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Originally posted on Susan Hanfield:
I am excited to celebrate with Judy Unger the audiobook release of her poignant memoir Beside Me Always recorded at Studio City Sound and produced by Punch Audio. I met Judy a year prior to…
Susan Hanfield did an incredible job recording my audio book. My book is now available on Audible!
For thirty years I didn’t write. But In 2010, I opened up my heart completely and my journey of insight began. The material that poured forth on my blog became the script for my book.
I dreamed of releasing an audio book for over eight years. I recorded it myself four times and learned a great deal about recording from that. I hesitate to even think about how many hours I spent working on my passionate project.
I always envisioned my book as an audio book because I loved the idea of adding audio clips to enhance the story. Those clips weren’t actually used in the final rendition, but I added them as out-takes at the end of the book.
In 2015, I met with the publisher of Punch Audio to see if he could distribute my most recent book recording. His name was Alex and his feedback was that I didn’t have a trained speaking voice to carry my material. He said that authors rarely speak their story well and instead recommended I have it professionally recorded.
His suggestion was to listen to one of Susan Hanfield’s audiobooks. I did, and set up another appointment with Alex. When I came to the recording studio, Alex introduced me to Susan who was there recording another book. We immediately hit it off.
I confessed to Susan that I was anxious about having someone else read my story. She completely understood and a few months later generously recorded a 10-minute sample of one of my stories.
When I began to listen to her sample I was nervous. But then I became emotional and realized what a beautiful voice she had to tell my story.
It took another two years after that before my project moved forward. I decided that I wanted to improve my book. My close friend, Janet who was an author helped with additional editing and I will be forever grateful to her. I ended up adding four more chapters due to her excellent suggestions.
Sitting in a recording studio and watching Susan record my story was magical and moving. I could hardly believe that my life stories were unfolding in such a beautiful way.
At the same time that my book was moving forward to completion, I began creating a new meditation song also named “Beside Me Always.” The melody that I composed when I was 17 reverberated through my life. I felt completely inspired and uplifted by the exquisitely haunting notes.
When my book became available two days before Mother’s Day, I eagerly shared the news. I created a slideshow with my new music “in progress” playing along with the lyrics Susan had so beautifully read.
I shared it with friends and family. And then the reality of it all hit me. I put my head down on my desk and cried.
They were tears of sorrow, tears of joy, and tears of healing.
Click to hear a shortened excerpt of Angel in the Sky Meditation Song. The 30-minute version is free on the Insight Timer Meditation App:
ANGEL IN THE SKY MEDITATION SONG BLOG EXCERPT
Watching a close friend die from pneumonia was a trigger for me. The horror of my mother’s death seemed vivid again as I took in the sad circumstances of my friend, Marilyn.
As always, I was thankful for my music. It carried me through the sadness and became a cozy blanket for everyone around me to rest upon.
I especially appreciated my newer meditation music. I had two new songs – one was still unfinished and the other one I had just released on Insight Timer, the meditation app where I had a warm family of listeners.
I was glad I made the decision to create new meditation music when 2018 began. I found a new arranger; his name was Robert. He was a kind young man and told me he was no stranger to grief when I described my music to him. We had a great connection from the start and our first song was one I had longed to use for meditation – Angel in the Sky.
I was very nervous. I had to catch my breath as I walked into the huge hospital. I was going to an isolation room where Marilyn was.
Only a few days before, her son had sent me a text and I ached reading it. He suggested it would be a good thing to visit her. Prior to that, she was undergoing stem cell treatments and wasn’t able to have visitors for months.
The line her son wrote that stuck in my head was: My mom has at least another week to go before she has the chance to come home and succumb to her terminal illness.
I donned a gown, gloves and a mask to enter the room; my heart was pounding. I tapped on the door and entered slowly.
Because of her weakened immune system, Marilyn was struggling with pneumonia. She coughed continuously, but she asked me to tell her about things happening with me. I couldn’t help but feel terrible knowing that she was dying as I shared about my life.
