myjourneysinsight

MISUNDERSTOOD-PART 2

Posted on July 16, 2018 by Judy

For lyrics and other recordings of my song: MISUNDERSTOOD

Since I left my marriage six years ago, my focus has been my children first, and then my music. That has continued.

Music makes my world magical. It lifts me over my stress and worries. It opens up my heart. Feelings buried in the depths of my mind erupt when I hear gorgeous melodies.

For almost a year now, I haven’t felt as connected to my blog. I’ve continued to wait for inspiration to write something profound and touching. Sharing my heart has helped me in the past but I cannot share my heart completely now because so much of what I go through involves other people and their lives.

So I have been quietly writing about other things.

I’m currently creating a workshop for the app Insight Timer on the topic of grief, music and healing. There are ten lessons and for each one I discuss the lyrics to one of my grief-related songs.

I have created three new meditation songs so far this year, and am currently working on my fourth one. I continue to record guitar and vocals for my “deck” of 52 acoustic songs. Currently, I am on number 32.

My lyrics in progress are always very revealing. I share my lyric drafts even with areas of words scratched out.

A few weeks ago I began recording my song “Misunderstood.”

Every acoustic song of mine has two or more tracks of guitar parts. For “Misunderstood” I decided to add some strumming, which is very new. I like trying new things!

Misunderstood Guitar Mix

My current arranger, Robert, played a lovely piano addition to my guitar tracks. It is quite beautiful and hearing my song this way is very uplifting. The process of creating piano is something I’m very much a part of because I edit and chose the notes from many different takes. I enjoy doing that a lot. I’m planning to create a medley of my latest guitar and piano songs to put on Insight Timer in the near future.

Misunderstood Guitar & Piano

The lyrics to my songs speak to me. I have found great wisdom through my own lyrics. Even though I wrote them, I often discover subtle new meanings that I never intended. It’s fascinating when that happens.

It was no coincidence that I chose to record “Misunderstood.” I was feeling very emotional because my child had disclosed something to me that was terribly upsetting. I cannot write about it, but for several weeks I found myself crying and attempting to hold myself together.

Worry and fear are very contracted energies. In an attempt to dispel my anguish I spun different ways to look at the situation. My biggest method of coping has been love. I love my child deeply and I also try to extend a lot of love and compassion to myself.

I was recording vocals for “Misunderstood” last week and Robert stopped me. He felt my emotional vibe for the song wasn’t working well, but he wasn’t sure why. This song was so different from my other songs. Regret was such a hopeless emotion.

Misunderstood Acoustic 7-20-18

I wondered if perhaps I sounded too angry or forlorn. I took a deep breath and remembered how important self-compassion was for healing and coping. I thought of my parents and how much I missed them. I wondered what they would have thought about the upsetting information my child shared with me.

I began singing again and then the revelation shook me. I wasn’t singing this song to my child. It was a song to me.

“The walls you’ve build protect you now, I want to tear them down somehow”

I remembered four years earlier when I composed “Misunderstood” that I related to that line in an interesting way. I was very heavy and needed to lose a lot of weight. Overeating was a wall of protection. It was a way to numb my feelings and distract myself from the truth.

Now three years later, I felt stressed and had started gaining weight again. I maintained most of my weight loss overall, but I hated this recent feeling of heaviness.

With a more gentle mindset, I adjusted my headphones and closed my eyes. I felt the emotion and vulnerability pour from me as I sang.

“You won’t forgive me for that argument. Those words you heard – I never meant.”

“Misunderstood, left with regret. Painful words you can’t forget”

As I sang my song to myself, I realized I hadn’t forgiven myself for those painful words spoken to my child 4 years earlier. I was the one with the inability to let go.

There was no misunderstanding now.

I understood.

