myjourneysinsight

REDISCOVERING WHAT I LOVE TO DO – PART 1

Posted on February 19, 2010 by Judy

I was sixteen years old when I fell in love with the guitar.

FAREWELL INSTRUMENTAL – Cassette recording 1980

Clicking the blue links above will play audio recordings from a thirty-year-old cassette tape. I no longer remember the fingerings. If I choose to, I could figure them out again.

This morning, I put on the radio after driving carpool.

The radio announcer said, “Someone today has sold more records than the Beach Boys, Elvis, and the Beatles combined!” Well, that had my curiosity going. The answer was Diane Warren. Awe, Diane! I remember reading about her and her composing place that she called “her cave.” I wanted to learn more about her. I felt inspired to know there was such a successful woman songwriter. It went on my list to learn more about her; I plan to Google her name later.

I found that announcement an interesting coincidence, since I have been hearing my own music running through my head so much more, lately. I’ve noticed that I feel so much more passion as I play my guitar, too. It’s a fabulous feeling. I am going to take that moment, of hearing about such a successful songwriter as a positive sign for me.

Message from Joni the next day:

Judy,

The song Jud shared with us reminded me more of a poem. Very focused, lots of visual imagery and a basic simple topic that developed into an explosion of feeling and emotion; combined with the production truly was something. Agree? You could do it too. I know your writing; you can do it.

Love, Joni

It was strange today to be “back on earth.” I’ve been listening in my car to my songs, and sometimes I feel that the instrumental ones might be fun to relearn someday. My technical virtuosity was okay, although I have a few mistakes on my cassette recording.

These instrumental songs that I have are different. One, which is entitled “Farewell,” actually did have lyrics that were sung with it. However, I’ve always just liked the guitar melody without any singing.

The other two songs are very dissonant. Their sound reminds me of how I’d feel sitting out and looking at rain or a waterfall coming down.

I’d like to reply to Joni’s lovely message. I wonder if I could inspire myself to change/rewrite a more contemporary version of any of my songs. Even the thought of something completely, brand-new is hard for me to envision. Of course, I have only been playing again for three weeks. I could easily see myself slip back into not playing again.

The moms in my “Special Mom’s Group,” remember well how I brought my guitar when we first all met at a retreat entitled, “Healing the Mother’s Heart.” My fingers were in agony after playing for hours without any preparation. However, other than infrequent diversions, I could go for years without ever playing.

Reading that message again, it hit me that Jud’s song was heavy on production and certainly relied on a truly fabulous singer. Well, I don’t have that! Do I want to seek that? I’m not sure at all.

The greatest thing that I am learning is what I am capable of. I can feel passion for things that are joyful again, and I know in my heart that I could write a contemporary song if I chose to. I also can paint if I choose to, because recently I had a project that required me to pick up a paintbrush again after two years. I do love the computer, though!

At the same time, as I am rediscovering what I love to do, I am also writing about past events that were so difficult I can hardly believe I survived them.

Joni and I – we both loved the outdoors, but I was more adventurous.

Joni and I at the snow – We went on the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway many times.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tagged acoustic guitar, classical guitar, composing, Friendship, guitar, Music, original compositions, original songs, singing, songs, songwriting | Leave a comment

CAPABLE SONGWRITER

Posted on February 19, 2010 by Judy

Judy & Joni – Friends for 45 years!

“Capable songwriter, just not contemporary”

I started writing this post while my friend, Joni, was fixing me lunch. I had to take two Excedrin first. Joni cooked me some lunch, and treated me like royalty.

What am I feeling after a big meeting with an established songwriter/producer, Jud Friedman? I can certainly say that “time stood still” today. For a brief moment, I actually lived for something that quickly went by – and then I had to figure out the rest of my life. That being said, I think I feel a combination of things. I’ll be honest, I was a little deflated that I didn’t sign a million dollar contract. My husband didn’t help that one, because when I called him afterwards, he asked me if he was able to quit his job! Everything that I was told today, I intuitively knew already – so there were really no surprises.

What was told? Well, that the music business is very difficult to “break into.” Duh! That makes sense. Especially, now that there are so many software programs that can make almost anything sound good. I was also told that it is not easy to make any money, and it will cost money to make a great demo. And with file sharing, there isn’t even that much money to be made. I already knew that, too.

Okay, so here is the good part. His compliment was, “You understand lyrics, and musically your work is complex and beautiful. You have far more than is needed, actually.” He said that my songs are definitely dated (70’s), but he also felt that I would be quite capable of writing something more contemporary. Although he appreciated my musicality, he said on a disk I wouldn’t get far with my type of music.

I performed only four songs; he asked me to pick my best. I felt that I did an adequate job, considering how many years it has been since I’ve performed. He made me feel comfortable since his first words were, “Most performers would say it was harder to play in a room like this, than on a stage in front of far more people.”

I was fascinated as he explained how today’s music is different. He said that my songs were “linear,” moving along in a certain flow. The more contemporary songs use fewer chords, and build on it.