I could see she was tired and I told her I would play something soothing so she could sleep. I had brought a small speaker and began playing my meditation song “Angel in the Sky.” The notes caressed the hospital room.
When it was time for me to leave, I reassured Marilyn that I would come back to visit her again soon. My eyes watered when she told me in a whisper that she would like me to bring my guitar the next time I visited.
I returned a few days later. This time, another good friend came with me. Marilyn was part of a group – our group had been together for 15 years and had a very special bond.
Lynn spread lavender on Marilyn’s sheets and gently provided a Reiki treatment while I sat nearby.
I had brought my guitar and hesitantly pulled it out. It was difficult to play with gloves on, so i slipped them off. I slowly lowered my mask so I could sing and hoped it would be okay.
I played over a dozen grief-related songs. Marilyn thanked me after every one.
The one that gripped me the most was “Never Gone Away.” It was hard to sing the line: “I know that soon you will leave me.” The reality I was facing made those lyrics absolutely true.
With courage I blurted out, “Marilyn, I am going to dedicate a song to you when you are gone.”
She said softly, “That would be very nice.”
This photo was taken two years ago when our group visited Marilyn while she was undergoing chemo.
With each visit over the next two weeks, Marilyn grew weaker and weaker. Eventually she couldn’t speak or open her eyes.
The last time I visited her hospital isolation room, she was struggling to breathe with an oxygen mask. Her sister had been staying overnight and was exhausted. She filled Lynn and I in on the gravity of things.
When Marilyn suddenly opened her eyes and expressively blinked at me, her sister told me it was unbelievable.
I unzipped my guitar from its case and began playing. Marilyn’s agitation diminished and she relaxed. I sang again for hours.
It was very spiritual and filled with deep music connection. I knew when I left that it would be the last time I’d be doing this with Marilyn.
She died later that evening.
But then, I was invited to play for her one more time. This time she was lying in a coffin at her vigil.
I waited for the right moment. I chose the songs I had played in the hospital. I sang my lyrics slowly and carefully so they could be understood.
I felt tears falling around me as I sang.
The flower bouquet for Marilyn from our group.
Our group of five “Special Moms” attended the funeral. We purchased a flower arrangement and it was Lynn’s idea that we could keep the tiny ornamental statue. We’d take turns bringing it with us to our gatherings. That way Marilyn could join us in spirit. I loved her idea!
Later on, Lynn confided in me. She said, “Ever since our last hospital visit, I’ve had some trouble sleeping. I’ve been listening to your Angel meditation song on Insight Timer. It has helped me sleep and feel better.”
Her words helped me feel better, too.
Marilyn was now an angel in my life.
The comments I receive on Insight Timer are definitely fuel for me to continue creating new music.
ANGEL IN THE SKY MEDITATION SONG ON ITUNES
ANGEL IN THE SKY MEDITATION SONG ON SPOTIFY
At a recent performance I dedicated a song to Marilyn. It can be heard at this link: NEVER GONE AWAY
Marilyn inspired my lyrics for “Wonder Why.” That song can be heard at this link: WONDER WHY
My Facebook post in dedication to my dear friend, Marilyn.
Seeing pictures of our group brought back wonderful memories such as this one taken in Solvang.
This is my favorite picture of our group. We call ourselves “Special Moms.”
People often comment to me about my smile. I have always found it easy to smile and since I rediscovered my passion for music, I am bursting with joy from within.
I also like to look at my life as an adventure. It gives me the openness to try new things and to view anything scary as something worth overcoming.
I recently came back from touring Utah. It was definitely an adventure for me!
Next week, I am going to embark upon an adventure because I am having one of my songs filmed for a music video. It is truly a dream come true and nothing I ever imagined I’d be doing at the age of 58!
When I began playing my guitar again eight years ago, it was due to my good friend, Joni. She remembered how I had played in high school and encouraged me to play again. And how interesting it was that her two sons, David and Shimmy had recently started producing music videos. For a few years before that they had been producing commercials.