Tagged acoustic guitar, an argument, arranging music, artist, beautiful music, composing, creativity, escape through music, forgiveness, guitar, healing music, hopeful and optimistic, inspiration, Judy Unger, left misunderstood, lyric development, lyric writing, lyrics, misunderstanding, misunderstood, Music, music and inspiration, musical comfort, musical inspiration, optimism, original songs, passionate songwriter, regret, self-compassion, singing, song lyrics, songwriting, too hurt to move on, trust is gone, words I never meant, writing, you won't forgive me | 9 Comments

Beside Me Always – Now Available On Audible!

Posted on May 31, 2018 by Judy

This gallery contains 4 photos.

Originally posted on Susan Hanfield:
I am excited to celebrate with Judy Unger the audiobook release of her poignant memoir Beside Me Always recorded at Studio City Sound and produced by Punch Audio. I met Judy a year prior to…

More Galleries | Tagged beautiful music, Beside Me Always, compassionate friends, coping with grief, death, death of a child, discouraged about healing, grief, grief bereavement "Loss of a Child", GRIEF RELATED, healing from grief, healing music, hope, hope for healing, hope of healing, Insight Timer, inspiration, Judy Unger, meditation music, music and healing, optimism, singing, songwriting, staying positive | 2 Comments

YOU’RE BESIDE ME

Posted on May 12, 2018 by Judy

Susan Hanfield did an incredible job recording my audio book. My book is now available on Audible!

For thirty years I didn’t write. But In 2010, I opened up my heart completely and my journey of insight began. The material that poured forth on my blog became the script for my book.

I dreamed of releasing an audio book for over eight years. I recorded it myself four times and learned a great deal about recording from that. I hesitate to even think about how many hours I spent working on my passionate project.

I always envisioned my book as an audio book because I loved the idea of adding audio clips to enhance the story. Those clips weren’t actually used in the final rendition, but I added them as out-takes at the end of the book.

In 2015, I met with the publisher of Punch Audio to see if he could distribute my most recent book recording. His name was Alex and his feedback was that I didn’t have a trained speaking voice to carry my material. He said that authors rarely speak their story well and instead recommended I have it professionally recorded.

His suggestion was to listen to one of Susan Hanfield’s audiobooks. I did, and set up another appointment with Alex. When I came to the recording studio, Alex introduced me to Susan who was there recording another book. We immediately hit it off.

I confessed to Susan that I was anxious about having someone else read my story. She completely understood and a few months later generously recorded a 10-minute sample of one of my stories.

When I began to listen to her sample I was nervous. But then I became emotional and realized what a beautiful voice she had to tell my story.

It took another two years after that before my project moved forward. I decided that I wanted to improve my book. My close friend, Janet who was an author helped with additional editing and I will be forever grateful to her. I ended up adding four more chapters due to her excellent suggestions.

Sitting in a recording studio and watching Susan record my story was magical and moving. I could hardly believe that my life stories were unfolding in such a beautiful way.

At the same time that my book was moving forward to completion, I began creating a new meditation song also named “Beside Me Always.” The melody that I composed when I was 17 reverberated through my life. I felt completely inspired and uplifted by the exquisitely haunting notes.

When my book became available two days before Mother’s Day, I eagerly shared the news. I created a slideshow with my new music “in progress” playing along with the lyrics Susan had so beautifully read.

I shared it with friends and family. And then the reality of it all hit me. I put my head down on my desk and cried.

They were tears of sorrow, tears of joy, and tears of healing.

Posted in Healing and Hope | Tagged acoustic guitar, audio book, Beside Me Always, child's death, compassionate friends, composing, creativity, death, death of a child, drowning from grief, grief, grief and healing, grief bereavement "Loss of a Child", GRIEF RELATED, guitar, healing, healing music, hope for healing, hope of healing, inspiration, Judy Unger, loss, lovesong, lyric writing, lyrics, Music, music and healing, music recording, optimism, original songs, performing, recording studio, Torture of grief, writing | 8 Comments

WE HAD TO SAY GOODBYE

Posted on May 7, 2018 by Judy

Click to hear a shortened excerpt of Angel in the Sky Meditation Song. The 30-minute version is free on the Insight Timer Meditation App:

ANGEL IN THE SKY MEDITATION SONG BLOG EXCERPT

Watching a close friend die from pneumonia was a trigger for me. The horror of my mother’s death seemed vivid again as I took in the sad circumstances of my friend, Marilyn.

