myjourneysinsight

THE DOOR – PART 2

Posted on January 10, 2014 by Judy

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THE DOOR

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When I close the door and it’s no secret anymore

Then you’ll know; how sad we were together

I left you long ago

When the closet is bare, empty spaces everywhere

But you knew, the truth I was absent

My distance only grew

When love went away, I just couldn’t stay

It was time; I knew it then

To begin my life again

I would be okay, even though love went away

My soul I could restore, if I went through that door

When the sheets are still; silence a TV cannot fill

all those years pretending I was happy

I cried so many tears

As you look upon the empty spaces when I’m gone

You must face the love you took for granted

with every single empty space

When love went away, I just couldn’t stay

It was time; I knew it then

To begin my life again

Somehow I’d be ok, even though love went away

I knew I was worth more, so I went through the door

When I close the door and it’s no secret anymore

Then you’ll know; how sad we were together

I left you long ago

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Clicking the blue link plays audio:

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The Door Acoustic 5-16-18

The Door Acoustic Home Recording – 5/10/16

Link to song page with performance and more links: THE DOOR

This blog and my resulting transformation began almost four years ago. It truly has been a journey.

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I treasured every moment and thanked God for all of my gifts. I rediscovered my love for music and songwriting. I was bursting with tremendous creativity and had boundless energy.

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Although my life felt meaningful, I carried emptiness inside that became more and more difficult to dismiss. For so long, I did not want to face the fact that I disliked my husband. Affection had vanished for decades before that. Although I accepted it for years and years, tension with his presence made my life unpleasant.

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Since I was unable to express my true feelings, I often found myself cursing under my breath. Every night, I hated to enter my bedroom where he was. The T.V. was constantly blaring and I wore headphones to escape. I would close my eyes and dream of peacefulness someday.

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My music lifted me out of the insanity and pain. It was more than going to magical places; it was my escape.

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I lived two separate lives. One was within my own beautiful and musical world, and the other was in a practical, physical world. In the physical world, I was lonely. With my music, I was complete. I danced between the two, and could not share those feelings with anyone.

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When I looked ahead, I clearly saw my beautiful journey within view. There was a time, when I had no excitement about the future. Now I felt certain that I could continue my creative expression if I was willing to make changes to my life.

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The greatest meaning for my song “The Door” is that I began to view my future as an exciting new reality for me, rather than unknown and scary. Prior to that, my future felt bleak and empty.

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Going through the door was not about leaving; it was about entering a new life.

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I was also excited about opening the door to my heart. For a long time, I kept my unhappy marriage a secret.

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Once I left, I could openly share my writing, music and feelings again. I embarked upon a wonderful new phase in my life.

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This picture is taken during one of my first lessons with Peaches.

This picture was taken during one of my first voice lessons with Peaches.

I share a transcription of a recording from my voice lessons with Peaches Chrenko during the time I was composing “The Door.” For Part 2, I discuss my discovery of an elusive chorus for this song.

Clicking the blue link below plays audio:

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July, 2012 Lesson #2 about The Door with Peaches Chrenko

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Judy: As far as the new song, the new song – I have to tell you! You know how we talk about my songs as being channeled?

Peaches: Yes.

Judy: I’m not willing to feel the pain right now. It’s too hard to write it. The melody for the verses is so painful that when I hear it I cry. And I want a knockdown, drag-out great chorus but it’s not coming to me. When it comes I’ll know it, but I have to find it. Every so often I sit down and really try hard to find it, but it’s not coming. I must find that melody that’s going to make those verses really exciting – because they’re so great!

But where are they going? They drop off to nothing! (Peaches laughs as Judy mouths and demonstrates)

ONE WEEK LATER:

Judy: I did not consciously figure out what I was going to do with this song. All I knew was that it was really sad. And I think it was about guilt. Because it was like the empty spaces meant, “I’m leaving you, poor thing.”

Peaches: Yeah.

Judy: And what was it going to take for me to write a chorus? I wanted a chorus that was going to grab me and that I could really sing out. Finally, it was on Saturday morning that I just said to myself – if the music isn’t coming, maybe I’ll just write the words. I always do music first. I thought I’d try something different, so I wrote out my feelings.

