LIFE’S TWISTS & TURNS

This picture was taken after a month of lessons with Peaches.

Last night I enjoyed writing about the mazes I used to draw when I was in my early teens. This title I chose was reminiscent of my mazes.

I often feel like a metaphor for my life is one of being a roller coaster. There are wild ups and downs, and plenty of twists and turns. With those peaks and valleys, I just continue to have faith that at some point the ride will end, and I can catch my breath for a little while before it begins again.

“This morning”

I spoke with my mother this morning. She sounded much better than she did from the night before. I was relieved.

She said, “Honey, I’m sorry so I cried like I did yesterday. It wasn’t right!”

That became an opportunity for me to share what I have only recently learned. I replied, “Mom, crying isn’t right or wrong. It’s how you were feeling and it was important to let it out. Maybe that’s why you are actually feeling better.”

After I was off the phone with my mom, it rang. It was a phone call from the director at my mom’s nursing facility.

He said, “Mrs. Unger, I received your letter. I am going to immediately look into finding a way to reunite your parents. I certainly understand how you feel. Later on today I have a meeting. I will definitely call you back and let you know something.”

“This afternoon”

I saw my vocal coach, Peaches, when I went for my weekly lesson. She is just one of those special people in my rediscovered life.

When I went home after our first lesson, I checked out her website and listened to her music; on her site she shares some of her own original songs. I’m flabbergasted that a teacher of her caliber is available through a city park program. The fact that she was so affordable made lessons possible for me.

Here is a link to her website: PEACHES WEBSITE

I found out her other name is Sienna Ray Starr. What a beautiful name! Sienna is a lovely color, as well.

Our lesson began. I think we could have blabbed the whole lesson without ever doing any singing. It was just so much fun to blab.

I sang for Peaches one of my songs. It was a very meaningful song for me. The song was named “Through My Music.” We had just done some exercises where she was encouraged that I have incorporated her technique of opening up my voice.

I loved her explanation about how our voice was truly a complicated instrument. Because we use our voice and throat muscles to speak, eat, cry, and breathe, our voice is affected so much by how we feel.

Peaches was certain that I could overcome the tightness in my throat while singing. That was something that had plagued me for a very long time.

I told her, “You can’t imagine how difficult it was for me to actually share my singing voice on the blog this morning. I can hear people saying – that lady can write, but she sure can’t sing! I know I’m not the singer I want to be, but I really wanted to share my song.”

I told her, “It will be an exciting day when I can actually sing something and share it from the year 2010, and not from a cassette tape that is 30 years old!”

She said, “Please bring your digital recorder next week!”

Before I left, Peaches told me something funny. She wanted to put a link to my site on a part of her site that was called “Single Mother Nation.” She felt my writing would resonate with single mothers! At first I thought it was funny, but changed my mind as I thought about the fact that I was married.

I was aware that I’d been the primary advocate for our children. My husband had left it all up to me. That was because he knew it was something I did well. He didn’t have much energy for anything besides going to work.

I could never have done all that I have for our family without my husband. His conscientiousness in bringing home a regular paycheck with benefits made it possible. Therefore, I have tremendous admiration for single mothers. I would have folded long ago without my husband’s support.

However, I certainly do have self-esteem issues – I have watched my successful illustration career of over twenty-eight years disintegrate. When my income dwindled to zero, my self-esteem followed.

However, those issues are gone. My art career was a challenging pursuit for me, but now I am traveling on a new adventure. I’m excited to share about my former career as an illustrator. While living through that experience, I felt like I was walking a tightrope. Considering the turmoil I was simultaneously experiencing with my children, my achievements amaze even me!

At this moment, my income may be zero, but I feel like a million dollars. It’s a wonderful feeling, wherever it may lead.

Peaches is very inspiring for me as a songwriter.

“Evening”

It was nice and quiet at my house. The phone rang, and it was the director of the nursing facility again.

