Link to more stories about this song: THE UNKNOWN
“The Unknown” is the song that doomed my marriage of 31 years. When it “erupted” in 2011, I was very distraught because I admitted feelings I had previously denied for years. I kept my song a secret until I found the courage to set myself free. But it took several more songs to prod me forward.
Dreaming helps me to conquer fear. Once upon a time, it seemed like changing my life was insurmountable; the unknown was very scary. I no longer worry about my future. Because at this moment – it’s feeling very beautiful for me!
If anyone is curious to know more about how this song began, I share links below:
#304 I’M READY TO LIVE ON MY OWN
It was afternoon and I was ready to sing. My last few song vocals had come out so well and I was quite proud. It wasn’t because I was such a great singer; it was because I had been “surfing with emotion.” And wiping out.–
That meant I was usually weeping while singing. I was prepared for those moments of uncontrollable tears. The feeling behind them translated well into my vocal performance. There was no holding back for me.
A few days ago, I decided to record new vocals for my song “The Unknown.” I wasn’t sure I could replace the vocal I had. I knew for certain, that I could sing that song much better now. But the emotion was hard to match.
I decided to take a shot at it. It will be a few weeks before I can edit it. But I already know it came out great. I sang my song fourteen times.
Today happens to be the date of my “former wedding anniversary.” It is the first one since my divorce. I want to share something I wrote a year ago on my blog. It is a story about my final anniversary, which was only two weeks before I told my husband I wanted a divorce.–
THE DRAGON AND THE LAST ANNIVERSARY
The Princess knew that she could not hold her secret much longer. Like acid, it was burning and pouring out from every part of her body.
Only a week after her father had died, her secret escaped. She tortured herself because she had burdened her own child on top of everything else. Now that her son knew her horrible secret, he pushed her constantly to “get it over with.” He told her she could no longer wait. She replied that she was praying for the right moment. But there would not be one.
That was because she knew the dragon was unprepared and would be wounded beyond description. She wished there were an easier way, but she could not think of any. Over and over she heard her son’s words, “Just do it! Kick the bucket; kick the bucket!”
Every day held torment, especially when she faced the dragon. She hated his presence because he carried tremendous stress with every word he spoke; he made her ill.
She made it a point to avoid him and wondered if he even noticed. For weeks now, they had hardly spoken. Sometimes, she was amazed that he didn’t complain about her absence. He seemed so unhappy with her, but never said a word about it. He projected his anger instead to the many things that were wrong in their castle. Clearly, he felt the Princess had done a poor job disciplining their offspring.
Once upon a time, she had tried so hard to make him happy. But when she found her music, she decided to focus her energy elsewhere. She was relieved to discover her own happiness outside of him and wondered how he lived with so much unhappiness.
Because they didn’t really have a definite anniversary, there was never a celebration. Long ago, she had complained and occasionally he gave her a card. He would simply sign his name and run out to buy it at the last minute. She even felt badly to trouble him with that obligation.
In the more recent years, she had trouble finding a card to give him. That was because most cards made her sad. She couldn’t find any card with sweet words that were true for her. The truth was their life together was empty.
Soon it would be their 30th anniversary. The Princess suffered greatly as she anticipated it. She decided not to buy a card for him.
When the day was finally over, she was deeply relieved. It had gone by like a silent whisper. Yet it was still louder than deafening thunder in her brain.
It turned out that the dragon never mentioned anything to her; he had not even remembered a card.
In her tortured mind, she was certain he knew. Perhaps her son had told him of her plans to ask for a divorce. She imagined that the Dragon was preparing himself for that moment.
A few days later, her son tearfully reminded her that she needed to kick the bucket and tell his father. The Princess muttered over and over, “Kick the bucket, kick the bucket!” for several more days.
Finally, she made up her mind that she was going to do it. It was almost like vomiting. She slowly walked upstairs and into their bedroom to expel the sickening words. With every ounce of courage she told the dragon that their marriage was over.
The Dragon displayed little emotion. She assumed he was in shock just as she had expected. But she decided to ask him.
Only a week before when he ignored their anniversary – was it because he knew she was going to divorce him?
The dragon shook his head and told her.
He just hadn’t remembered.
© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
I am reading your blog and am so excited for this new chapter of creativity and reaching out. You rock, girl!
Thank you, Janet! I have absolutely loved sharing my journey with you. Your friendship is my rock. I’ve been blessed by having your support and love. Let’s having out and dance together soon.
Just listening to you on the recordings gives me peace – you are a star, Judy.
Thank you, Julie. I always appreciate that you actually listen to the recordings – I’ve wondered if anyone does in this busy world of ours. The meaning behind the unknown is something that might be applicable to your life. Ahead of you is “the unknown.” When Anthony is gone that must seem unbearable, unbelievable and terrifying. Yet – it really is unknown and there will be many surprises ahead in your life that cannot be imagined. It takes bravery, that’s for sure. You are not choosing your “unknown” – it will be thrust upon you. In that way our circumstances are a bit different. But you are a brave woman; I know that. Sending love.
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of course people are listening to your music! how can you doubt that? since the first time i listened i knew you were destined for so much well deserved happiness. hearing you in person was an honor and such a moving experience. you have worked for this and i am so happy you are embracing your rewards.
love and hugs to you my friend
Thank you, Sandra! I guess I had some doubts since I offer so much music on my blog for free and it’s seldom downloaded. But whenever someone tells me that my music touched them – then I’m ecstatic. You are one of my special friends and I was honored to play for you. I hope to again and will look forward to that.
what beautiful pictures. i loved it all. So excited your happily following passion. Rock on Jude, rock on!!
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Thanks, Joni! You are such a wonderful friend. As always, thank you for your unending support. The best part is sharing with you. Love, Jude