EVERY SEASON – PART 3

Links to more stories, recordings and performances for this song: EVERY SEASON

Leaf 1

When I wrote my song “Every Season” in 2011, it helped me to release my sadness over the death of my son, Jason. With every passing season, I remembered his life and mourned that he would “never grow old.”

I originally wrote these lyrics: “and my sadness will always be, every season you come back to me.”

Sadness will always be

When I created a new arrangement for this song this past April, I decided to change that line slightly. I revised it to: “my love will always be, every season you return to me.”

I have many songs about holding onto love. I felt that line was a triumph over the grief that ruled my life for decades. How could I be healed and still sing that my sadness would always be?

But when I went to sing this change, it ended up not working out as well as I had hoped. I wasn’t satisfied with how it sounded vocally and decided to keep my older line.

I concluded that my sadness isn’t something I have to dismiss. Remembering sadness doesn’t negate the fact that I am peaceful now and able to find joy in life. I embrace honesty. I will always carry sadness over his death and the fact that he never had a chance to grow up.

A picture with my brother, Norm.

I just returned from a cruise to Alaska with my three adult children. It all came about because my brother, Norman and his wife, Jo were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and invited me to join them and their children.

It was hard for me to believe it had been 25 years since their wedding. And of course, Jason participated in it – he was so excited to be their ring bearer. He died five months after their wedding.

On the last day of our trip, I was fairly exhausted and ready to go home. I wished I had actually spent more time with Norm and Jo, but the trip flew by and we were all busy with our children and the many activities we had planned.

Thankfully, I did spend some time with Norm and Jo on an excursion in Skagway, Alaska.

It was on our last day when I ran into them, as we were getting ready to leave the ship to go to the airport. I put down my suitcase and hugged my brother. I reached over to hug my sister-in-law, Jo and she handed me an envelope.

She said, “I wasn’t sure whether you’d get this in time if I mailed it, so I carried it along so I could give it to you at the end of our trip.”

I glanced at the envelope. It meant so much to me that she had remembered my little boy. I was overcome with emotion and began sobbing aloud. 

My three adult children looked uncomfortable to see me crying. I wiped my tears away and they all said, “Sorry, mom. We hope you feel better.”

I couldn’t explain to them what my emotions were. I just had to cry.

After I released it, I felt better.

We took a family picture in Seattle where we spent two days before our cruise. Uh oh! My earbuds are hanging out of my fanny pack!

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YOUR SMILE, YOUR TOUCH

More about my butterfly illustrations can be found at this link: https://foodartist.wordpress.com/2010/08/15/31-winging-these-illustrations/

It was a beautiful spring day and I looked forward to going out to breakfast with my dear friend Miriam. I never wanted to let too much time go by without seeing her. She had been my late mother’s caregiver and she had also taken care of my father. Even though it was almost five years since my mother died, she and I would always remain connected.

Miriam knocked on my apartment door; we hugged tightly and began chatting away. I told her I was taking her to a new restaurant and treating her for her birthday.

We sat outside on the patio of a lovely cafe and appreciated the cool weather. We were enjoying our food and conversation when I noticed the woman at the next table was staring at me. I smiled at her and she said, “You are very beautiful.”

I blushed and thanked her. I wasn’t used to hearing that as a 57-year-old woman! Miriam bubbled words of agreement. I was embarrassed but thought, “What a nice day I’m having!”

The woman’s name was Teddy and she wanted to explain what she noticed about me. “You have a light that shines from you. It is very powerful,” she said.

We began to converse across our tables. It amazed me how easy it was to chat about personal things with a complete stranger. I even felt goose bumps on my arms when Teddy shared about her brother’s death. Miriam had a lot of experience with hospice and there were many deep things we talked about easily.

It turned out that Teddy was a successful model from Tanzania, Africa.

Perhaps this was enough for me to write a story. But what happened next seemed almost surreal.

I was savoring my food in the fresh air and Miriam continued chatting with our new friend across our table. Suddenly, the restaurant door opened and a pretty blond woman with a young boy walked right over to me.

This woman touched my arm and said, “I was inside the restaurant watching you. You are a very special person. I couldn’t stop looking your way and had to come over to tell you.”

“I’m very honored,” I told her. I couldn’t believe it!

She said she was a hospice nurse. Miriam and I looked at each other. She talked about where she worked with Miriam and then she looked at me and said, “A very good friend of mine died last night.

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

She continued, “My friend told me to look for a sign. She loved butterflies, especially blue ones. I noticed your earrings right away. I believe you are a sign to me that she’s alright.”

At first, I didn’t know what to say.  Then I said, “That’s amazing because I love butterflies – they represent transformation in many different ways. Butterflies are a great metaphor for grief and healing.”