“Mrs. Unger, we had our meeting. We’re going to work this weekend on quizzing residents that might be willing to do a swap of rooms. I will let you know what happens with this on Monday. It’s great that you are advocating for you parents. Please don’t tell them anything about this, until I have more information. I don’t want them to be disappointed.”

I didn’t tell my mother, but I did tell my dad. He was over when I wrote the letter; he proofread it and offered suggestions. Giving him hope was very important.

My husband went out with my older son to see a play this weekend. My husband loves plays and I do not.

My older son invited his new girlfriend. My husband was able to get her an extra ticket. How interesting to see the three of them go out!

My husband told my son’s girlfriend, “The last time I went with Judy to a play, she was snoring in the front row! I can’t take her to these things.” He’s right about that. Unless it’s a familiar musical I love, I cannot concentrate at all. I do enjoy movies. Recently, I haven’t found any that have interested me in a long time.

When they left, I was able to paint one of my illustrations for a paid assignment. I am illustrating three flavors to be used on Whey packaging. The flavors are: chocolate, vanilla, and natural (plain). For the plain illustration, a vignette of a landscape was assigned.

My recent style of illustrating is much less photo-realistic. I’ve worked hard to loosen up and create a painting that does not look photographic or computer generated. I enjoyed working quickly on this and finished it within two hours. That left me more time to write about mazes last night!

My “comp layout” showing three choices for the landscape.

For the “Plain” Flavor. I say, “WHEY to go!” (This was the finished illustration)

“Medication advice”

Today a close friend from my support group called. She sounded so beaten down and defeated. Normally she was upbeat, chipper, and funny. This morning she was simply sad and tortured.

My friend told me that she desperately needed my advice. She needed to make a decision regarding whether or not to give her recently diagnosed seven-year-old daughter narcoleptic medication to deal with her bipolar disorder.

This friend had never given medication to her high functioning autistic, older son. She did not believe medication was beneficial, and was wary of any resulting side effects. However, she now she was desperate. She told me she had a huge fight over this with her husband.

I gave her whatever words of wisdom I could. She really needed a big hug.

After that phone call, I was already feeling her pain. It was a reminder for me about how quickly we can go from innocence to being assaulted by life’s disappointments.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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MY AMAZING JOURNEY

An example of one of my mazes, in progress.

Currently, I love what I am doing by writing my blog. I am going to pursue publishing my book when I am ready. I am very motivated. I won’t stop until it happens. The reason I am certain my book will be published is because I have so much passion!

It upsets my daughter when I share with her that I am certain I will be successful in publishing my book. I have also told her that I have a good feeling it will bring about a huge change in our lives. She tells me my chances are miniscule, and it is ridiculous for me to assume anything.

Because I am human, I do have occasional, doubtful moments. But I have pursued a few things in my life with success.

I’m excited for my daughter to observe how wonderful it is to follow a dream.

When I was younger, I did not have enough life experience to really connect with other people through writing. When I was younger, I did not have the confidence to pursue any dreams with music.

However, I did pursue my dreams through my art. It started when I was very young. Most everything I have learned, from art, to music, to computers, has been self-taught.

The most difficult thing for me at this juncture in my life was having no creative passion for over twenty years. Initially, I used to contemplate beautiful artwork that I could create for my commercial portfolio. That all stopped when I had my children. I believe my music stopped when I got married.

With my career on autopilot, I was grateful for an income that allowed for flexible hours. That flexibility saved me when I faced immense challenges with my children.

“Drawing from my strength”

My mother told me that when I was in preschool, the teacher came to her and said I had an artistic gift. From that time forward, my parents nurtured it. I didn’t have any expensive lessons or art school. My parents simply provided me with materials and art projects that I enjoyed. I was a consummate paint-by-numbers artist! I remember making the most elaborate “doodle art” poster of fish, which is still on the wall in my old room.

When I was perhaps ten years old, I became such a perfectionist that it became painful for me. I remember I would draw only one line, decide it wasn’t quite right, and then crumple up the piece of paper. I went through many, many reams of paper. At that time, I decided that being an artist was frustrating and wasn’t much fun at all.