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This is the actual page I wrote in order to discover lyrics for the chorus of this song.

And you know the feelings were a result of anger. That clarified things because the anger was not about feeling guilty!

It was about feeling like I was worth something and that’s why I was leaving.

It crystalized everything in a few sentences. And the thing that’s funny is I don’t know what to name it, but I think I’ve got a good title. I called it “The Door.” Because the last line of my chorus was to go through “the door.”

At first it was “walk out the door.” And I’ve heard that a door is a metaphor – you’re leaving. But a good friend of mine, bless her heart, I love her. She said, “You know a door is also going in.” So instead of saying “walk out the door” I decided my last line is “I went through the door.”

Because you don’t know what’s on the other side!

Peaches: Right!

Judy: Right!

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Peaches: Gee, Judy. That is so beautiful – I love the title – I love the concept. I absolutely love it. I love the simplicity of things, especially when the message is profound and very powerful. I love simplistic titles, almost understated titles.

Judy: It’s mysterious! It’s not giving it away. I was thinking if I said, “When love went away” – then right away you know it’s a song where love went away.

Peaches: “The Door” is by far more intriguing – far more interesting.

Judy: You’re not just leaving! You’re going somewhere.

Peaches: That’s right. Everybody can relate to that. Stepping into another part of their life or making a decision. Going through a door is powerful!

Judy: And it tied together with the idea of restoring my soul. Because it’s sort of like, the empty spaces – all of this is because the love is not there.

Peaches: Yeah.

Judy: And that was just the perfect chorus.

Peaches: So many words I like about that. So many phrases – empty spaces – love that!

Judy: I thought that was going to be my title!

Peaches: But it’s great how empty spaces fits within the context of the door. Just really good songwriting – Boy your songwriting you just keep kicking it up, kicking it up, kicking it up!

Judy: Thank you. How do I do it? Because I really don’t sit there to craft it – It just falls out, and when it falls out, it’s like a revelation. Oh, my God, it does this, it does that! I didn’t think of it – it just happened!

Peaches: The beautiful chords, oh my, God – so many chords in the chorus.

Judy: A lot of changes.

Peaches: They’re really moving and the melody moves beautifully over them.

(Judy demonstrates a section with her guitar)

Judy: And then on the second time of “When love when away” could have been the same but instead I decided to go down with a walk-down. “I knew I’d be okay” is the same melody – I was trying to decide which chords to do first.

Peaches: What decisions, Judy!

Judy: And then originally, the second part of the chorus I was going to repeat. “When love went away, I knew I’d be okay.” But I decided to switch it. I did, “I knew I’d be okay, even though love went away.”

Peaches: Ooh, I like that! I like when that happens.

Judy: I’m reinforcing it, but it’s also comforting to know that I’d be okay.

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THE FOLLOWING WEEK:

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I’m doing so much music that I think I’m going to explode. It’s the best time in my life – I’m telling you. If I didn’t have this I’d probably wither inside. Instead, I feel like this garden is just blooming around me.

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Peaches: Isn’t that something?

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Judy: I walk around, and flowers bloom. I swear the sun is shining through the clouds right on me! It’s incredible.

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Peaches: It’s amazing.

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Judy: It is amazing. Thank you, God.

(Judy plays the song on her guitar and starts crying)

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This image is the front door of my former house. The lighting on this photo amazed me.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tagged acoustic guitar, adjusting to divorce, begin my life again, breakup song, closets are bare, composing, coping with divorce, creativity, divorce after a long marriage, empty spaces, ending a marriage, facing divorce, Friendship, gray divorce, GRIEF RELATED, guitar, heart break, How sad we were together, I was worth more, I went through the door, inspiration, It's no secret anymore, Judy Unger, leaving a marriage, loss, lyric development, lyric writing, lyrics, marriage breakup, marriage ending, Music, original songs, Peaches Chrenko, prophetic song, Reasons for divorce, sad song, separation, separation and divorce, singing, songwriting, the door, the unknown, unhappy marriage, voice lessons, When I close the door, when love went away, writing | 1 Comment

THE DOOR – PART 1

Posted on January 9, 2014 by Judy

My inspiration for my song “The Door” was the empty closet I would be leaving behind.

