Category Archives: Healing and Hope

ALL I HAVE LEFT AFTER THE DEATH OF MY CHILD

My life was as gray as ashes for almost two decades. I devoted myself to my children and my parents. I coped by simply going through the motions for many years. I was alive but not really living, but my love kept my spirit going. Continue reading

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I’M NOT A POSTER CHILD ANYMORE

I don’t have to be a poster child anymore for bereaved parents! I don’t have to always be smiling, and I don’t have to prove to anyone that I’ve moved on. I can still cry and feel pain for not having my beautiful child to hold. I can still cry because I cannot see him grow up and have the life I thought he was entitled to. I may continue to cry for him when I am very old. Continue reading

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JASON MEANT “HEALER” – PART 1

For me to enter a hospital so soon after my son had died following heart surgery was a huge challenge. Still, I manage to navigate a huge medical center to find her and her son. I stayed with her while her son had that surgery.
I think that was truly one of my most difficult days. I overcame my grief knowing that I was doing something where Jason would have been proud of me.
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THERE WAS HOPE FOR ME

I was the most “stuck” person, and the consummate caregiver. Honestly, I’ve been taking care of people for years and years. I’ve never expressed any of my feelings. I was appropriate, considerate, and I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. When my parents lived with me, I was running on empty. For years, almost every single day after Jason died, I woke up wishing I never woke up again. Continue reading

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