MY FAREWELL TO MUSIC

I share two performances of this song. I think I’ve improved with playing it. My first performance was in 2010 and my second was in 2019.

#16 MY FAREWELL TO MUSIC

FAREWELL-12/24/12 Copyright 2010 by Judy Unger

FAREWELL CLASSICAL-10/13/10 – Copyright 2010 by Judy Unger

My 30 year old recording of this song is on the post from mid-February below:

REDISCOVERING WHAT I LOVE TO DO

More images from my high school choir at this link:

#67 MY MUSICAL ATTACHMENTS

I wrote this in 1980 (it is very neat – there are more pages below). I cannot read music anymore.

These recordings from 2011 were when I discussed Farewell with Peaches Chrenko, my former vocal coach:

“This morning”

When I arrived at George’s studio this morning, first I played my old, classical guitar. I wanted a purely instrumental track. I swear that guitar still has sand in it from the many years I played it on the beach!

After half an hour of repetitive tries, I decided it was enough. My recording was the best I could do; if there were clicks and buzzes, so be it. Sweat was pouring from me. I wanted to have energy for the second track on my steel string guitar. George said he could do a few things with the classical recording another time.

For the arranged version, I played my steel string guitar. It felt different as I began to play the same progressions of notes. The sound was like bells – “tinny” and sweet, for sure. I played over an over until I decided the song was close enough. My technical virtuosity began to improve two weeks ago when I concentrated on remembering this piece again after thirty years.

Now I could relax. I collapsed in a chair across from George. He started by adding reverb to “sweeten” my guitar melody. He played notes on his keyboard and adjusted it until he decided upon an instrument to begin with. His selection sounded like human voices going “ahhhh.” I wasn’t sure – but as he softly added his notes; I liked it.

I hummed for George the old melody I used to sing. George wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea to play over my guitar. When he played the melody I hummed, it sounded so beautiful to me. I decided I wanted him to add the melody in the second chorus and third choruses in different octaves.

George said he wanted to add a drum thump – I told him to go ahead. There was no way to describe the euphoria I felt as I listened to my song build and crescendo.

It felt more amazing than anything I’ve ever experienced!

Certainly it was clear for me that recording songs has become the most joyous part of my life right now.

Until this morning I didn’t remember my song’s melody beyond the guitar part.

“My Song Was Instrumental for Me”

When I was seventeen, I was composing songs whenever possible. In addition to songs with lyrics, I composed a few interesting, guitar solos; one in particular was my favorite. I called the song “Farewell,” after composing lyrics for it. The words never seemed to flow well throughout the entire piece.

Recently, I came across some sheet music, which I had neatly written. On that page, I listed my song’s name as “Fantasi.” I think it is interesting to share that I cannot read the music I transcribed, because in thirty years I’ve completely forgotten how to read musical notations!

In my senior year of high school I added lyrics and melody to this song. I played “Farewell” to say goodbye to my high school choir friends, and that is why I named it such.

After graduating high school, I was very much into playing classical guitar. I was not technically that accomplished. Despite practicing constantly, my playing was choppy and there was no future for me as a musician. However, studying for a semester at Cal State Northridge was definitely beneficial. It certainly made me appreciate how much dedication is required to be a musician!

At one time, I could play from memory at least thirty classical guitar pieces. I can only play two now, and not very well at that!

When I attended a month long camp in 1978 at the Brandeis Bardin Institute, I remember sharing this song as a farewell there, too. Of course, one of my favorite songs at that time was the “Ice Castles Theme.”

Cheryl and I were always singing and playing that song; we often cried as we played it because we knew that the words were true for us. The words that moved us especially were, “Please don’t let this feeling end, it’s everything I am, everything I want to be . . .”

Because this song with words was not at all compelling for me, I decided to leave it simply as an instrumental piece. Until today, I didn’t remember “Farewell’s” melody line. The guitar melody was haunting for me; somehow I have felt it might be theme music for my life.

I started to play my guitar in January, when I began this blog. After not playing much for thirty years, I did not remember how to play my own song’s composition. I felt longing whenever I listened to a cassette recording of it. I wondered if I would ever again be able to recreate those beautiful chords and notes. I had to find the fingerings all over again, and my technical ability had certainly regressed from not playing for such a long time.

Without rushing the process, I attempted to explore the notes I heard in my head to see if I could find the fingerings again. Gradually, I found many of the pieces – it was almost like a puzzle. Some were missing and then the next time I played I would figure out those missing parts.