On this first part about my song “The Door, “ I share my first arrangement of “The Door” as an instrumental.

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The arrangement is very lush and orchestral, which made it hard to sing along with. I was never satisfied with my vocal for it and plan to revise the song someday by changing the key and tempo. There is actually a part in the chorus that reminds me of a wedding march. But this song is definitely more of a “divorce march!”

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Links to recordings:

The Door Acoustic 5-16-18

The Door Acoustic Home Recording – 5/10/16

THE DOOR INSTRUMENTAL – Copyright by Judy Unger 2012

Link to song story with more links: THE DOOR––

My song named “The Door” was written in July of 2012. It was one of three songs that prodded me to end my marriage of 31 years.

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It all began with my first song “The Unknown.” Suddenly, my subconscious began to guide my life as words erupted from me that I didn’t plan on writing.

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The second pivotal song I composed was named “Clear.” That song ended with the line of “It’s never too late to turn your life around, no reason to wait.”

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I cried singing that last line because I was waiting.

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Finally, I wrote clear and obvious lyrics about where I was going with “The Door.”

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But because I did not have the courage to tell my husband, I kept my songs “The Unknown” and “The Door” a secret for over a year. It was when my father died that I finally became ready to go through the front door into a new life.

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I loved sharing the songwriting process with Peaches Chrenko, who was my vocal coach at that time. It was a blessing for me during a very challenging part of my life.

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Although I have not yet shared my song on this blog, after my separation I did have several stories with themes related to it. In fact, the very first story I shared on my blog where I announced my separation was aptly named “Empty Spaces.”

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Below are links to them:

#286 EMPTY SPACES

#300 WHEN THE CLOSET IS BARE

#340 IT’S NO SECRET ANYMORE

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This picture was taken a month ago when I visited Peaches in Tucson, where she now lives.

The audio recordings from my lessons with Peaches are very precious to me. For Part 1 of my story, I share recordings about my creation of the verses and melody of this song.

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Clicking the blue link plays audio:

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July, 2012 Lesson #1 about The Door with Peaches Chrenko

Judy: You know how I always say John Denver was a great influence on me? Well, Don Maclean was also.

Peaches: Oh, wow.

Judy: Did you ever like his stuff?

Peaches: I’m not familiar with him.

Judy: Well “Vincent” was one of the most beautiful songs; I loved learning the guitar to it.

(Judy demonstrates by singing, “Starry, starry night . . .)

Judy: I got the idea for the theme of my song and it reminded me of another song Don Maclean did that I used to like. It was called “Empty Chairs” and is amazing. I’ll do the first verse . . .

(Judy demonstrates by singing)

Judy: These lyrics – when you listen to this guy’s descriptions – that’s what gets me!

Peaches: Yes.

Judy: That’s what I want to write – songs that bring a picture. The reason I mentioned him is because I wrote some lyrics to go with my melody. And I didn’t want it to be like his song, but I think my song is different. In this key, it does sound like “Beside Me Always.” I’ve got two verses, but no chorus. I don’t know where I’m going. But I like the way the words sound. I had no idea what I was going to write! It’s so exciting!

(Judy plays the guitar and sings her new song)

Peaches: Wow!

Judy: That’s it, that’s all I have. And that’s why I thought of that song “Empty Chairs.” I have the line “the closets are bare.” It’s not the same rhyme, but it’s that feeling of the house being empty and I’m thinking of how it will be when I’m gone.

Peaches: When. That’s interesting – listen to you!

Judy: I’m projecting – I see it. When the closet is bare empty drawers are everywhere. That’s what I was thinking of – a visual of empty drawers that he’d open. But then I made it empty spaces because it implies it’s empty all around.

Peaches: The drawers – the kitchen . . . That’s true.

Judy: Yeah, exactly. And then the other thing that I thought was interesting was I put the words, “How sad we were together.” My love song when we got married I renamed “Together.” I couldn’t wait to share this with you.

Peaches: It’s all so beautiful!

Judy: It’s so painful to write it, though. I don’t know why when I’m writing a song I go to the painful place. I don’t want to be sad, but that’s my way of writing a song.

Peaches: You’re just honest.

Judy: I live in what is hurting me. To find a way to find the words, I have to find the pain . . .

Peaches: To feel it.