Here is an interesting fact about me to share: I’ve always hated drawing. I’m not into freehand sketching at all!

I do love rendering, however. I love color, contrast, and texture.

There was an exception to what I wrote about drawing. The exception came about when I was in Junior High School (That’s what it was called back then). I discovered mazes. I would draw the mazes while I was in class, and whenever I was bored. My mazes were used in the yearbooks at my school. I discovered random patterns to fill up the space. I began by filling up abstract designs with elaborate mazes. Observers said my mazes looked like brains or intestines!

One day, my math teacher was upset about the fact that I was not paying much attention to him. He saw the maze I was drawing. He said to me, “You should have those published!” When I eventually published my maze book, I dedicated the book to him.

I published my maze book, two years after graduating elementary school. I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to find my sixth grade teacher to share the book with her. She was certain that I would publish something related to creative writing. Even though my book was more “artistic,” I really wanted to share it with her. However, the school told me she had moved and they had no idea where she went. I do hope to find her someday when this current venture is published.

Description of the Maze Book in a catalog

My mazes began as an exercise to create a “most challenging puzzle.” The puzzle would be for someone else to solve; it required extensive thought as I drew it. I always created the most challenging mazes I could think of. There was a boy at school that I enjoyed frustrating with my mazes. He always worked so hard to solve them. Lest anyone think they could start from the “end” of the maze where it might be simpler, I made sure to make my mazes difficult from either side. I drew my maze from both the beginning and from the end. Then I would connect them.

The reason it is easy for me to explain how I created my mazes, is because my maze book was an educational book. When I was given the opportunity to publish a book of mazes, it was a requirement by the publisher that it be educational. Therefore, at that time I had to analyze and “teach” how to draw a maze!

I gave names to the components of my mazes. It was fun to name those elements. I named them: pinwheels, double pinwheels, tracks, and ladders. I described each component in my book.

COMPONENTS OF A MAZE

DESCRIPTION OF MAZE COMPONENTS

Here is how I draw a maze:

“I start with a single path. That path is one line that follows another. It twists and turns as I fill in the area with a pattern. I will divide the path and create a “fork in the road.” Sometimes, I divided it several times into these forks. There is always one pathway that forges on and does not end. It is almost always the one that looks like it will not go through. It is the pathway that goes the opposite way from reaching the exit! I thought I was very clever in that regard. I would make the forking pathways look certain as one path went in the direction toward solving the puzzle. I would have it go for a while until it would dead-end. Other times, I would have two pathways doing that, and then they would simply meet and eliminate each other – you’d be back where you started!”

As I improved using my self-taught technique, my designs became more elaborate. I learned that using tighter maze tunnels or wider maze tunnels could create tone or shading. Tone and shading is another way of describing the lightness and the darkness within an image. In some cases, it was easily achieved through an image such as a candy cane. It lent itself perfectly, with alternating stripes and a simple shape.

CREATING MAZE TONALITY

In my book, I describe the maze components. I also show the varied pathways to create tone and shading. Here is something that was very interesting to me – I enjoyed puns back then, too! I provided two empty shapes for my “maze students” to fill in by themselves.

The first shape was an empty heart. I wrote, “Have a heart; fill this in!

The second shape was a ghost. I wrote, “Can you give this ghost guts?”

It was such a great experience. One thing I generally don’t enjoy illustrating is people. However, I did my most complicated maze when I illustrated Richard Nixon.

After my book was published, I didn’t create mazes much anymore. I did some pen and ink drawings, but found it too precise. I stopped doing most artwork except for the enjoyable biological renderings that wowed my teachers in high school. I turned all of my attention to music instead of art.

It wasn’t until I discovered watercolors in college, that art became a part of my life again. I decided to become an illustrator when I took two illustration classes while I was an “undecided major” in college. My first, paid illustration assignment was in 1980. It was a class assignment for a medical magazine cover. My illustration was chosen for Cardiovascular/Pulmonary Magazine and I received $400.