He picked up a guitar and went on to play a riff from my song called “You Are My Wings.” He sang my chorus, and expanded the last line. He told me to totally eliminate my verse, and make the chorus the new verse. He used a single line to create a new chorus, with a lot of repetition. It was all so interesting!

He further clarified his explanation of how to change my song by demonstrating with one of his own songs. It was inspiring. He shared with Joni and I his most recent song. His lyrics were incredibly heartfelt and poignant; it was a love song that talked about not being hurt by your lover and of being fragile.

After putting the lyrics up on his computer, he then played the demo. It was enough to knock your socks off. I felt so honored that he shared it. I’m sure it will end up being another Oscar nominated song. Joni and I looked at each other and we were simply blown away.

He never gave any cues that it was time for me to leave. I just decided that I had taken up enough of his precious time, and shook his hand. He said he would be glad to listen to anything I might rework and share with him.

This picture is of Jud Friedman and me. Jud is an established music producer and this picture was taken two years later. I made another appointment with him to share my progress.

Am I going to do something new, something contemporary? That’s something I’m not sure of. I love what I’m doing now, and it’s certainly wonderful for me to make time for myself. However, this whole “career change” issue is one that I am often struggling with, and I would rather not add any further pressure on myself. I’m actually not sure that I want to rework any of my songs. I might never even write another song. However, someday I would love to record a demo, if only to know how it might sound to have all those extra touches. The fact that it is a matter of expense doesn’t faze me. I’ll know when that time comes.

I am especially appreciative of my childhood friend, Joni. While typing in her den, I lamented that we hadn’t taken a picture with Jud! She said we could “go back,” but instead we did the next best thing; her son took a picture of us both on her front porch. She did cook me a fabulous lunch.

I can count on my fingers the times we’ve been together since high school. Years and years have gone by without our seeing or speaking with each other. Today was an absolutely special time to connect once again with my childhood buddy and form a fantastic memory!

Tagged acoustic guitar, childhood friendship, composing, creativity, Friendship, guitar, Music, original songs, performing, singing, songwriting | Leave a comment

RECONNECTING & REMEMBERING

Posted on February 18, 2010 by Judy

Three, bereaved mothers and their subsequent babies.

Katie with my youngest son

“RECONNECTING AND REMEMBERING WHEN I DECIDED TO HAVE MY FOURTH CHILD”

–

Message that I received today:

Dear Judy,

Thank you for sending me your blog. I’m sorry to hear this past year has been such a tragic one with your parents. I’m happy that you have found an outlet in your writing and music. We all deserve to take a break sometimes. I hope you find great relief on your road to rediscovery. I look forward to reading more from you.

Lori

Hi Lori, I very much appreciate that you responded to my sharing this blog with you! I guess writing sometimes involves reliving painful parts of our lives; there are definitely things I’d rather not relive, but I am writing anyway. I wonder if it might be helpful for someone else, but certainly I am finding that sharing is helpful for me!

After losing Jason at age five, I was glad that I had found Compassionate Friends. There was no therapist that could help me, and I needed someone that could understand the depth of that particular pain – of losing a child. Even bereaved parents that were very farther along in the grieving process couldn’t help me, because I didn’t believe they actually survived the pain. So the only help that I found was by holding hands with those suffering alongside of me.

How could you know how fresh it still was for me when I came to your house after Matthew died? You told me later on that two years into your loss was really nothing, and that was exactly where I was when I came to see you. My cousin, Dorothy (who is also your aunt), called me to ask if I could help you. Your beloved son had a heart defect, and had just suddenly dropped dead while playing with his brother in the living room. Well, I showed up that night and tried to offer whatever comfort I could. We had a close connection for quite awhile, but honestly, when I started dealing with raising my children and caring for my parents. We lost touch.

Both of our sons were very much affected by losing their sibling. I think their closeness was very helpful at the time. And then of course, you became pregnant again not long after the loss – something I had also done when I became pregnant with Mandy one month after Jason died. I remember when you told me you were pregnant, and guess what?

It was at that moment that I decided to have my fourth child!

The following month I became pregnant with Reggie. I decided that all of my convincing reasons to have another child (which you and I had talked about), applied to me as well. When Allison, from CP joined us with her pregnancy, we made quite a trio! I still have pictures of all our babies together.

I think affirming a new life, also allowed me to sever the tight connection I had with bereavement and Compassionate Friends. I don’t know how I was able to make those cold calls to newly bereaved parents, and certainly reaching out to you was only possible because the window of time when my cousin called me was simply “meant to be.”

I must say I was fortunate that Becky took over the reins of the organization. Lori, I remember how I would see you at the holiday, candle-lighting ceremony. Ironically, tomorrow when I see this music producer, my favorite song called “Beside Me Always” is the one I would play every year at that ceremony. I eventually stopped going every year when I realized that I preferred to light the Hanukah candles with my living children instead; I knew Jason would have understood that. I’d love to hear more of how things are going for you.

Love, Judy

On Feb 23, 2010, Lori wrote:

Judy,

Thanks for posting that beautiful picture of Katie and Reggie. I love the one also of the three of us with our babies. I enjoyed reading your blog. It brought back so many memories. I remember you were with me when I took my pregnancy test and it was positive! I, like you, was so worried any future children would have a heart defect. I refused to get attached to Katie, while I was pregnant with her, until I knew for sure she was healthy.