Judy: I do a lot of self-talk.

Peaches: But it is so beautiful, Judy. Wow!

Judy: I feel like this kind of song has already been written. You know what I mean? There are so many songs like this and I want to be unique. How can I be unique? Though it is such a universal thing.

Peaches: So were you leaning towards a name yet? Or, you haven’t gotten that far.

Judy: Oh, I haven’t gotten that far.

Peaches: Of course.

Judy: I just don’t know what the story is – where it’s leading. But I do think of that Don Maclean song, that feeling of the empty house. Not like I’m trying to be mean; I’m trying to be gentle. At the same time it’s inevitable with the words “when I’m gone . . .” the secret. That’s the part that’s so painful!

Peaches: Wow, Judy, that’s heavy.

These are pages were written before I finalized my lyrics.

I’M GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFT I WAS GIVEN

Posted on January 1, 2014 by Judy

My four-day jaunt to Yosemite National Park went by quickly.

I’ve already written about the experience of meeting fellow blogger Sandra Callahan, her husband, Chris, and sister, Angie.

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This story is about my beautiful friendship with Joni whom I’ve known almost my entire life.

A few months ago, Joni visited my mother the day before she died; Joni loved her very much. Growing up, Joni had an abusive childhood. My mother often comforted her and influenced her deeply.

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Joni and I had never taken a trip together as adults. As children, I dreamed of playing with her but we seldom were able to. It was because she was forced to work at her parents’ dry cleaning store every day after school and on weekends.

On a few occasions, her parents allowed her to join my family on a vacation.

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I wrote about us with this story: #244 WE GREW UP SO FAST

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During our time in Yosemite, Joni and I explored and rested. We had a picnic after hiking to see waterfalls. On another day we marveled at giant sequoia trees. I definitely will carry wonderful memories from our time together.

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I love how pictures can convey so much. There aren’t any pictures of me playing my guitar, but that was something I enjoyed greatly in our cozy room. I even composed a beautiful guitar piece that I’m certain will eventually become a new song once the lyrics are revealed to me.

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In the early morning on the last day of our trip, I sat in the lobby of the main lodge. I wanted to let Joni sleep-in undisturbed for a little while longer before we checked out.

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I was typing on my laptop in front of a crackling fireplace when I heard Chris Callahan’s voice. We moved to a table and over coffee, both of us chatted.

I had to ask him, “What would you say was the best part of your trip this year?”

His answer surprised me. He said, “This trip was terrific. But meeting Joni was definitely special.”

For the next few minutes he elaborated how Joni reminded him of a rosebud that was starting to blossom. He explained how when he met Sandra, she was quite different from the woman she grew into. The process of watching his wife bloom filled him with pride.

I catalogued his words in my mind to share with Joni later on.

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Our trip was truly an opportunity to relax and for Joni a spa was the best way to do that. Six miles from our lodge there was another lodge that had spa facilities and we both booked massages for our second night.

For her, the experience of receiving a massage was ultra appreciated because she knew so much about it. Joni was a licensed massage therapist. It was not her main business, though. Her primary business was called J.L. Window Interiors.

I’d never asked Joni to give me a massage – I was a little shy about it. For me, anything relaxing sounded great. So my massage was scheduled first and the experience was lovely. The therapist and I chatted about many inspirational things.

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I hadn’t thought to even bring a bathing suit to Yosemite. I went into the sauna and steam room wrapped in a skimpy towel. The facility provided a cushy robe that I wished I could take home.

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I had even forgotten a hairbrush and everybody said my new curly hairstyle was terrific.

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Joni loved the water with cucumber slices in it. After being steamed and massaged – I felt like jello. But now I was starving and ready for dinner.

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Joni said sweetly, “Jude, would you mind if I did a little bit of writing for an hour?”

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She said she was in an inspired mood and had brought with her a small notepad that she found in my car. Of course, I told her it was fine.

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Earlier, I had asked her if she would like to write something about our trip to add to my blog. I was certain her perspective would be nice to share. She was quite touched that I had asked her; she told me she was honored and excited about writing something.

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After an hour, I was famished and went to find her in the spa waiting room. She handed me twelve hand-written pages from that notepad.

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It was one of the greatest gifts I have even been given.