My letter to a publisher, returned with their comments.

While I was looking for some of my original mazes to scan, I came across an envelope filled with letters that I received from publishers all across the country. There were at least fifteen letters saved. I am certain that I sent out more. I typed up all those letters myself. I’m certain my dad helped to proofread everything!

I remember that one publisher was very much interested in publishing my mazes. However, when the publisher learned that I was only fourteen years old, the offer was withdrawn.

I didn’t make any significant amount of money from my Maze Book. But it was a great achievement in my life, and I learned a lot of lessons from it. All of those lessons assisted me when I graduated from college and began my illustration career.

The lesson I still have is that with dedication, commitment, and passion, comes success.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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MY MID-LIFE TURNING POINT

This picture was taken only three years ago. My parents’ health changed very quickly in a short time. My mother’s illness has affected my father greatly.

Since my fiftieth birthday last October, I have experienced many changes in my life. I have wondered if I should consider what I’m going through a “midlife crisis.” Well, the word crisis conjured up a lot of negative images for me.

I looked up the definition of “crisis.” One definition of crisis, which sounded a whole lot better was “turning point.” Therefore, I have decided that what I am experiencing is a “Midlife Turning Point!”

This picture was taken only three years ago. My parents’ health changed very quickly in a short time. My mother’s illness has affected my father greatly.

 Opening Up

Today was not an easy day. Today was very stressful for me. This afternoon, I decided I must go swim some laps. The weather has warmed up, and swimming has been very helpful for me. I may have a sandwich list, but I have learned that I must put myself on the list.

After swimming, I attended my first voice lesson in thirty years!

The lovely instructor’s name is Peaches! Peaches taught voice lessons to my youngest son about a year ago. I told her that I was taking lessons because my son insisted I contact her.

I played one of my original songs for Peaches. Peaches told me that she has coached many well-known professional singers. She has a website and she has written her own original songs. When I have time, I will listen to her music. Perhaps I will share that on my blog later on.

The half-hour lesson flew by. Here were some of the many, interesting things she told me today:

When you are older, your voice has not deteriorated. It’s just that you can no longer get away with bad habits.

It is very common to dislike your voice when it is recorded.

Your vocal problems related to your throat being tight are from “stress” while singing. Singing should be totally relaxed and open. It should be even, without unintentional changes in volume.

Achieving openness can easily be learned, no matter how old you are. You must be relaxed. When you do it correctly, you will feel the difference. Looking in the mirror and feeling your throat while you are singing can be helpful.

Your range is great, and you can learn quickly if you are motivated. You can sing and record your own songs and share them! Other people may sing your songs, but both are exciting ventures. I have had this same experience.

Stress affects everything. When we yell, we ruin our voice. When we hold in our feelings and tears, it affects our voice. “Holding tears in” is detrimental, while crying is actually better for our voice!

You can unlearn any old habits you may have. I have helped a lot of people and I can help you.

My voice lesson was inspiring. It was not about singing at all. It was about having hopefulness I could be improve my singing with effort and motivation. Finding the time and energy won’t be easy for me. But I am certainly filled with motivation.

Recently, I have also taken some tennis lessons. There is a lot of similarity there to what I’ve written about voice lessons. I am re-learning and releasing many old habits.

The revelation is that recently I have been doing that in all areas of my life, as well. I wonder why I waited until I was fifty years old for this “turning point” of discovering I could improve myself?

 “Another Turning Point”

In the evening, I called my mother and finally reached her. She was very quiet on the phone. I figured it was because she was concerned about me. I regretted I had shared with her how stressed out I was this morning.

She said, “Today was very difficult for me. Things have been very hard. My back has been hurting. I have been forced to sit in my wheelchair waiting and waiting. The nurses have told me that I’m not allowed to be alone in my room. I might fall if I’m alone. Therefore, I have been left waiting in the lobby for two hours at a stretch.”

