HERE I AM, WRITING TO YOU

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Judy

My writing began at the same time that I picked up my guitar again after thirty years. I feel like there is a purpose behind everything I’m doing, even if I don’t know where it will lead.

If my blog were a book, I have wondered what the ending would be.

Right now, my parents and immediate family are managing well enough to allow me to devote myself to what has brought me joy. Perhaps the reason I am driven to work so hard is because I feel this time is finite for me.

My blog began when I wrote about the trauma I kept stuffed inside for a very long time. At the same time that I was releasing my trauma, I was also dealing with my challenging life. Today, my life feels far less complicated. I’m not sure if that’s just my perception or reality, but I am certainly grateful. Otherwise, I could never in a million years be devoting myself to the rediscovery of my songs.

A recent revelation I’ve had is that I was unable to sing because of the sadness during my zombie-like existence. Music began during the time in my life where I was joyful. In order for me to sing again, I had to release the trauma. Writing allowed me to do that. Once again I am joyful, and singing has been simply fantastic!

Playing my original songs has truly become the “musical of my life.” More and more, I feel the stories behind the music. I feel as though I’m in a time warp. Because I have been singing songs from my youth, I remember clearly how I felt when I was twenty years old. It doesn’t seem as though thirty years could have gone by!

There is both fantasy and reality going on for me at the same time.

The fantasy is keeping me very focused on finishing what I’ve started. When I started recording with George, there were a few songs that I sang in too high a register. Now I have perhaps five songs that I feel are adequately recorded.

The unfolding of the rest of my “songbook” is rapidly occurring now. I have ten songs in the works.

Preparing a song to record is a huge feat for me. Aside from transposing the song into a lower key, I also compose dual, guitar tracks. I’m not always comfortable with the lyrics. Rewriting lyrics, deciding musical formats, and memorizing all of this has been a passionate and exhausting endeavor, which I’ve embraced.

Sometimes, the poignancy of each song overwhelms me. Unfortunately, reality hits about what this is all costing me. Recording with George is an expense that I’ve wondered how I can justify. My husband always points out that we don’t own a large screen TV, but that’s okay with me. I wouldn’t call that a sacrifice!

George told me that recording one song in a three-hour session is rare. He has told me that most songwriters he’s worked with will spend at least three sessions to record one song. As an illustrator, I’m certain it would take at least that much time to perfect a recording.

My recordings have a lot of extraneous breaths, pops, and lip smacking that could be removed. With my vocal improvement, I could go back and re-record my songs with better vocals. However, I want to finish getting all of my songs recorded first, without perfection.

I am not writing any new songs yet, but I’m intrigued about what I would write about if and/or when that time arrives. I do have one song, which I am trying to rewrite the lyrics for. It has been quite challenging for me to write new lyrics.

Although my songs were written over thirty years ago, so many themes have continued in my life. Occasionally changing lyrics to be a better fit for me is necessary. For example, “Beside Me Always” was originally written as a “breakup” song. I never think of it that way anymore, since I revised the lyrics as a tribute for my dead son, Jason.

I also think about other special people whom I miss when I sing that song. When I sing “Another You,” I feel grateful for certain, special friends in my life.

Just yesterday I decided to revise the lyrics to the third verse of, “Another You.” Originally, I wrote the song for Cheryl and in the third verse it said: “Here I am shining to you, when you thought it could only be me, but your happiness is all I see, and all I’ve ever wanted.” That was related to when she had a broken engagement, while I was happily married. Later on, she became engaged again and that was the story behind the verse. Cheryl died two years ago, and the story is long ago.

I thought the words to the third verse would be a better fit for me this way: “Here I am shining to you, when I never thought it’d happen for me, and my happiness is there to see, and what you would have wanted.” That felt truer for me, as my journey has led me to intense joy.

So last night at Kulak’s Woodshed when I was performing “Another You,” I completely flubbed that third verse. I think I covered it up well, and no one would know any of this if I weren’t sharing it!

I am headed toward the image of performing full sets of all the songs I’ve worked hard at arranging. My voice will never be “professional,” but the feeling I have resonates and I’ve gotten beautiful feedback.