I understand why we had lost touch. You must have been and still are so overwhelmed. It now seems like a lifetime ago that our children were so small. I have a niece and nephew that are both 16, the same age Matthew would have been. There is always a pull on my heart when I spend time with them. It’s a funny thing, grief. Just when you think your doing okay the smallest thing can bring the pain crashing back.

Lori

On Feb 24, 2010, Judy wrote:

Hi Lori,

I can’t tell you what your message meant to me. We were so close through our bereavement (remember, I was only two years in – and certainly no “expert,” even though you thought I was). I never did share with you what was going on, and that was the way I “used to be.” I figured I could just handle everything myself, and I did it at the expense of my heart.

I think I’ve moved forward in my grief with Jason, but honestly, I am still grieving the unfairness of what I have had to go through with my living children, as well. But as soon as I write this, I start to remember how fortunate I have been with all of them – we both know how much worse it could be.

I need to continue moving forward, which I am. I realize that I especially am now dealing with my elderly parents on top of everything else! As I started out my blog stating, “It is WAY TOO MUCH!”

But that is also what life is about, and I am realizing how much better it is not to feel that you are all alone. It must sound funny coming from someone that has been married thirty years, but men and women are definitely different in how they cope with grief. But you and I already know that!

Thanks for sharing.

Love, Judy

Posted in Grief Stories | Tagged "sandwich generation", Bereavement grief "subsequent children", Caregiving, compassionate friends, Friendship, grief bereavement "Loss of a Child", GRIEF RELATED, parenting | Leave a comment

WRITING AND SHARING

Posted on February 17, 2010 by Judy

I love to illustrate food!

“HALF A CENTURY”

Perhaps this change came about because I turned fifty this past October. I’m not exactly sure. But it was definitely the beginning of me making some changes in my life.

I think I was fully “shell shocked” this past December. Of course, my numerous lists of challenges over the past two decades sound more like a Hallmark drama than something I’ve lived. But between November and January, I found out how depleted I really was. This has turned into a journey of “opening up,” because I’ve realized that I have been moving through my life like a zombie. It’s one thing to feel devoid of connections, it’s another to realize how lonely it is all of a sudden. I was super caregiver; I was taking care of so many people. The question was, who was taking care of me? It guess that’s also my job, but I didn’t have much left over for that part!

Recently, I found out that writing is a wonderful, creative outlet and that it is extremely helpful for me. I am finding out that I have a lot of things to write about and share. The responses I’ve received have been so uplifting and empowering, that I am feeling invigorated and excited to continue this writing journey.

“RECENTLY, IT WAS ALL TOO MUCH”

My challenges accelerated last November. My mother-in-law died, and a week after that my mother fell and broke her shoulder. I still had it in me to continue the brave fight; to take care of whatever illustration business might infrequently come my way and to keep up our household. I still made sure to go out and slug some tennis balls whenever possible. However, day after day of going to the hospital to see my mom started to take a toll. It wasn’t like my own children didn’t need me; thankfully, they were much better than before. My three kids have consumed my energy for a very long time. I started to try and count the years, but since it began with my first child, Jason, that would go back to 1987.

Making medical decisions, alleviating my father’s depression and anxiety and constantly visiting my mom was now added into my existence. Always my mantra has been, that this is what my mother would have done for me – and certainly would have if she were younger and stronger. However, as time wore on it became plain to see that I am only human and this was all a bit much. It really did seem like it was time for me to let go of imagining my mom would live forever, and to accept the situation as “the time has come.” The fact that she actually recovered was somewhat of a surprise, considering that my intuition has usually told me to expect the worst (based on past experiences, for sure).

“SONGWRITING”

Anyway, I actually wanted this blog to be more about the new outlook and excitement that I have about pursuing the music I used to play when I was in high school and college. It is amazing to me that I can even pick up my guitar and play again after thirty years. The last song I wrote was for my wedding in 1981.

Now that thirty years have passed, I’m certain that all my life experiences have allowed me to be a more sensitive person. I am finding it “transporting” to play songs I wrote years ago, and feel many of the same feelings that I had when I was younger. I can’t even begin to know how I could have written songs then that easily speak to me now! Perhaps when we are younger, the heart is so unblemished that it is easier to write about those early disappointments, heartbreaks and love. I believe I had insight then to touch upon many of the things that I would face later on. Songs about death, lack of communication and love all resonate so much for me.

“MY AUDITION IS APPROACHING”

This Thursday, I will be performing some of my songs for a connection in the music business (a successful producer) that my childhood friend, Joni offered to set up a meeting with. Because of my sharing during my mother’s illness, somehow this has come about. This is really a great opportunity to get some excellent feedback. After not performing or playing much for thirty years, what could I possibly expect? I am trying not to expect much. I am certainly enjoying the dreaming, and hope that my newfound rediscovery of music will continue. Imagine what kind of new songs I could write? Of course, I am so behind in many basic things, like doing my taxes. It is going to take awhile before I get to that place!