Last week, I had all the parts! My next step was to continually practice the whole thing and see if I could do it smoothly. Recording something perfectly has been next to impossible for me. At my last recording session, it took over a hundred attempts to record the guitar part for Crystal Oceans to my satisfaction. With a completely, instrumental recording, any buzzing or missteps would be heard.

I debated whether to change the title to my instrumental song. I decided to leave it as “Farewell.” This song invokes a wistful feeling for me when I play it. I feel wistful when I remember bidding farewell not only to my youthful experiences, but also to my music for thirty years.

I’m always telling my kids not to get too much sun because they’ll have “sun damage.” I was not a good example!

FAREWELL

Composed by Judy Unger, copyright 2010

you must know why

it’s so hard to say goodbye

to the place I will remember my entire life

it just seems so unfair

for memory it has become

but these feelings inside

will live on . . .

as the time draws near

my love will last

the time went so fast

it just seems so unfair

for memory it has become

but these feelings inside

will live on . . .

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

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THE FUTURE WAS SCARY

I can clearly remember how it felt to be this age.

8/24/10 MY LESSON WITH PEACHES

8/24/10 PEACHES LESSON – SAYING GOODBYE 1

8/24/10 PEACHES LESSON – SAYING GOODBYE 2

This Saturday is Peaches’ 50th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PEACHES! I am definitely planning to do something for her!

Excerpt of a message to a friend today:

My blog is still up and growing – and I’ve kind of changed direction from pursuing being a writer.

Well, I am doing simply great. My therapy from writing has transferred over into my rediscovery of guitar and my love of music, especially my songwriting that I did before I got married. I started out in March with voice lessons at a public park (with the same voice teacher my youngest son had). From there, I began going to a recording studio/arranger and have been getting a lot of pleasure recording my songs. I decided to really help myself improve by performing. I now have two weekly “gigs” and I play for Borders Bookstores; I also do an open mic thing on the Internet once a week!

So instead of being an illustrator, I’m working on revising my songs, and playing my guitar. I share a lot of this on my blog, including portions of my voice lessons. It has been a lot of fun for me. I have no idea where it is going. I am inspired, however, that I’ve received beautiful feedback from people sharing that my music has moved them.

What more could I possibly want?

On top of this, I am also enjoying my other blog – the one all about my illustration career. I update this blog about once a week. I scan files from many of my old jobs and categorize them. It has been a lot of fun, and perhaps it might end up being my book after all.

“My exciting life”

Yesterday, I was driving with my two sons home. While making a left turn, I pulled up next to this huge, pickup truck with enormous tires. I looked up and noticed that the two men in the front seat were grinning and leering at me. I smiled to my sons and said, “Wow, I’m fifty and I’m not used to seeing men look at me that way. Did I do something?” I was very embarrassed a moment later.

Because, just as I was saying that, one of the men leaned way out of his window – there was a noise and I jumped. My oldest son said, “Mom, that man just spit on our car window. Sure enough, the window was wet and my stomach started churning.

My life is getting way too exciting for me!

Here was a comment by one of the players in my tennis game today:

“Judy, is working on writing a song over there in the shade while we’re all talking!”

She was right!

A picture to remind me of a wonderful family vacation. The future wasn't scary when my parents took care of me.

A picture to remind me of a wonderful family vacation. The future wasn’t scary when my parents took care of me.

In my song, Only Tears I mention the words, “uncertain careers” and “the future was scary.” Well, my career is still uncertain!

I’m not sure how I’d even describe what I’m doing now. I could say, “I’m currently not working and only playing.”

That is accurate, because I spend long hours devoted to my fun and passionate endeavors without any kind of income.

At times, I do have financial concerns; however the guilt I formerly had about whether I am a productive person without an income seems to be gone. I feel like I am far more valuable now than I ever did when I made money.

When I was young, the future did seem scary. I wonder if I’ve faced some of those things that I thought were so scary. Cancer certainly seems scary, and I haven’t had to deal with that. However, I’ve faced many things that weren’t easy.

I’ve decided the future is simply unknown, and will be revealed to me. That whole process isn’t scary anymore; it is what makes my life meaningful.

I have too much energy for my present life, and none to waste about what might happen in the future.

Right now, my heart is light. But the “seasonal march” began today for me.

Summer has finally hit with unbearable heat. My thoughts began to linger about how long it will be until the weather starts to cool down.

Thus began the imperceptible march toward my next “anniversary of the heart,” which is in early October. That is the date of Jason’s death. It will be 18 years since he died at the age of five on October 6, 1992.