As I record more songs, I will be sharing more of the stories behind them. I was fortunate to have other ways to aide my memory. I kept diaries, and I discovered a special, cassette tape from thirty years ago.

This was not the cassette that was a straightforward rendition of eighteen of my songs. I had another tape from 1980. It was a special gift that I recorded to send to my good friend, Marge, while she was away in Israel for a year. Marge returned the tape to me many years ago. On that tape, I shared my latest compositions with her, as well as the stories behind the songs.

My opening up will continue, as I plan to share audio portions of that tape and diary pages that relate to my songwriting. All of this is very compelling and moving for me to share.

I prefaced my performance of “Another You,” with these words:

“I have been blessed in my life with great friendships, and nothing expresses feelings better than music.”

I spoke so softly, that I wasn’t sure the audience really heard me.

Now it’s going to be hard for me to play “Another You” again with a straight face. Last night when I performed it at Kulak’s, the host teased me afterwards. He said my song reminded him of songs that were sung on Sesame Street. Then someone imitated my singing using a “Kermit the Frog” voice. I guess my song has a child-like quality! That’s okay with me.

I enjoy sharing my lessons with Peaches. As usual, our laughter constantly erupts. Sharing my unfolding songs with Peaches has been very satisfying and exciting part of my journey.

7/13/10 LESSON WITH PEACHES A

7/13/10 LESSON WITH PEACHES B

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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THIS ONE IS LIFELONG; THE MUSIC IS FOREVER

Posted on July 8, 2010 by Judy

A photo taken with Char at my oldest son’s Bar Mitzvah six years ago. Wow, do I look different with make-up!

Lifelong adj

Lasting the whole of a lifetime. Enduring.

“Friendship with an open heart”

This past weekend, my husband and older son were away on a short trip together. I appreciated how I could play my guitar at odd hours, and not have to fix as many meals in the kitchen. It was nice seeing them both again when they returned!

While they were gone, I had a wonderful visit with my friend, Charlotte. I was eager to share with Char my newfound passions. I shared a lot with her about my blogging process, and then I played my guitar. I felt so happy and savored the joy I felt as I shared my transformation with her. She marveled at the changes in me, and her adoration was palpable.

In the past, I never shared much with her about myself. I was much more focused on trying to extract her knowledge as an advocate for my children. It was almost as if she were “the teacher” and I were “the student.” This visit was very different.

I shared with her how much happier I am with what I am doing; I told her I never enjoyed being an artist that much. Charlotte couldn’t grasp that I was leaving illustration and painting behind. She didn’t want to see me let go of a talent that I had honed for thirty years.

I launched into a detailed explanation. I have hardly painted at all in the last five years. I was always a “problem solver” illustrator; except for painting demanding portfolio paintings occasionally – I never painted anything for myself.

Charlotte’s voice was serious, “I love your artwork – you must continue it! It is so beautiful and you could do wonderful things outside of confinement. With your ability you could create beautiful paintings expressing yourself.”

I gave her an example: my painting of perfume bottles. I spent a hundred hours painting it. Now anyone could take a photo (myself included), go on Photoshop, and create imagery similar to what I used to do by hand on a white piece of watercolor paper.”

The computer killed my business, but at the same time made my work so much easier. I take digital photos; efficiently and quickly make them into paintings. My old process used to take me oodles of hours. I don’t want to go back there! I am not planning to turn down assignments; of course, I do get one occasionally. The process of using my computer has been very helpful, efficient, and much quicker.

Although I’ve had technical ability, my heart was never expressed through painting and art. Artwork was always about perfection! Writing is a creative process that allows for a full expression of emotion. Music is about simply conveying what I feel and hear inside of me. In music and writing, I express myself and there is no perfection there; only my attempt to share as best I can.

After Charlotte left, I marveled how much more connected I felt to her. My heart was open and I celebrated my humanity during this magical time in my life.

Steve and I playing “Chaseaway” (a game I invented to torment him) when we were little.

“Little Girl Found”

I find it amazing how I have reconnected with my childhood friends.