As always, I was thankful for my music. It carried me through the sadness and became a cozy blanket for everyone around me to rest upon.

I especially appreciated my newer meditation music. I had two new songs – one was still unfinished and the other one I had just released on Insight Timer, the meditation app where I had a warm family of listeners.

I was glad I made the decision to create new meditation music when 2018 began. I found a new arranger; his name was Robert. He was a kind young man and told me he was no stranger to grief when I described my music to him. We had a great connection from the start and our first song was one I had longed to use for meditation – Angel in the Sky.

I was very nervous. I had to catch my breath as I walked into the huge hospital. I was going to an isolation room where Marilyn was.

Only a few days before, her son had sent me a text and I ached reading it. He suggested it would be a good thing to visit her. Prior to that, she was undergoing stem cell treatments and wasn’t able to have visitors for months.

The line her son wrote that stuck in my head was: My mom has at least another week to go before she has the chance to come home and succumb to her terminal illness.

I donned a gown, gloves and a mask to enter the room; my heart was pounding. I tapped on the door and entered slowly.

Because of her weakened immune system, Marilyn was struggling with pneumonia. She coughed continuously, but she asked me to tell her about things happening with me. I couldn’t help but feel terrible knowing that she was dying as I shared about my life.

I could see she was tired and I told her I would play something soothing so she could sleep. I had brought a small speaker and began playing my meditation song “Angel in the Sky.” The notes caressed the hospital room.

When it was time for me to leave, I reassured Marilyn that I would come back to visit her again soon. My eyes watered when she told me in a whisper that she would like me to bring my guitar the next time I visited.

I returned a few days later. This time, another good friend came with me. Marilyn was part of a group – our group had been together for 15 years and had a very special bond.

Lynn spread lavender on Marilyn’s sheets and gently provided a Reiki treatment while I sat nearby.

I had brought my guitar and hesitantly pulled it out. It was difficult to play with gloves on, so i slipped them off. I slowly lowered my mask so I could sing and hoped it would be okay.

I played over a dozen grief-related songs. Marilyn thanked me after every one.

The one that gripped me the most was “Never Gone Away.” It was hard to sing the line: “I know that soon you will leave me.” The reality I was facing made those lyrics absolutely true.

With courage I blurted out, “Marilyn, I am going to dedicate a song to you when you are gone.”

She said softly, “That would be very nice.”

This photo was taken two years ago when our group visited Marilyn while she was undergoing chemo.

With each visit over the next two weeks, Marilyn grew weaker and weaker. Eventually she couldn’t speak or open her eyes.

The last time I visited her hospital isolation room, she was struggling to breathe with an oxygen mask. Her sister had been staying overnight and was exhausted. She filled Lynn and I in on the gravity of things.

When Marilyn suddenly opened her eyes and expressively blinked at me, her sister told me it was unbelievable.

I unzipped my guitar from its case and began playing. Marilyn’s agitation diminished and she relaxed. I sang again for hours.

It was very spiritual and filled with deep music connection. I knew when I left that it would be the last time I’d be doing this with Marilyn.

She died later that evening.

But then, I was invited to play for her one more time. This time she was lying in a coffin at her vigil.

I waited for the right moment. I chose the songs I had played in the hospital. I sang my lyrics slowly and carefully so they could be understood.

I felt tears falling around me as I sang.

The flower bouquet for Marilyn from our group.

Our group of five “Special Moms” attended the funeral. We purchased a flower arrangement and it was Lynn’s idea that we could keep the tiny ornamental statue. We’d take turns bringing it with us to our gatherings. That way Marilyn could join us in spirit. I loved her idea!

Later on, Lynn confided in me. She said, “Ever since our last hospital visit, I’ve had some trouble sleeping. I’ve been listening to your Angel meditation song on Insight Timer. It has helped me sleep and feel better.”

Her words helped me feel better, too.

Marilyn was now an angel in my life.