After that, I shared how much I loved the music that healed me. More than anything, I was uplifted if I could comfort other people with my gentle songs.

We talked a few minutes longer about music. “I have a lot of music at my website that I’d love to share with you. Here’s my card,” I said.

I handed her my card and she gasped – my card had a blue butterfly.

Before she left she asked, “Would it be okay if I took a picture of you and your earrings?”

I posed and Miriam took a few pictures.

I hugged her and felt completely inspired.

Miriam and I were bubbling as we left the restaurant. There just weren’t enough words to describe what had happened.

I decided that the music from my heart was my light.

On this beautiful day, it certainly shined brightly.

Miriam had fun taking some selfies of us in her car afterwards.

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MY FAIRYTALE LIFE

Last month, I attended my 40th high school reunion. It was one of those rare occasions where I had my hair and makeup done.

I am so blessed to be a free-lance artist. After many months without any kind of artwork, I had two large projects come in on the same day. Even though my workload was a bit intense, I finished both my jobs a few days ago and I am definitely celebrating. I leave on a trip to Alaska next week with my three adult children and wanted to finish them before then.

Despite having 11 illustrations to paint in 3 weeks, I continued creating music that I love with my new arranger. Everything we worked on just got better and better. The new arrangements were magnificent – they were beautiful symphonies I enjoyed listening to while working on my paintings.

I recently finished arrangements for “Every Season” and “Alabaster Seashell.” I am going to share them, as well as the guitar tracks that will be the basis for a new arrangement of my song “Set You Free.” When my vocals are done, I’ll post them with stories about those songs.

SET YOU FREE – Two guitars – Copyright 2017 by Judy Unger

ALABASTER SEASHELL ARRANGEMENT – Copyright 2017 by J Unger 

EVERY SEASON ARRANGEMENT – Copyright 2017 by J Unger

I named my post “My Fairytale Life” because it feels that way lately. On several occasions, I’ve had strangers come over to me and tell me I am shining and radiant with my big smile. Well – I love hearing that and have every reason to smile!

I share a link to a post I wrote four years ago where I also mention “my fairytale life.” It could be considered Part 1 of this story:  MY DREAM HAS ME BLESSED.

My fairytale is all about how rediscovering music in 2010 changed my life.

Memories of trauma seldom erupt from me anymore. I embrace my past because it has led me to where I am today. All of my heartbreak has eased because of music, which envelopes my heart with joy.

Now I am going to share some recent pictures!

I am posing with Delia at the Macy’s make-up counter. She was lovely and did a great job making me up!

After my makeup session, I put on my dress in the Macy’s restroom.

I could write an entire post about my 40th high school reunion, but will sum it up.

Even though I didn’t clearly remember many of the high school attendees at the reunion, it didn’t matter. We were all connected by our memories and life experiences since then. I suddenly found I had new friends and looked forward to future lunch dates filled with reminiscing and reconnecting.

Pretty funny how everyone would bend over to check out each other’s name tags!

I like my color picture better! Who is that girl?

I was very touched when a woman told me she enjoyed reading my blog. I almost felt naked because my blog is such an honest expression of my heart and soul.

I also caught up with a few good friends I never lost touch with. We spoke about very deep subjects and the time at flew by. Soon it was time for this Cinderella to get home and focus on finishing her many paintings!

On my last post, I wrote about the wonderful App named Insight Timer where I have a large audience for my instrumental music. Every day I receive messages from people all over the world telling me how comforting my music is for them. I even had a lovely Skype conversation with a new friend in Greece whom I met through Insight Timer.

https://www.insighttimer.com/judyunger

I was very excited about meeting the CEO, Christopher Plowman and his assistant, Maddy Gerard a few weeks ago. We met for tea at a restaurant in Santa Monica named Shutters by the Beach.

Christopher and Maddy were very warm and I brought some of my artwork to share with them. I told them my story, and Christopher shared how he bought Insight Timer two years ago and the progress he had made with it since then. Now Insight Timer is the most popular free meditation site available and has close to two million meditators.

I think these pictures once again show my big smile and joy.

I especially loved when Christopher shared the Insight Timer philosophy. He said, “We do not actively promote our site. Our belief is that by putting something special out there and being open to the universe, we are hopeful people will come to us.”

Well his motto is exactly what has happened for me.

I dislike promoting my music for money. I prefer to put all of my energy into creating music that moves me; music that I love. And with my willingness to freely share my music on Insight Timer, I have found a loving audience and made wonderful new friendships.

I also find it an amazing coincidence that my blog name carries the word insight!

A few weeks after our meeting, I received a message from Maddy. She asked me if I would like to be the host for a week of meditations related to grief and healing. I would choose 6 other meditations in addition to my own for every day of the week. And the best part was that I would also have an opportunity to share a brief recording about myself.