Steve was the little boy I used to boss around when I was eight years old. He was my slave, and I wasn’t always very nice to him. Steve and I played practically every day together until he moved away when I was ten. I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him until earlier this year. By my count, that would be about forty years!

In my memorabilia box, I found a letter that I had written to Steve when I was very young. I have a lot of curiosity as to why it was never mailed.

The letter that was never mailed to Steve. It’s so yellow, it’s hard to read.

With Photoshop I made it more readable. I played with crystals instead of a crystal ball!

I love the last line: “I keep writing letters because I have nothing else to do, so you are going to get a lot of letters!”

Steve and I are both holding plastic fish.

When I first began practicing, Steve offered to take some cassettes and convert them into digital files. I had a few cassettes with my original songs recorded. I also shared with him the cassette tape where I spoke at Jason’s funeral. I still have not listened to it since the funeral.

Now Steve is very involved in my music. He has come to several recording sessions at George’s studio. He often spends his time creating improved mixes of my songs, and has shared many tools to help me on the computer. Recently he even lent me an excellent microphone and interface for recording at home.

When I’ve gone back to listen to my earlier recordings, I do cringe. However, my heart has been warmed by Steve’s encouragement and support. He liked my music even when it was “cringe-worthy!” The few times when Steve has heard me sing, I’ve felt so human because I’ve struggled with keeping pitch. One time, I asked Steve if he thought I would be able to carry my songs with my “vocal limitations.” I knew he would be honest.

I was elated that he thought I most certainly could! Sharing my improvement with him has been tremendous fun.

Seeing Steve for the first time after forty years, this past April.

I have often struggled with disappointment in my relationships. Disappointment was about my perfectionism that inevitably led to friends “letting me down.”

When I was very young, I searched for a “best friend.” I never had a sister, and often wondered what it would be like. I desperately wanted to be close to my neighbor/friend Joni. She often disappointed me because she was very moody at times. There were good reasons, since she had a very difficult childhood. Mostly, I was frustrated that she was never available to play with me. Because she was required to work in her parents’ dry cleaning store every day, we attended different schools.

We’ve known each other since we were three years old.

Joni always went with my family on vacations and here we’re at the snow.

By high school we finally attended the same school. It was an opportunity to become closer. I was not a very good friend. I was jealous of my beautiful friend, Joni; she was very popular with guys. When we went to a dance together and she left with a new boyfriend, I was very angry with her. I detached myself, and created a lot of distance.

I remember one day playing my guitar on a bench in high school. Joni sat down to listen to me play. I was able to play about 200 songs from the 1970’s by heart. That day I sang the Gordon Lightfoot song, “If You Could Read My Mind.” Joni enjoyed sitting with me and I remember it was a sunny and beautiful moment.

An honest card I received from her before I got married.

Perhaps it was a few months after that, when I noticed she was very depressed. I hadn’t heard from her in a while, and knocked on her door. She answered and looked like she hadn’t changed her clothes in a week. Her hair was stringy and I was concerned. She had broken up with a boyfriend, but this was more than that. I was worried about her, but I don’t remember much about what happened after that. Earlier this year she shared with me how difficult that time was for her; how she was depressed and unsure about her life.

I distanced myself from all of my friends when I got married. My career was very isolating. Then, when I had a sick child, I was far too consumed with that for friendship. With my son’s death, I was only able to be with fellow, bereaved parents for a very long time. I stayed in touch with most of my friends, but my heart was very closed. I hardly saw Joni for many, many years even though she didn’t live that far away.

Earlier this year, I felt so appreciative while spending time with her when she introduced me to a music producer. Monday night was the second time since then that she came to watch me perform at Kulak’s Woodshed.

This past Monday, I was picked as the twenty-seventh performer. I estimated that I had at least an hour and a half to wait, which was plenty of time to get nervous! I enjoyed watching the other performers, but decided to take a stretch outside to banish my jitters. I called Joni, and she invited me to visit since she only lived a few blocks away.

She hugged me warmly. Since I’ve been writing and I’m a different person, I’ve felt very much appreciated by all my friends.

I had a few minutes and told Joni I could play some songs to warm up my voice.