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Below is a transcription of some of what Joni wrote:

Dear Judy,

You make me, or you enable me to feel wanted. It’s a big emotion, feeling wanted. Everything about your being emanates caring for or nurturing others.

Jude, you went through a lot at 18 with your journey through life.

For 30 years you were silent and all was dark. But unlike you, my dark night started early in my formative years. Trauma, the lack of self-confidence, the loneliness and burns from the dragon of darkness shackled me. My scars are deep inside. Doubts spring up and there is no light or emotion – only ice. It’s hard for me to make lasting interactions with others.

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I hear your songs and melodies in my head, which brings down the walls of discouragement; I know I am loved. Sharing your journey heals me. You’ve allowed me to see into your world of grief and healing and I treasure every moment with you. You give me hope because you care.

I treasure your goodness, depth and ability to bring people together. Your connection to Susan, Angie and Chris brightens my life. I look deep into Susan’s eyes and I connect to her goodness. Her look and her “touch” is healing. I’m moved that you care so much about someone you have never met.

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You sang to her last night with a quality that has been unrivaled. This connection with Susan should heal you and bring you some of the love you need to heal your own princess.

I love you, Jude. It’s fantastic to love someone and to be able to say that and to mean it with every fiber of your being.

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Clicking on this makes it larger. There were 12 pages.

Tagged best friend, childhood friend, close friendship, close sisters, creativity, escape through music, friends forever, Friendship, friendship and loss, friendship through grief, guitar, healing music, inspiration, Joni, Judy and Joni, Judy Unger, loss, memories of friendship, Music, music and healing, music as therapy, musical comfort, optimism, original songs, overcoming an abusive childhood, performing, Princess and the Dragon, princess metaphors, Sandra Callahan, singing, songwriting, staying positive, the princess and the dragon, Wawona Lodge, writing, Yosemite | 3 Comments

MY SOUL I WOULD RESTORE – PART 2

Posted on December 30, 2013 by Judy

Writing with a laptop in front of a fireplace, almost rivals playing my guitar. Both are excellent ways for me to rejuvenate my soul!

The lobby was noisy and crowded. But I recognized her instantly.

There she was with her husband, Chris, seated on a sofa near the fireplace. All of us hugged each other and I was smiling broadly with enthusiasm. Sandra had deep, wise eyes and every sentence she spoke went right to the heart of the matter. We had an instant rapport.

It was easy to feel comfortable with Sandra. I was very touched by the experience.

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The five-hour plane ride to Yosemite had tested Sandra’s limits. Both of them were elated that she had made it. Every moment of strength was something to celebrate. I was introduced to Sandra’s sister, Angie. She reminded me of a movie star with her striking beauty. Sandra and Angie were very close.–

It became difficult to converse because the Christmas piano music had begun. In between bursts of sentences, we all paused to listen.

Chris surreptitiously stood up and walked over to the piano. He sat back down with a sly smile and quietly confessed that he had requested two special songs.

I instantly noticed how tenderly Chris held Sandra’s hand. As those songs began to play, he stroked her hand and laid his head upon her shoulder. His eyes were large and his body lightly twitched as he began to silently cry.

I could not watch. My heart ached for this man who loved his wife so much and knew he might lose her at any time. It was now 8 p.m. and Joni and I were hungry. The Callahans didn’t plan on dinner and preferred to stay in the lounge instead.

We hugged them goodbye. After dinner they planned to come to our room so I could play a few songs for them.

Joni and I ate our dinner in the Lodge’s restaurant. We both marveled at the experience of meeting three wonderful new people.

Later on that first night, Angie knocked on our door. She let us know that Sandra was too tired for the guitar serenade I had planned.

I remembered how my deceased son, Jason, was affected by altitude during a vacation in the mountains when he was 3 years old. Jason had a severe heart defect and we had to cut short our trip because he had difficulty getting enough oxygen.

I understood. We planned again for the afternoon of the next day.

Joni and I went exploring and returned for our 4 p.m. rendezvous. But this time, Chris knocked on our cabin door. He said that Sandra was unable to move and needed to rest.

Over the three days we stayed at the Wawona Lodge, every plan to meet again with Sandra did not work out.

Like most moments in life, it was the unexpected that turned out to be the most meaningful.

