Tag Archives: father’s death

YOU HAVE FLOWN

His life journey was diverging from mine as he moved down his own path. I smiled as I pictured a bird flying out of a nest. The momma bird was really happy because suddenly she had a lot more room to move – she had done her job well because her baby bird was flying off to a new life with wonderful possibilities. Continue reading

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SET YOU FREE – PART 3

I had no idea when I wrote the lyrics, “I long for you to hold me” – it wasn’t just about my dad. There was a lot more to it . . . Continue reading

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WITH ME WHEN I WAS BORN

When I have a song that “grabs” and uplifts me, I feel like every day is my birthday. Continue reading

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ALL OF MY TEARS GAVE ME COMPASSION

Tomorrow is my father's birthday. He died two years ago. Thinking of his absence over the last two years, is a mixed bag. I miss his caring and concern for me, but hated watching him suffer toward the end of his life. Continue reading

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YOU’RE WITH ME – PART 2

This post is dedicated to my father. Today would have been his 89th birthday. One year ago today he went into a coma and died five days later. My song “With Me” was written a month after his death. Continue reading

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AS I GROW OLD

In honor of Father’s Day, I am sharing a brand new song, which I wrote last week. It is called, “With Me.”

With me, when I was born, with me as I mourn
With me in every song, with me to keep me strong
With me every day, with me in every way
With me and always near, you take away my fear
With me when I ache, with me as I awake
With me when I weep, your’re with me while I’m asleep
With me when I cry, with me when I die
Watching my life unfold, you’re with me, as I grow old . . . Continue reading

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HOW HARD IT IS JUST SAYING GOODBYE

I have written that with Jason’s death, an opera played over and over in my mind. It is interesting how that has been happening with my father’s death. Although Jason’s opera had no melody or music, my song “Set You Free” continues to play over and over as I see the moment of my father’s death replayed throughout my day. I accept it and I understand that it is my mind’s way of trying to grasp the concept that my dad is physically gone forever. But in so many other ways, he is still with me. Hearing how much he touched other people has been very meaningful for me. Continue reading

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WE’LL BOTH BE ALRIGHT

Yesterday, I wrote: “You know you are a songwriter when you write a song while your father is dying.” That is true. I am in the process of composing the chorus for a new song, which already has two verses. This happens in my mind, no matter what I am doing. Today, I can write: “You know you are a writer when you feel the urge to write about the experience of your father’s death while it is still fresh in your mind.” That is also true. I can close my eyes and be at his deathbed in a fraction of a second. It has only been a few hours since he took his last breath and I am writing because more than anything else it comforts me. Why is writing so comforting? It is because I am hopeful that by sharing my experience I can touch other people and be inspirational. I feel like there is a light shining all around me. It lights up what once used to be darkness. Continue reading

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OUR LOVE REMAINS WITH EACH TEAR

Tonight, one of the nurses who read my blog told me that my writing is very sad. That led to an interesting discussion. I admit that I write about very sad things. I have written a great deal on my blog over the past two years, and I know that there were also times when I was humorous and witty. But my writing is truly about honesty. As a writer and a person, I am transparent and completely open. I do not hold back. There are no filters for me. My current situation might be sad, but I also see great hope and optimism with my writing. Even with this story about a very dark time, I see light shining all around me. I am living through something that many people go through at some point in their lives. That is watching someone you love die. Continue reading

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SET YOU FREE-PART 2

So often my father had wept to me about how he looked forward to seeing Jason in heaven. With that thought, I began coaching him. Firmly and gently I said, “Dad, please do this. You can leave the prison of your body. You are not alone. Jason is waiting for you. You can give me a sign and a beautiful gift if you would just let yourself go. I watched as his breathing slowed; I held my breath. But he continued rattling. Over and over, I continued to beg him to go. I wished I could put a pillow over his face. Why was it like this? Why couldn’t he have died in his sleep on Monday morning? I left him with my heart pounding in that funny rhythm. I knew my heart would be calm when his stopped. Of that I was certain. Continue reading

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