How beautiful that I have found an ideal platform to speak about how music healed me from my grief.

These are two of my recent illustrations which will be used on yogurt labels.

Below is my correspondence with a woman I went to high school with 40 years ago. She did not attend the reunion, but sent me a message after seeing the pictures I posted on our reunion’s Facebook page. I’m excited about my new friend! (Clicking on the image makes it larger).

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OPENING UP – PART 3

Guiding my thought processes through hypnotherapy has been “instrumental” in teaching me to live in a positive way. When my head spins with stories that aren’t helpful for me, I am constantly reframing those stories into new ones that feel better.

A few weeks ago, I felt very uninspired. I told myself that it was a long time since I had done anything creative. I hadn’t had an art assignment for months. I wished I could compose a new song or write a touching story for my blog. But instead, I was numb, closed up and kind of blah.

I was under hypnosis and searching for another way of thinking that would be more helpful. I said aloud to my therapist, Connie, “I want to be creative and inspired. I am open to it!”

And then a light bulb went off – that was it! Being open was my key.

After that session, I felt a creative rush and wrote OPENING UP- PART 2. But there was more that I saved for this Part 3.

There was a line from Don Maclean’s song “American Pie” that always hit me strongly: “The day the music died.” For me, my music died for almost 30 years. I never dreamed my songs would ever live again. But when they returned to me in 2010, I was reborn.

In 1980, I recorded 20 of my songs on a cassette tape. Thirty years later, that cassette helped me relearn my songs. I believe that explains my current passion for having my songs recorded. It is my way of keeping them alive, of having them live on.

Part 1 of this story (OPENING UP–PART 1) was written seven years ago and describes my first experience of having my music recorded and arranged by a man named George. George and I worked together on a weekly basis for five years and I amassed a large collection of arrangements.

The joy that came to me through the beautiful music George arranged helped me through the deaths of both my parents and my divorce. I was thankful for the comfort music gave me.

In some ways, the ending of my relationship with George was harder than my divorce. I didn’t believe I could ever find someone else that would understand my music the way he did.

For over a year, I recorded music at home. It was actually very beneficial to discover what it was like to be “on my own.” Although it didn’t carry the excitement I achieved while working with George, I did become much more intimately acquainted with my songs. I have 52 of them and my goal was to create a clean acoustic recording for each and every one. I have almost finished that goal.

My last project with George was a meditation album and we parted ways before the album was finished. I was very disappointed because I had only six songs, instead of the ten I planned on.

My meditation music made me sad because it reminded me of how my relationship with George ended.

Six months ago, a woman named Maddy contacted me and asked me if I’d be willing to upload my meditation music onto a site named Insight Timer. I was open to it and it was an excellent decision for me.

Suddenly, I had new friendships with people all over the world. Every day, I received touching messages and each one uplifted me. The appreciation became my fuel.

I used to bemoan all of my arrangements that lacked a good vocal. Now my unfinished arrangements found a new home on Insight Timer.

I wrote a blog story when I first joined Insight Timer and on it I shared some of the lovely messages I had received. (#538 MEMORY OF LOVE-PART 3)

A few days after that I received a message from Maddy. I couldn’t believe it – she had seen my blog story! She wrote:

“I came across your recent blog post and wanted to reach out to say how wonderful it was to read what a positive experience Insight Timer has been for you.  Our CEO, Christopher, read your blog post as well and felt such a sense of joy. It captured beautifully the authenticity and kindness of the community of Insight Timer.”

I am truly living my dream. When I connect with other people through my music, I feel indescribable joy. Last week, I released the full version of my six meditation songs. On only the first day, it was played over 4,000 times!

But I prefer not to focus on how many plays I’ve gotten. Reaching even one person in a big way is much more meaningful than anything else.

Two weeks ago, Maddy contacted me. She would be in Los Angeles with Christopher and we are planning to meet in a few days. Saying I’m excited would be an understatement. I plan to take a lot of pictures and write a story afterwards.

https://www.insighttimer.com/judyunger

After moping for a year, being open is what led me to find a new arranger. I’m back in a magical place of loving the music we are creating. We’re working on our fifth song together and I plan to release an album once we’ve done ten songs. Each one is a gem and I am very involved in the arranging process. It turns out that my belief of “never finding someone else to understand my music” wasn’t true.

Did my openness after that hypnotherapy session lead to me writing a new song? It didn’t, but my longing to create new music led me to reframe my thinking.

Since I see my songs as babies, I don’t need to keep giving birth to feel fulfilled.

I get tremendous pleasure watching my songs grow and develop. My babies are growing up and I cherish each and every one!

Below is a guitar recording for my next arrangement of my song “Alabaster Seashell.” I am improving as a guitarist with my new “less is more” approach.

Alabaster Seashell Guitar arrangement in progress

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