My mother insisted she didn’t want me to remedy her current situation. She has become a worrier. She hates to bother anyone. She also hates being dependent on other people.

I tried not to get angry. I could feel my throat tightening up. I thought of what the Peaches had told me.

“Mom, I promise you – I’ll call someone and take care of this.”

She said, “Please, don’t! I know they’re just worried I might fall again!”

I decided to change the subject. I told her I had gotten some new bras for her. I told her I also had a new purse for her and a lot of new things to read. I told her I would take her out to dinner again this Sunday.

She began to cry.

I began to feel more desperate. Now what could I tell her?

I told her, “Mom, I sent out a heartfelt letter today. In it, I share how upsetting this situation has been with you and dad separated! I am hoping this letter is going to help your situation! I am even going to talk to the director in person!”

She was still crying. She could not stop.

I continued, “Oh, and by the way, Dad is going to visit you tomorrow! I arranged for him to be driven by your granddaughter! He will stay for dinner and she’ll take him back later in the evening!”

When I got off the phone, I did not feel like Super Daughter.

That was because I was crying, too. 

My mom helping me sell my maze book (behind us). We were always close.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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LISTS, LISTING, AND LISTLESS

I love butterflies! This is my new gravatar image; I had no idea what a gravatar was until recently. I used to hate computers.

Finding humor once again”

Currently, it has been a great effort for me to find any humor in my circumstances. I have so much to do, but here I am writing again. Perhaps if I release some of my worries by writing lists, it will be easier for me to be funny.

I wrote this title based on Lists – which allow me to organize my caregiving life, Listing – meaning I’m off balance, and Listless – the way I feel today after hearing so many complaints that I’m not fixing food for my family.

Bad List:

I need to find the filter again to stop saying those bad words. I said the “F” word last night when my husband and older teenagers were picking on me!

Medication List for our family:

Too numerous to mention.

Vitamin list for this mom:

At least ten supplements. Thank goodness for Costco. Plus, I illustrated all their vitamins, so it’s a tax deduction! I swallow them all at once; it’s quite a mouthful! I’m proud of that talent I have.

Is anyone feeling sorry for our cat? She was named Angel for a reason!

Mom’s reminder list of what not to do with our puppy named Killer:

1. Do not take him out in the front yard without a leash.

2. If you forget #1, be sure you are wearing a bra. When chasing a dog, there is a lot of bouncing going on.

3. Do not give Killer turkey. If you forget #3, you will have a lot of cleaning to do. Also, if you forget #3, be prepared to have “begging claws” inserted into your thighs and crotch!

4. Do not pick up his poop with your bare hand thinking it’s a chew toy.

5. Do not throw Killer off with the bedspread upon waking up.

6. Be prepared for a wet bedspread.

7. When closing doors, make sure not to sideways “guillotine” Killer.

8. Expect to need hearing aids in a few years if you have the parrot near this dog.

9. Do not allow Killer to lick my youngest son’s nostrils.

List of written accomplishments today:

1. Three commendation letters regarding excellent care and attention given to my mother at her nursing facility

2. I wrote another pleading and begging letter to the same facility – PLEASE, REUNITE MY PARENTS!

3. I posted forty pages of writing in only two days.

Anticipated Stress List:

1. Three illustrations to complete, which I’ve procrastinated on

2. Upcoming orthodontia and glasses for one of my children. Oh my god, I have oodles of appointments ahead of me!

Good List:

1. My wonderful oldest son took his grandfather and his car to pass a smog test. It passed!

2. I’m not as fat as I used to be.

3. I’m starting voice lessons this week, either tomorrow or Friday.

4. My daughter helped our housekeeper, Rosa, by vacuuming a small area of carpet. In return, Rosa helped put black hair dye on for her.

5. I can laugh at most everything once again.

6. Compared to how I felt last night, I am amazed that I could even write a good list! 

I never dreamed I’d be writing the way I am now. I have to pinch myself!

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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