Tag Archives: dad’s death

HOW HARD IT IS JUST SAYING GOODBYE

I have written that with Jason’s death, an opera played over and over in my mind. It is interesting how that has been happening with my father’s death. Although Jason’s opera had no melody or music, my song “Set You Free” continues to play over and over as I see the moment of my father’s death replayed throughout my day. I accept it and I understand that it is my mind’s way of trying to grasp the concept that my dad is physically gone forever. But in so many other ways, he is still with me. Hearing how much he touched other people has been very meaningful for me. Continue reading

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I NEED TO SET YOU FREE

So often my father had wept to me about how he looked forward to seeing Jason in heaven. With that thought, I began coaching him. Firmly and gently I said, “Dad, please do this. You can leave the prison of your body. You are not alone. Jason is waiting for you. You can give me a sign and a beautiful gift if you would just let yourself go. I watched as his breathing slowed; I held my breath. But he continued rattling. Over and over, I continued to beg him to go. I wished I could put a pillow over his face. Why was it like this? Why couldn’t he have died in his sleep on Monday morning? I left him with my heart pounding in that funny rhythm. I knew my heart would be calm when his stopped. Of that I was certain. Continue reading

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I ALWAYS KNEW THAT I HAD YOU

I had focused so much on losing my mother incrementally to her dementia. Now I had my father to think about. The aching feeling in my heart spread like tentacles throughout my body. I wasn’t sure what the ache was about. I thought about what I would write.
Then I heard music playing and realized that the words I was searching for had already been written. I decided that my recent song “You Were There,” applied to my father as well.
Continue reading

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