who talks to me – someone whom I enjoy being with.” One man lavished a lot of attention upon his wife. They both enjoyed telling me anecdotes about exotic trips they had gone on.

All of this triggered me back to how I felt when I was married.

The lack of intimacy, of holding feelings inside, of feeling lonely while being in the same hotel room was all too familiar. Inside my head I was crying, while on the outside I continued to smile.

Even if I had done something that upset my friend – it was unintentional. I was more than willing to apologize, but what could I do if she wouldn’t talk to me?

I suppressed my simmering frustration and tried to make the best of it. My trip was still a wonderful experience and I didn’t want this to dampen it. I saw a beautiful country and had adventures I’d never forget.

After I came home, I wrote a few friendly messages to my friend. She did not reply. If I had any doubt that she was done with me that put it to rest.

I decided to write her a letter expressing how she had hurt me, but then I tore it up. There seemed to be no point in sending it. She wouldn’t reply and probably didn’t care about my feelings anyway.

A month after this trip, I surprised myself. Perhaps the best thing that came from my disappointment was new insight.

I deserved companionship. My willingness to be open to it was huge for me. It was time for me to find the courage to begin a new adventure.

I went to an online dating site and created a profile.

Was I really ready?

my-child-i-have-a-wish

Below is a performance of one of my favorite original songs “How We Don’t Care.” It allowed me to sing my feelings in such a beautiful way not long after my trip.

Tagged acoustic guitar, beautiful music, carry you home, changing your life, child as a miracle, children and love, cold shoulder, comforting music, composing, creativity, endless possibilities, enjoy every day, expressing feelings, gratefulness, guitar, healing music, hope, hope for healing, hurt feelings, I want someone to love you, inspiration, Judy Unger, keep on exploring, love, love will carry you home, lovesong, lullabies, lullaby, lyric development, lyric writing, lyrics, Music, music and healing, musical comfort, musical passion, on line dating, optimism, original songs, passion, passion for music, passion is all you need, passionate songwriter, performing, proud of your children, singing, Someone to love you, song about a child, song about children, songwriting, staying positive, tribute to my children, triggers, wherever you roam, writing, Your sweet smile | 8 Comments

AMAZED AT WHERE I AM TODAY – PART 2

Posted on January 11, 2017 by Judy

Working with a Naturopathic doctor has really paid off for me. These are only half of the supplements I take every day. I’m in “treatment” and won’t have to do this long term.

Link to more about this song: IN THE PAST

My post title is a lyric line from my song “In The Past.” At the end, I’m going to share a recent performance of this song that I’m very proud of.

Since it’s a new year, I’d like to take one last look back at 2016. My vocal coach, Hannah Anders asked me what my accomplishments were last year. I didn’t realize how much progress I made. During our lesson, we also came up with new goals for me in 2017.

There were two things I forgot to mention to Hannah:

I created 29 illustrations and I released five music CD’s!

This was one of my favorite illustrations from 2016. I added the sky (so I could make a print for my sister-in-law). Originally, the illustration had a white background and was used for a Tillamook yogurt label.

This is how my illustration will be used. No sky was needed.

This was a mock-up of how my art was to be used on the label.

Below is a recording and transcription from my voice lesson last week. Click the link below to hear audio:

Lesson with Hannah 1-7-16 Blog Excerpt

HANNAH: We’re going to start with, what you feel were your best accomplishments in 2016. And this can be obviously singing, music, personal goals, personal accomplishments, and professional accomplishments – so this can be anything.

JUDY: Well, music comes to my mind because that’s why I come here. So I’ll go to that accomplishment. I guess I was just thinking of this recent performance. Reliability. When I came to you, I had this nervous feeling that I couldn’t rely on my voice. I didn’t know if I’d have a good performance or not. I mean I still have a little picky pitch issue here and there.

HANNAH: That’s okay.

JUDY: But what a difference! I think 90% of my performances now I’m putting on YouTube.

HANNAH: That’s so awesome.

JUDY: I could make less guitar mistakes, but that’s just practice.

HANNAH: That’s being human!

This picture of Hannah and I is from last summer.

JUDY: I was just thinking about my journey. I was thinking about how it leads you to places you’d never imagine. I suffered with my dry eyes for four years. And I came to you – it was just a stroke of luck that I was calling around trying to find another recording studio. And because of you, I found Dr. Wang.

And it was because of Dr. Wang that I did the coconut oil and my eyes got better. Is that not a life-changing moment?

HANNAH: It’s huge!

JUDY: It’s so huge. I was just thinking today that I haven’t had the writing bug and I’m just getting a flash about what I could write about. Healing. Healing is not objective – it’s really subjective and I’ve decided that I’m healed. Doctors told me, “It’s incurable and people never get better.” That’s what I’ve heard. If I want to, I can feel that I have dry eyes some days – I do. But I don’t go to that place. I go to the place that I’ve healed from the suffering and I have a life back. Same thing with grief.

HANNAH: That’s huge. When you started your eyes were one of the reasons we had short lessons, one of the reasons you were afraid about seminar. You asked, “Is it okay if I need to step out?”

JUDY: I was in too much pain to be with people.

HANNAH: And look at you. You’re a different person.

JUDY: I know.

HANNAH: That’s awesome. All right, what else?

JUDY: Well, you know I got my health back. I lost weight. It was really hard to get my mind in gear. That was the hardest part. Doing it wasn’t as hard as getting there.

HANNAH: That’s the truth. Once you’re in the zone it’s easy.

JUDY: It’s getting the key to let yourself out of the prison.

HANNAH: That’s right.

JUDY: And the key is really the mindset; love is the mindset. And courage. I went to find myself a new arranger. That wasn’t easy for me – even on-line dating.

HANNAH: I know!

JUDY: Which hasn’t let to anything yet. It’s funny.