With bereavement that has forever changed me, always comes the memory of loss. The exquisite pain is always remembered, but with less intense heartache. I am human, and my joy is tempered by my appreciation for how fortunate I am despite losses in my life. To be human is to experience loss.

This morning, I was checking my phone messages and received an urgent one from my mom. She said she was ill with a persistent cough, and that she was up all night choking. I immediately called the nursing station at her facility and I explained that my mom is susceptible to infections, and that she was intubated due to respiratory failure. The response to my phone call was that she would be closely monitored at night and a doctor would see her tomorrow.

I am still an advocate when needed.

I have not yet finished writing about the experience of my mom being on a respirator earlier this year. That was the catalyst for the amazing changes in my life. The urge to write again has come; I must revisit that story soon.

I used to say, “I can never relax! Something bad will happen!”

Now I say, “I appreciate my joy, and will cope with whatever challenges come my way.”

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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IT BECAME THE START

This was an assignment I did in Junior High. I had to create a “business,” so I created a diet restaurant! I feel like I’m running one right now with our family!

I am healthy. Let me say that again. I AM HEALTHY!

My fingernails, which I originally grew to appear “less disfigured,” have turned out to be an amazing asset for guitar playing. I have rediscovered my classical compositions and it has been very exciting for me. However, although I’ve written about pain and trauma in my life – there is something I am not looking forward to. That would be experiencing the pain of breaking a fingernail!

As our situation and debt becomes more “dire,” I am amazed at how calm I feel. I’ve decided that this is my time in life now. I remember that not too long ago, we invested considerable money for our youngest son to attend a private school, and that saved him. I realize that what I am doing now is investing in myself.

I love every moment of my life right now.

I spend an enormous amount of time writing two blogs, practicing music, and performing. This is in addition to shopping and maintaining our household. I seek no money at all for what I am doing. I am sharing my knowledge, my feelings, my stories, and my music for free. I love the fact that my performances at Border’s are free also.

In my heart I feel certain that what I am doing is still valuable – even if I have no income. I see a future that includes money someday. However, even if that never happens I wouldn’t regret what I am doing one iota!

There are simply not enough words or even the capacity of language to describe my joy from what music has brought to my life.

Here I am eight-years-old, and I already look worried!

One of those pictures that has me wondering why I always thought I was fat.

I’ve decided that today I want to write about another thing that has really made me happy. That would be my physical, self-image.

My entire life I’ve struggled with my weight. Having children and gaining so much weight during my pregnancies (100 pounds with Jason), certainly was real. However, I have found it interesting to see younger pictures of myself where I wasn’t really that heavy. I tortured myself thinking that I was for most of my life.

It wasn’t too long ago when I felt resigned to the fact that I would never be able to lose the weight that made me miserable. Recently, I came across a diary entry where I wrote that I was losing weight for my own wedding! In my entry, I mention that I had an injection in my scar. Prior to my wedding I had plastic surgery for a scar on my chin resulting from a car accident.

Now even my scar feels beautiful for me! I feel liberated now to be fifty. I feel far more beautiful now than I felt when I was thirty or forty.

In the entry below, my music was already starting to fade. I was a nail biter my entire life except for a very brief period when I studied classical guitar for one semester. I was already back to biting my nails; they were gone when I wrote this entry.

Clicking on this brings it up larger.

I’m hoping I’ll never bite my nails again.

I am not going to say that I am certain that I will never struggle with weight again. However, it has been very interesting for me that the whole process of my losing weight this year was about the release of all my sadness. Since I began writing my blog in February, I have lost thirty pounds. It amazes me how easy it was.

I am not hungry for foods that are not “helpful” for me. I don’t really care if I lose any more weight or not. I feel fantastic with where I am right at this moment.

I only eat when I am hungry, and I enjoy what I eat. However overall, food is actually very unimportant to me. I am so filled up with other things in my life; I no longer need to fill myself up with food.

I will end this post with two more pages from my diaries. The entry from 1984 was the second to last entry; I didn’t write again until this past February. I was clearly entering a different phase in my life, and I was hopeful that my weight problems were over.

I had no idea what awaited me with my pregnancy and with Jason’s ordeals.

I worked as a secretary in the summers during college.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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CRYSTAL OCEANS – PART 1

Clicking the blue link below plays a later recording of Crystal Oceans:

Crystal Oceans Acoustic 4-25-18

Crystal Oceans Guitar & Piano 4-22-18 Copyright 2018 by Unger

CRYSTAL OCEANS #1 INSTRUMENTAL-Copyright 2014 by Unger

BELOW IS AUDIO FROM MY VOICE LESSON – Once again, this is only for people that are interested in my passion for singing and songwriting.

