Tag Archives: death of my dad


Tomorrow is my father's birthday. He died two years ago. Thinking of his absence over the last two years, is a mixed bag. I miss his caring and concern for me, but hated watching him suffer toward the end of his life. Continue reading

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Tonight, one of the nurses who read my blog told me that my writing is very sad. That led to an interesting discussion. I admit that I write about very sad things. I have written a great deal on my blog over the past two years, and I know that there were also times when I was humorous and witty. But my writing is truly about honesty. As a writer and a person, I am transparent and completely open. I do not hold back. There are no filters for me. My current situation might be sad, but I also see great hope and optimism with my writing. Even with this story about a very dark time, I see light shining all around me. I am living through something that many people go through at some point in their lives. That is watching someone you love die. Continue reading

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So often my father had wept to me about how he looked forward to seeing Jason in heaven. With that thought, I began coaching him. Firmly and gently I said, “Dad, please do this. You can leave the prison of your body. You are not alone. Jason is waiting for you. You can give me a sign and a beautiful gift if you would just let yourself go. I watched as his breathing slowed; I held my breath. But he continued rattling. Over and over, I continued to beg him to go. I wished I could put a pillow over his face. Why was it like this? Why couldn’t he have died in his sleep on Monday morning? I left him with my heart pounding in that funny rhythm. I knew my heart would be calm when his stopped. Of that I was certain. Continue reading

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