myjourneysinsight

I’VE ALWAYS CARED-PART 1

Posted on October 2, 2010 by Judy

Click the blue link to play audio:

I’ve Always Cared Home Recording 4-2-17

I’ve Always Cared #2 Arrangement 2015

Link to hear a snippet of my medieval first arrangement:

I’ve Always Cared #1 Arrangement 2012

Link to hear a snippet of a recording of this song from 1980:

I’ve Always Cared 1980 Recording Excerpt

I’VE ALWAYS CARED

It’s unbelievable

Has it really been that long?

For years we were strangers

But I knew all along

I’ve always cared, and I always will

Never felt that way until

I passed through my life without you

I’ve always felt and I’ll always feel

Now I know it is for real

And this time, and this time

I want to be with you, with you

We’re back together

I wonder what lies ahead

The past is behind us

There’s so much left unsaid

CHORUS

I dreamed of you and the life we once shared

You weren’t gone, ’cause I still cared

Now I want to be with you, with you

I loved you still, though we were apart

No one else could know, the way you touched my heart

CHORUS

Now I want to be with you, with you . . . with you

–

Today, I went into the studio to record an old song entitled, “I’ve Always Cared.”

George calls me a “Libra girl” and makes fun of many of my “clunky,” big words. On this song today, we eliminated two of those. Here they are: inconceivable and scattered remnants. He wasn’t crazy about “tread,” but we left it.

My song formerly began on the chorus. We both decided it would be better to save the chorus and begin with a verse. However, I only had two verses. I wrote the third verse in ten minutes, and I announced each line to George. He had ideas for rhymes, but I told him that if they weren’t perfect rhymes to forget it! He gave up.

George helped me figure out good chords for an introduction. This song has very unusual chords for the verses. He came up with an excellent, brief progression of chords that perfectly transitioned into the first verse.

As usual, once I finished recording my two guitar tracks, and vocals, I was fascinated to see what instrumentation he would come up with. Together we bantered like brother and sister. George always glared at me when I tried to second-guess him.

I left his studio with another great recording.

Today for some reason, my mood is lighter. My humor has returned. The other day I caught our adorable Chihuahua, named Killer, peeking out from under a bedspread – right near where my pillow was. I took his picture.

My revelation: I have no working memory! Only half an hour later, I lay down on my poor, sleeping dog. I felt the lump and then I jumped! (Hey, good rhyme.) He was too shocked to even let out a yelp.

He wheezed for a few minutes and then he was okay.

Our little dog got even with me the next day. My oldest son came to me breathless and informed me, “Mom! I asked you to make sure Killer stayed away from my dinner! He ate my burrito! Why did you leave it on the dining room table?”

That was a very good question.

I came home after recording. I wanted to post something about my song, “I’ve Always Cared.” I remember when I wrote this song. I was going through a difficult time trying to decide between two boyfriends. There was the one from high school that I had gone to two proms with, and then there was my future husband.

–

For fun, I am sharing some diary pages from an exciting time in my life.

The very last paragraph of my post is the punch line.

My song, “I’ve Always Cared,” was probably not written for my husband – I think I wrote it for the “other guy!” I had a lot of guilt over how I treated him. I wanted to believe I knew what I was doing in getting back together with him before our final breakup.

However, sharing this doesn’t take away anything from a song that is still relevant and meaningful for me!

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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MEMORY OF LOVE-PART 1

Posted on September 29, 2010 by Judy

THE MEMORY OF LOVE

Memory of Love Acoustic 1-8-18

Memory of Love #1 Instrumental 2011

Memory of Love #2 Arrangement 2015

I drove home after recording my song. As I listened to it in my car, I cried as the floodgates opened. I remember a wonderful song from the 70’s called “Everything I Own” by the group, Bread. The lyrics to that song implied a lover wishing things were the way they used to be. I was very touched when I learned that David Gates actually wrote the song for his father.

The other day, I shared my new song “Memory of Love” with a good friend. When I was finished she looked worried. She said, “Are you and your husband breaking up?”

I hadn’t thought about it the way my friend did. But I like my songs to be relatable – so she was right – my song did fit for someone discouraged by the loss of closeness in a relationship. I had actually thought my song might touch someone dealing with a loved one who was terminally ill.

Originally, the chords and melody to “Memory of Love” were for a different song named “A Place I’ve Never Been.” That song from 1980 was unusual because it was the only song of mine with lyrics written by someone else.

The lyrics were written by my best friend in college named Cheryl. I was so touched by a poem she wrote for me that I added music to it. Cheryl died in 2008 from breast cancer and I could not sing those words anymore.

At first, I felt sad to give up the beautiful lyrics that my dear friend had written. But Cheryl lives on in “Memory of Love.” I carry so many memories of our beautiful times so long ago.