HANNAH: But it will. Arranger – I’m going to write that down. You took a vacation.

JUDY: Oh yeah, that took courage. There we go again. Everything is tied together.

HANNAH: Absolutely.

JUDY: Healing allowed me to feel better, to have the courage and then to act on it.

HANNAH: You went on vacation and stayed on your diet.

JUDY: Yes!

HANNAH: They featured you on that dry eye video.

“Turning Point” DRY EYE VIDEO – Judy Unger

JUDY: Yes! This is really funny. The name of it was “Turning Point.” And wasn’t it a turning point? I said to them, “Are you sure you want me? Because I’m not healed.”

And then, of course, at the very end of the video I say, “I think good things are ahead for me.”

HANNAH: That’s right!

JUDY: And my audio book possibility.

HANNAH: It was a good year. You got a lot done last year.

JUDY: I sure did. I didn’t realize it until you had me recite everything.

HANNAH: That’s why we do that.

JUDY: I love it!

Posted in Healing and Hope | Tagged acoustic guitar, composing, creativity, expressing feelings, guitar, guitar images, healing from grief, healing music, inspiration, Judy Unger, loss, love, love for children, Love for music, lovesong, lyrics, mother and son, Music, music poetry, musical inspiration, musical passion, original songs, overcoming grief, passion for music, performing, rediscovery, singing, songwriting, staying positive, writing | 6 Comments

AMAZED AT WHERE I AM TODAY – PART 1

Posted on January 8, 2017 by Judy

I’m going to write a very personal story. (I hope my son will forgive me for sharing it.)

So many times, I’ve said this line: “I’m not a singer! I’m a songwriter.” I know that really isn’t true because I put a lot of energy into singing. I go to a vocal coach every week and perform regularly at open mics.

I didn’t sing for decades and once I rediscovered my love for music, it changed my life.

When I sing, I feel alive.

Music transports me somewhere else and my heart sings along with every word that falls out of my mouth.

These are lyrics from my song “My Dream.” I believe my message is one of joy, even when I sing songs that carry sadness.

Early last year, I developed a persistent cough that affected my singing. Until that happened, I really took my ability to sing for granted.

My cough was due to acid reflux and a doctor told me that losing weight might resolve my problem. After that, I committed myself to a weight loss program and have dropped 30 pounds already. Thankfully, my cough disappeared and my voice came back to me!

I share a close up of one of my paintings, Dessert Medley. I’m not eating these desserts now.

No chips or tacos, either.

But I am into fruit again!

My first-born son, Jason died at the age of five. I shared music with him and grief swallowed me.

I have three other children and they are all adults now. When they were growing up, I forced myself to sing to them despite my grief.

But my oldest son did not like it. If I sang to him, he would actually cry and shriek. His tiny hand would reach out to cover my mouth.

My two other children did appreciate music and have beautiful voices. While in her teens, my daughter wrote original songs and shared her recordings on YouTube. She’s very talented, but lost interest in music several years ago.

One day, I told her I hoped she would sing again. It was a shame because she had such a terrific voice. I regretted saying anything because she snapped at me. With annoyance she said, “Let go of it, mom. It’s not happening unless I want it to.”

How could I not understand? When I was 23 (her age), I stopped playing my guitar. It wasn’t until I was 50 that I played again.

As much as I love to sing, I feel uncomfortable singing in my apartment when my sons are there. My sons like to sleep late on their days off. I don’t want to disturb them with my singing. But I admit that there are times when it’s very frustrating for me.

My oldest son has had issues with noise his whole life. At his own Bar Mitzvah, he couldn’t handle the music and went outside to escape.

One time, he gently said to me, “Mom is it possible you could sing while I’m at work? I can’t concentrate when you’re singing – I’m just waiting until you finish.” It was difficult for him to say that but my 26-year-old had been working long hours and treasured his downtime.

After that, I tried to work around his schedule. If I worked on my music, I wore headphones and sang softly so as not to disturb him.

I’m going to describe something that happened last night, which surprised me so much that it’s hard for me to contain my emotions.

My son has a two-hour commute every day to his job. Sometimes he rests or reads in his car until the traffic is lighter. “Being in my car is nice because I like the peace and quiet,” he once told me. I hoped he didn’t avoid coming home because my music and singing bothered him.

Last night, he came home a little after 8:00 p.m. He walked into the kitchen where I was cooking and smiled at me. My oldest son, who never liked music, told me he had a confession to make.

He said, “Mom, I’ve discovered singing. I’ve been practicing in my car.”

To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

I grinned and said, “Wow! Honey, that’s fantastic. Singing is such a great release – you know how much I love to sing!”

“Would you like to hear me? Can I sing for you?” he stammered.

“Of course!” I said, trying to mask my shock.

“I’m not even sure how my voice sounds. I’m pretty nervous about this, but I think I can do it,” he said.

“Where do you want to sing?” I asked.

He replied, “How about in your bedroom?”

We entered my bedroom. I sat down near my bed and he stood across the room.

“My heart is pounding – I’m so nervous! Do you see I’m sweating?” he said.

I reassured him and then I closed my eyes. I hoped he’d be less nervous if I wasn’t looking at him.

He chose the song “Hallelujah.”

It was quiet and he tentatively began to sing. I had to concentrate in order to hear his soft baritone notes. But as he went along, he sang more freely. His voice was so soothing and sweet, caressing my heart and soul.

I never imagined this would happen, that my son who disliked noise and music would want to sing to me someday.

He paused and asked me how he sounded. I effusively told him what a wonderful voice he had.

“Would it be okay for me to sing a little more?” I beamed and enthusiastically nodded yes.

When he was finished, I stood up and gave him a huge hug.

It just wasn’t possible that I could love him any more than I did at that moment.