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It was a little chilly at night.

On our second night, Joni and I decided to check our cell phones to see if we had any messages before going to bed. It was cold and dark as I made my way down the wooden walkway to the one place where there was reception. It was a large and comfortable room that had a fireplace.

I was so happy when I saw Sandra and Chris going toward the same room.

We chatted for awhile in that warm and wonderful place. It was only the four of us. Angie had gone to bed because earlier in the day she suffered from carsickness.

No one else was in the room but us. Suddenly, Joni suggested I bring my guitar and play.

It was so late! I wasn’t sure I had much of a singing voice.

But had I not gone to get my guitar, I never would have played a song for Sandra.

It turned out that I didn’t see her on the last night, as was originally planned.

I scrambled quickly to my room and grabbed my guitar. I was very excited. What would I play?

I began by singing two 70’s songs that I hoped would be familiar. I was pleased that my voice was open and light. The room had excellent acoustics and I especially enjoyed the sound of my guitar and voice.

Sandra said, “That was so beautiful! Now I want to hear one of your original songs, Judy.”

I played for another half hour with deep emotion. I didn’t want the time to end, but assumed that I would share more the following night.

It was almost midnight and I ended with two of my favorite songs, “Beside Me Always” and “Set You Free.”

Over and over Sandra said, “When you sing your own songs, your voice opens up. You are so much more connected to your own lyrics.”

Joni nodded in agreement. She said, “Jude, you sang better than I’ve ever heard you!”

Chris said softly that I was a “treasure.” He and Sandra invited Joni and I to come to Georgia where they lived. The invitation was extended many more times over the three days we saw each other. I promised him that when I got home, I would cook steel-cut oatmeal, since I had never tasted it before.

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As I walked to my room, I was exhilarated and so glad that this opportunity had come about. It was completely unplanned and one of the most beautiful memories from this trip.

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One of my reasons for taking this trip was because I was looking for ways to heal myself.

It was when I had a brief conversation with Angie during breakfast that I discovered that perhaps there was a profound outcome I hadn’t expected from this trip. I found my insight when I told Angie how my eyesight was a constant source of irritation and discomfort for me.

Angie worked in the healthcare field and recommended that I find another doctor to look at my problem.

Other people had recommended that to me, but for some reason it really resonated this time.

Perhaps it was because Angie had found a way to convince Sandra and Chris to return to California with her certainty that there was a doctor she knew who could extend Sandra’s life.

Early next year, Sandra and Chris planned to come back to California. Sandra was fairly neutral. Having hope was beautiful, but she wasn’t holding onto it.

I was so thrilled when she said, “Judy, I want you sitting next to me after I have surgery – playing your guitar!”

I would be there. She could count on it.

I made sure to take many pictures of Angie and Sandra after our breakfast.

I knew how much Angie would treasure those pictures someday and was glad that Sandra obliged.

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Here is what Sandra wrote about Angie in her book, followed by Angie’s entry:

I have a sister who despite a 14-year difference in our ages is like my best friend. I was 14 when she was born and she was the reason my mother decided I could no longer live with my grandmother. The plan was for me to take over caring for the baby after she was born. She was the most precious thing I had ever laid eyes on. Just being with her made me happy.

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She is the one who encouraged me to write a blog and felt I had a book to write. She was right about the blog; it has been a great way to process my journey and to meet people who are going through similar experiences. Angie is the kind of sister other’s hope for. To this day I can call her and talk to her about absolutely anything. She is one of those people who truly knows me and still loves me. What a great gift. For this, I thank our mother. She gave me the best gift I would ever receive.

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Angie’s View

I’ve been asked before what it’s like to read my sister’s very candid blog about an illness that is killing her. I have a confession to make: I’m just so grateful she is still here. I can’t bear to think of her not here. When I see her posting, even when I read an entry where she describes an agonizing day, I selfishly think “but you’re still here.”

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Because Sandra’s still here, I thankfully have not had to figure out the answers to a few haunting questions that come to mind from time to time:

Who will I count on to always be there for me?

Where will I go when I want to go home?

How will I heal the enormous pain my heart will feel the day I learn she is no longer here?

Who will love me like she does?

What ever will I do without her?

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© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.