Tag Archives: Advocacy

I WOULD BE OKAY

My son inspired this story. But mostly I am writing about my feelings. I no longer pretend to be happy and allow myself to feel – that includes joy and sadness. Continue reading

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YOU’RE NOT THE ONE – PART 2

I realize that I had no idea what it meant to find “the one.” I married when I was twenty and until this year I never lived on my own. I am certain I was far too young to have gotten married. I stayed married when the odds were against it. I stuck with my decision for 31 years and celebrate the beautiful children that my husband and I created together. Continue reading

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EVERYTHING LED ME TO THIS PLACE – PART 1

I accept that the many things that were difficult in my life have allowed me to grow and develop into who I am today. The place where I now reside is a beautiful one. I love my life because I am following my dream. Continue reading

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I AM THE SANDWICH – PART 2

I love my mother and celebrate her quality of life. There are those who believe in spending countless dollars to extend the suffering of terminally ill patients. I am proud of my willingness to go against medical professionals who believe they know what is best for my mother. I am so sorry for elderly people who do not have an advocate! Continue reading

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SADNESS WENT AWAY

I described to Connie how I visualized myself dealing with my current life. I used the metaphor of running a marathon. I had abundant energy and as I encountered horrific roadblocks in my path, I continued running. I was also running through long, dark tunnels. But my focus was on the beautiful sunlight streaming through and awaiting me at the end of those tunnels. As I ran, music played for me. I had an angel on my shoulder. Despite the challenges I continued to face, I loved my journey. It was easy for me to stay positive with all the encouragement I continued to receive surrounding my writing and music, I told Connie. As I left her guesthouse, I beamed and marveled at my blessed existence. Continue reading

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EVERY TIME I SEE A SMILE

On Sunday, I picked up a brand new Mac computer! My childhood friend, Steve, helped me decided which one to order. I had the computer shipped to him first so he could prepare it for me. I sent him a backup drive to work with. Steve set it up and added significant and fantastic music software for me. There was no way I could ever repay him for all the extras he added for me. Continue reading

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HEALING CAME AT LAST

I’m aware that I have a complicated life. However, because I’ve given myself permission to indulge my passions – well, I feel like I’m the luckiest person on earth. It’s not that I don’t have financial worries, responsibilities, or pressure. It’s just that I am so happy. The pain of grief is indescribable. It is suffocating, torturous, and excruciating. Even those words do not truly capture the feeling of wanting to escape from the world of the living. I have lived with that level of pain. Continue reading

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HOW SHE WAS BLESSED

I was having a lot of difficult deciding on what to name my post. What could pull everything together? Suddenly, I found my insight. I decided to name my post “How She Was Blessed,” which was a line from my new song. To have a caregiver like Miriam for my mother reminded me of that. But then, the revelation came to me after I corresponded last night with my dear friend, Magda, who suffers terribly from the progression of MS. Continue reading

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LONELINESS FILLED MY DREAMS

I was definitely wearing a “Super daughter cape” as I left my mother following her appointment. I wrestled with the “demon of dementia” and had won. My mother went from tears to joy as I steadily convinced her of the reality. As I drove home, however, I still had the familiar gnawing pain inside me. I wondered why I wasn’t more joyful that she had beaten the odds and survived her hip fracture without having surgery!
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EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT AWARE

My friend, Sam, wrote: Do the best that you can for your Mom, but primarily spend time with her and try to enjoy the awareness that she still does have. Keep her comfortable and happy…but please don’t tear yourselves up over this. Professional advocacy, or adversarial relations probably won’t change much for your mom in the long run, but will significantly increase your own stress and discomfort. Continue reading

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