Tag Archives: death of my dad

ALL OF MY TEARS GAVE ME COMPASSION

Tomorrow is my father's birthday. He died two years ago. Thinking of his absence over the last two years, is a mixed bag. I miss his caring and concern for me, but hated watching him suffer toward the end of his life. Continue reading

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OUR LOVE REMAINS WITH EACH TEAR

Tonight, one of the nurses who read my blog told me that my writing is very sad. That led to an interesting discussion. I admit that I write about very sad things. I have written a great deal on my blog over the past two years, and I know that there were also times when I was humorous and witty. But my writing is truly about honesty. As a writer and a person, I am transparent and completely open. I do not hold back. There are no filters for me. My current situation might be sad, but I also see great hope and optimism with my writing. Even with this story about a very dark time, I see light shining all around me. I am living through something that many people go through at some point in their lives. That is watching someone you love die. Continue reading

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I NEED TO SET YOU FREE

So often my father had wept to me about how he looked forward to seeing Jason in heaven. With that thought, I began coaching him. Firmly and gently I said, “Dad, please do this. You can leave the prison of your body. You are not alone. Jason is waiting for you. You can give me a sign and a beautiful gift if you would just let yourself go. I watched as his breathing slowed; I held my breath. But he continued rattling. Over and over, I continued to beg him to go. I wished I could put a pillow over his face. Why was it like this? Why couldn’t he have died in his sleep on Monday morning? I left him with my heart pounding in that funny rhythm. I knew my heart would be calm when his stopped. Of that I was certain. Continue reading

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