EVERY SEASON – PART 3

Links to Part 1 & 2 of this story: 

EVERY SEASON-PART 1

EVERY SEASON-PART 2

Leaf 1

When I wrote my song “Every Season” in 2011, it helped me to release my sadness over the death of my son, Jason. With every passing season, I remembered his life and mourned that he would “never grow old.”

I originally wrote these lyrics: “and my sadness will always be, every season you come back to me.”

Sadness will always be

When I created a new arrangement for this song this past April, I decided to change that line slightly. I revised it to: “my love will always be, every season you return to me.”

I have many songs about holding onto love. I felt that line was a triumph over the grief that ruled my life for decades. How could I be healed and still sing that my sadness would always be?

But when I went to sing this change, it ended up not working out as well as I had hoped. I wasn’t satisfied with how it sounded vocally and decided to keep my older line.

I concluded that my sadness isn’t something I have to dismiss. Remembering sadness doesn’t negate the fact that I am peaceful now and able to find joy in life. I embrace honesty. I will always carry sadness over his death and the fact that he never had a chance to grow up.

A picture with my brother, Norm.

I just returned from a cruise to Alaska with my three adult children. It all came about because my brother, Norman and his wife, Jo were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and invited me to join them and their children.

It was hard for me to believe it had been 25 years since their wedding. And of course, Jason participated in it – he was so excited to be their ring bearer. He died five months after their wedding.

On the last day of our trip, I was fairly exhausted and ready to go home. I wished I had actually spent more time with Norm and Jo, but the trip flew by and we were all busy with our children and the many activities we had planned.

Thankfully, I did spend some time with Norm and Jo on an excursion in Skagway, Alaska.

It was on our last day when I ran into them, as we were getting ready to leave the ship to go to the airport. I put down my suitcase and hugged my brother. I reached over to hug my sister-in-law, Jo and she handed me an envelope.

She said, “I wasn’t sure whether you’d get this in time if I mailed it, so I carried it along so I could give it to you at the end of our trip.”

I glanced at the envelope. It meant so much to me that she had remembered my little boy. I was overcome with emotion and began sobbing aloud. 

My three adult children looked uncomfortable to see me crying. I wiped my tears away and they all said, “Sorry, mom. We hope you feel better.”

I couldn’t explain to them what my emotions were. I just had to cry.

After I released it, I felt better.

We took a family picture in Seattle where we spent two days before our cruise. Uh oh! My earbuds are hanging out of my fanny pack!

About Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!
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8 Responses to EVERY SEASON – PART 3

  1. Jo Goodman says:

    You made me cry but as you said it’s okay to be sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy says:

      It’s all true – you were there when I burst out sobbing. I really believe in allowing for tears as a release. I think I was also sad about the trip ending and happy to be going home. Such conflicting emotions!
      I am very blessed to have you as my sister-in-law – like a sister. How lucky, lucky I am!!!
      Looking forward to celebrating your birthday with you tomorrow. 🙂

      Like

  2. Elisa Mogul says:

    Judy, your love, personal growth, and passion for your children and life never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for the courage you show the world by sharing your personal stories. I feel that on some level everyone can take a message away from your inspirational songs and writings.
    Love you all!
    Elisa

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy says:

      Your comment made my day, Elisa. This sweet message has me teary and appreciative of our friendship. Thank you so much for your kind words. I do hope to inspire and touch people with my songs and stories. I love hearing from you. It would be great for us to get together one of these days again soon. 🙂

      Like

  3. Joni says:

    Beautiful post Judy, you really have a gift you are to clear your videos gorgeous and I love you music. Thank you for your continued love

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy says:

      Aw, you are very welcome, Joni – it’s easy to love you! My dear friend, I am honored that you enjoyed my video and music. Looking forward to spending time with you soon.

      Like

  4. Judy so beautiful and I think it’s always best to just feel the emotions as they come, whenever they come. While it’s not always easy, remembrance is a gift. I believe it means someone touched us so deeply they left an imprint on our soul. That is where your son lives.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy says:

      Oh, Allyson – thank you for such a beautiful comment. Unfortunately, you understand so well the longing and emotions that erupt. Carol Ann is imprinted upon your soul, just as Jason is on mine. I am very touched by what you wrote.

      Liked by 1 person

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