I remembered she had sent me such a nice email message the day before. She had mentioned Gordon Lightfoot. I started to warble, “If You Could Read My Mind” and I was transported back to that day on our high school quad.

Joni said, “I remember one time hearing you play.You were so good, and I felt sad that we weren’t close. I just wanted to sit there for hours and listen to you play.”

I played in Joni’s living room for about twenty minutes and then headed back to Kulak’s.

When I performed, I could feel the warmth seeing Joni in the audience with her husband. I came home to another beautiful message from her. She wrote:

“You were amazing at Kulak’s. Thanks for keeping us in the loop; Ben and I enjoyed our night out. I love you, I feel so special with you. It is great being somebody who knows you.”

An earlier message from Joni yesterday, after I shared with her my recording of So Real:

Thank you so much for this song. The peace your song brought me helped me. It was like an onionskin or an overlay for me to rest on. Your song connected me to the love I have for my daughter in a calm way. I needed the extra comfort that your downy, soft heartfelt song for Jason provided. I can’t believe how his life has touched you so deeply. Jason did have an amazing spirit matched by an incredible smile. Beautiful beyond words, I am so sorry that you have had to go through this pain, but you have managed amazing feats because of the situation you were/are in. Your song, your friends, your poetry, your depth of emotion mesmerizes me. I remember the day you called me and let me know what had happened, and I was and am so glad that you include me in your life. You’re my sister and I love you very much. You have turned a mother’s worst nightmare into other avenues that express the emotions of the soul in such a deep, loving, sharing, thoughtful way that no one else can do. You are my hero, and I am proud of how you have been able to deal with the death of your firstborn, and so many other difficult situations. I wish you continued strength creating and soothing yourself and the woes of others.

I love you, Joni

The “writer inside” returned to me today in the early morning hours. I had to write about my shame that I allowed disappointment to close my heart so many times in my life. I was remembering those feelings, and how this year so many things about my friend were revealed to me. She struggled so much in high school and I hadn’t understood. I remembered how desperately I had wanted to be closer with her when we were very young.

I used to wish I had a crystal ball. If I had, how amazed I might have been to think of these future moments.

Message from Joni this morning:

Jude,

It is amazing how similar your voice is to Peaches. I like your rendition the best. You have more feeling in your singing and she has more perfection, whatever that means.

Do you ever feel like letting go when you sing and just belt it out????  Or do you?

Last night, I wasn’t feeling well, all headachy, so I sat in the dark and listened to your 5 or 6 songs and basically cried through many of them. I liked thinking that some of the thoughts behind the words were about me. I guess I like thinking that I am important, vanity I guess. It is fun growing older and coming to understand myself better.

Well, I always knew you were talented and bright, and it comes out in your work. You are so talented and gifted in putting your words together. I can’t believe I was so lucky to have you as my childhood friend

Lots of continued growth and success to you,

Love always, Joni

Dearest Joni,

You have well been on my mind; in fact, I actually spent hours writing a beautiful post about the story of our friendship. I was so moved while visiting you on Monday, and having you come a second time to see me play at Kulak’s!

The story of our friendship is very heartfelt. My gift to you is to let you know how special you are in my life.

Knowing that my songs have moved you means so very much to me. On top of that, what can I say when you prefer my singing ability to my teacher’s? I have always thought my voice was inferior. It has been very exciting at my age, to discover that I could improve to reach this point. WOW!!!!

I would say that you are definitely a part of the songs I’ve written. I could start with the song, “How We Don’t Care.” The theme of closing my heart has been very familiar for me. I’m certain I was that way with you when I was younger.

However, I was thinking of you today when I was singing “Another You.”

My songs are about my life. The fact that I wrote them when I was twenty doesn’t mean they don’t apply to what I’ve experienced later on. In fact, I connect with every one of my songs – they transport me each and every time.

I am so lucky to share my life with someone I’ve grown up with – you. We always carry the memories of our childhood and inside we are the same even though are bodies have changed.

I love you, Jude

An excerpt from my song, Another You:

“And here I am singing to you,

When I know that you’ve heard most of my songs

But this one is lifelong; the music is forever.