I have a story that tells more about the origins of this song. The link to it is below:

#94 THE PLACE INSIDE MY HEART

This card is one of many that I treasure. My mom wrote it with the realization of her illness progressing. A fews years later, she was unable to write cards.

To our dearest most wonderful daughter Judy,

Things happen in life. I never expected what did happen. I’m your mom and always loved being your mom. Now it’s seemed to change. You became my caretaker. Nothing stopped you from catering to my needs. From early morning until bedtime you are there for me. I’ve gained weight and strength because of you.

Now it is your birthday and I must tell you how much you mean to Dad and I. Please have a wonderful and happy year starting now on your birthday. We love you so dearly. We hope you enjoy your new tennis outfit and racket.

Love, Mom and Dad

These are my actual lyrics in progress.

Mother's Love

THE MEMORY OF LOVE

–

How can I tell you, I’m sad you’re leaving me?

I miss the way you used to be

I’ve lost you somewhere

I’m lonely and I cannot share

I can’t tell you, so instead I just pretend

it’s easier that way, than to face the end

I’ve tried so hard to accept

as you fade away, I’ve slowly wept

I feel, I sense, there’s so much fear

I try to be brave, as you disappear from here

–

I cannot see you,

you’ve become transparent

I ache and wonder where you went

I know you can’t hear my cries

with deaf ears and vacant eyes

I pray, I wish, you were aware

but when I feel despair

the memory of love is there

Tagged "sandwich generation", acoustic guitar, Aging Parents, Caregiving, composing, creativity, dementia, dementia in mother, grief, grief over losing a parent, GRIEF RELATED, guitar, healing music, inspiration, Judy Unger, losing a mother, loss, lovesong, lyric composiiton, lyric composing, lyric development, lyric writing, lyrics, Memory of Love, mother, mother daughter relationship, mother's illness, Music, musician, original songs, performing, singing, songwriting, writing | 2 Comments

THE PAIN YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO BEAR

Posted on September 28, 2010 by Judy

This was a picture taken in May at one of my first lessons.

This post is about my ultimate break up song “The Unknown,” which was written before the end of my 31-year marriage. However, my post title is from my first break up song named YOU’RE NOT THE ONE.

My song, “The Unknown” was evolving. As much as I wanted to record it with George, I had the clarity to know that improvements cannot be rushed. My song most definitely improved with some adjustments.

I decided that I could play it at Kulak’s – I might not be 100% sure on all the lyrics, but it was close.

Just to be honest; my mother still has the acuity and certainly is aware of our love. I also know the memory of it is not far off. That is because I tend to anticipate and project where things are heading. I know my words touch on something that many people can relate to.

Last night while performing at Border’s, I celebrated that I was able to play my guitar the entire hour without numbness.

I could play for my audience or for myself. My audience looked to be mostly people in the store reading; I didn’t have the feeling that anyone was there specifically to hear my music. I treated myself to playing all of my own songs. I only played two cover songs at the very end. I decided to indulge myself since I’d missed playing my guitar this week.

Then it happened again at 4 a.m. I woke up and my hands had that familiar tingling sensation.

It would start with that, and then my fingers would feel like bursting balloons, throbbing with intense pain.

I could hear Connie’s voice in my head, “Acknowledging that your subconscious is telling you something through a symptom in your body is not enough to make it go away.” There was work that needed to be done around that

I had not yet begun to do the work, for sure. It wasn’t easy for me to accept the concept that my body was afflicting me through subconscious thoughts. I always liked the idea that I am totally in control and “captain of my ship!”

As my fingers tingled, I remembered that I needed to treat my hands lovingly – that much I remembered from my last session. I was ready to jump up if the pain got worse. However, I started a dialog with my own hands – it was bizarre!

I said, “Hands – I love you; I need you! I am sorry if I’ve overworked you at times. Please know how much I appreciate you. I know that numbness is familiar and I accept that.” I stroked my own arms.

The tingling continued, however, there was no pain. I became even more relaxed. I repeated all of this many times throughout my morning. Without the braces on at night, I didn’t feel the crippling, stiffness in the morning. That symptom worried me the most. I wore the braces to cope with the pain – I was elated that the pain was kept at bay!

Tingling was manageable and pain was not.

Imagery is a powerful tool. I have learned that through hypnotherapy.

It started with the lion in the cage (the braces) as a way to describe the manifestation of my pain.

The other day I, I imagined myself with a whip while I squeezed my wrists with extreme pressure to combat the excruciating pain. It was helpful to do that, but still it was painful. I see this image as my way of needing to be in control

Today my image changed. The lion became a kitten. The tingling was like purring. And this time I listened.

I stroked my hands and understood.