LESSON WITH PEACHES – 8/16/10

LESSON WITH PEACHES ON CRYSTAL OCEANS – 8/16/10

While on vacation with my family last week, I decided to see if I could revise one of my favorite songs written when I was sixteen years old. The old song that I concentrated on was named “Crystal Oceans.” I had reworked the song, “So Real” into something new – so I was sure that this song was worthy of that effort.

My song had a nice, catchy chorus, and a bunch of la la la’s. It really needed some verses! Initially, I felt like the name “Crystal Oceans” needed to be changed. It was a nice metaphor for blue eyes, but didn’t really describe the feelings in the song.

I wrote this song when I was simply a young teenager dreaming of possibilities; it was not written for my husband. I thought of renaming my song “Into Your Heart,” but after receiving feedback from my friends I decided that Crystal Oceans was actually a sweet name.

This morning when I started writing, I didn’t plan to write about my new song. But I think my feelings connect to what I am currently doing. I’ve decided that I feel like Cinderella.

Unfortunately, I started out thinking I was like Cinderella – but not in a good way. I envisioned that as I danced around like a princess through my life, it would all suddenly change.

In a moment, my beautiful joy and demeanor would suddenly dissolve into gray and drab surroundings; the way it was for a very long time.

I am like someone who has spun around completely into a new existence. The best description I remembered using before, was that I was like a teakettle of emotion that simply exploded when I started writing.

I’ve always been an open person, but not to this degree. Most of the people who knew me, hardly ever heard me mention my deceased son. Certainly, I don’t think I ever mentioned that there was a time in my life when I loved guitar, songwriting and music either.

While I was on vacation last week, I looked at an old blog post of mine, and could hardly believe I had written it. I wished I had the time to delete most of my entries that I giddily thought at one time were so interesting. However, since my Cinderella story began with my writing – I feel hesitation to change anything. My writing documents the changes that have happened to me.

I like the idea that I’ve shared optimism and hopefulness!

I’m embarrassed quite often at how much I have revealed to my friends, as well as imposed. I frequently sent out far more emails than a normal person would. Hopefully, they will forgive me.

I think my awareness is part of my returning back to being a more “balanced person” again.

I have three teenagers and even though I no longer write about them, the challenges are there. My elderly parents depend on me and that is something that is also quite difficult for me.

I have not mentioned my husband too much. My husband and I have been very remote from each other for a long time. The death of our son and our childrens’ challenges made things quite difficult. We are still very committed to each other, but the distance is there. 

Here was a huge challenge for me: I’m fifty years old; how could I write verses to a love song? I’ve been married almost thirty years and I needed to tap into what I felt like as a teenager. This was going to be very interesting!

Somehow it came together for me, and it was indescribable. Writing about love and possibilities seems to fit well in my life right now.

I think the knowledge of “possibilities” is what has saved me. Although I started out thinking that my Cinderella life might turn gray again, I ended up realizing that in the actual Cinderella story, the prince finds her and she lives happily ever after.

I would like to be an inspiration for other people to know that despite loss and sadness, there is hope that joy can once again enter into your heart.

CRYSTAL OCEANS

Original Song by Judy Unger, Copyright 2014

Into your heart, I hoped I could reach

From the day I saw you, walking on that beach

Into your arms, I wanted to be

comforted, caressed, held securely

I wanted you, and I’d often dreamed of what could be

‘cause in your eyes I’d look and I could see

crystal oceans sparkling ‘pon the sand

I’m longing for the warmth of your hand

Into your heart, I wished for a chance

you might get to know me; imagining romance

Into your mind, where memories reside

we’d write a new story, dancing in the tide

I wanted you, and I’d often dreamed of what could be

‘cause in your eyes I’d look and I could see

crystal oceans sparkling ‘pon the sand

I’m longing for the warmth of your hand

Into your heart, I searched for a way

Your smile melted me from that first day

I wanted you, and I’d often dreamed of what could be

‘cause in your eyes I thought that I could see

crystal oceans sparkling ‘pon the sand

I’m longing for the warmth of your hand

I wanted you and I didn’t think you’d notice me

But then you smiled my way and you

took my hand, so it became the start

The moment you let me in your heart

The moment you let me in your heart

The moment you let me in your heart

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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