She connected me with them and I was intrigued by the idea that I could actually create a music video for one of my songs. I met with the creative team and was impressed with how professional everyone was. This was becoming a lot of fun for me!
David would direct the video and it would be filmed by Shimmy. Shimmy’s wife, Donna, added wonderful creative input. The obvious question they asked me was which one of my songs did I want made into a music video?
It wasn’t easy for me to pick my favorite song.
I sent a folder of recordings over to David. I narrowed down my choices to five songs. David listened to them and told me there was a favorite one – it was so sweet that it even made him teary. I tried to guess which song, but I couldn’t.
When he told me it was “Crystal Oceans,” I grinned from ear to ear – I never considered my love song to be that touching. But I did love the title and it certainly conjured up lovely imagery.
(Link to more about “Crystal Oceans” https://myjourneysinsight.com/crystal-oceans/)
It was so long ago when I composed my song as a 17-year-old girl dreaming of romance. How would anyone relate to my song since I’m a lot older now?
David reassured me that my song would work just fine. Actors could play out the song’s story. This was sounding more and more exciting. When I received his detailed script and shot list I almost fell out of my chair.
There would be a young Judy. And a handsome young man would portray the guy with crystal blue eyes running down the beach. Young Judy would be penning lyrics in her bedroom as she imagined him taking her by the hand. They would frolic in the tide and fall in love.
But older Judy (ME!) would also be in the video. David loved the image of me sailing on a boat. It held beautiful metaphors; I was setting my sites on the horizon as I calmly sailed across the sea to an unknown destination.
My lyrics for Crystal Oceans evolved over time. David didn’t know that my verse about sailing was only written six months ago. It definitely added more to my song’s story and I was ecstatic that everything had come together for my song in such a profound way.
But it was Donna, Shimmy’s wife who had a surprising idea. She said everyone loved happy endings. My video would close out with the image of a handsome older man holding me as I sailed across crystal blue seas at the end of the video. He was the older version of the young handsome man I longed for at the beginning of my song.
My post title of “That Moment When” is a line from “Crystal Oceans.” Sometimes, it becomes clear when there is a moment that changes everything.
Throughout my life, I’ve experienced that. Sometimes it is with hindsight that I’ve realized something minor was actually something very significant.
Originally “Crystal Oceans” was about my dream that a handsome young man would take my hand, but there was also that moment when I allowed music into my heart again after years and years of grief.
When I started to play music again after 30 years, I had many responsibilities and chores to do. But there I was sitting alone in my darkened bedroom and I never imagined what it would lead to; that my life would completely change after that.
At the age of 17, I loved singing the melody to “Crystal Oceans.” I even used la la la’s to fill in my song because it didn’t have verses. The catchy tune was one I never forgot, even after 3 decades.
Then In 2011, I was on a vacation with my family and decided to expand my song. I sat in the bathroom to write the verse lyrics and melody. It was very challenging to imagine romance because I was lonely at the time and very much devoted to my family. But as a songwriter, dreaming and imagining lifted me right out of my stressful life and was magical.
Last year, I recorded a new version of “Crystal Oceans.” I decided my song could benefit by adding one more verse. I was still married when I wrote the verse lyrics in 2011, but now I was divorced. What could I come up with? My new verse became:
In my dreams on crystal blue seas, you and I are sailing on an ocean breeze . . .
David’s script involved a sailboat and the rental was secured. Two months ago, I enjoyed watching the screen tests and the actors that were chosen were wonderful. I had to admit that I was a little nervous about filming the ending to my video in a romantic way with a total stranger.
I’ve thought a lot about my video ending with the illusion that I had an enduring relationship with the blue-eyed young man. If I chose to, I could be sad and mourn that I did not experience what I had dreamed of as a young girl.
But I’ve had many other dreams come true and there are many more to come. “Crystal Oceans” is all about dreaming and possibilities. Just because I’m older – well, it hasn’t ended for me.
I am on an adventure where anything is possible!
myjourneysinsight 