And I know if I search my whole life through,

I’ll never find another you,

I could search and search my memories, too,

And I’ll never find, I’ll never find another you.”

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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MY LIFE IS NOW PEACHY

Posted on July 7, 2010 by Judy

peach·y adj.:excellent or wonderful (informal)

I remember how giddy I was when I first began writing my blog. I was gripped by writing about the trauma I decided to stop “stuffing.” There were so many funny and interesting things I wanted to write about. My posts would list the times of day and what had occurred! I find it interesting how that has changed for me.

My passion for music has eclipsed everything now.

I have accelerated the process of transposing my songs into lower keys. All of my practicing has paid off! My guitar playing has gotten significantly smoother. George, my arranger, even commented to me about my noticeable improvement.

Yesterday, I had a voice lesson with Peaches. I was eager to share with Peaches a few of the songs that I’d recently transposed. Composing new chord progressions, as well as arranging instrumental melodies in lower keys has really improved many of my old songs.

Peaches was finally ready to share with me her newer, vocal recordings of my songs. Initially, when I first heard Peaches singing my songs, it was almost shocking. I was taken aback by the many changes she made to my original melodies, as well as the timing and phrasing. Peaches told me my reaction was quite normal; many songwriters feel that way. She went ahead and made some additional recordings where she sang the song more closely to my version.

After spending considerable time listening to her vocals, I’ve started to appreciate her interpretations. I have included both at the end of this post.

As usual, my lesson was about sharing with her my unbridled passion and joy about where my journey has been heading. On Monday night, I had performed at Kulak’s Woodshed. I performed “Beside Me Always” again. The first time I performed it, I was very shaky and nervous. Since I loved the song so much, I wanted to do it justice and perform it with newfound confidence.

Peaches was very lavish in her praise about my progress and my performance. I shared with her that I feel my music is inspiring simply because I convey with honesty the pain, suffering, and deep love which I’ve experienced.

Peaches asked me if my family had any awareness of how much I’ve improved. I told her that my music does not resonate with them. My husband is exhausted from his job, which he has not been happy with since he was transferred. He has to commute for long hours, and leaves the house at 4:30 a.m. every morning.

I try not to expect too much from him at this time. I am simply relieved that I have the freedom to take off from caregiving to express creativity at this magical time in my life.

As far as my three teenagers go, I told Peaches “Mom is still not cool!”

The song I plan on recording this Saturday is entitled “More Than You Know.” I’ve decided I’ll perform it once I am completely confident about the song’s structure and melody.

I apologize to my readers if I’ve put far too many audio files here for you to take the time to listen to. My excitement has translated into wanting to share so very much. I’ve broken my lesson into two parts: A & B, as well as my sharing with Peaches three, upcoming songs, which I plan on recording.

PEACHES LESSON 7/6/10 B

MY SONGS I WILL BE RECORDING SOON:

ANOTHER YOU – LESSON 7/6/10

MORE THAN YOU KNOW – LESSON 7/6/10

WHAT YOU’VE MEANT TO ME – LESSON 7/6/10

I am going to share Peaches’ new recordings here. I will also put these on the Song Recording page of my blog.


PEACHES’ RECORDINGS:

PEACHES SINGS BESIDE ME ALWAYS – Copyright 2010 by Judy Unger

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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TO HAVE COURAGE OR BEAK CAREFUL

Posted on July 2, 2010 by Judy
In August of 2008, our family adopted a Jenday Conure, which we named Tiki. This story begins about a year ago.

In August of 2008, our family adopted a Sun Conure, which we named Tiki. This story begins about a year ago.

All morning I was imagining how it was going. Today was the day I was hoping my husband would finally “make friends” with our parrot, Tiki.

I very much wanted our bird to bond with him. I was tired of being a caregiver for that damn bird. Of course, the bird liked my older son, but my son was never home and always busy – why not get my husband on board? My hubby and his bird could take showers, go for walks, and even snuggle in bed together while watching TV . . . it was quite simple; I didn’t need to hire a parrot behaviorist to solve this!

The instructions I gave my husband were simple:

“If I’m not there, he can’t be jealous. If the two of you spend more time together alone, I know he’ll fall in love with you. Here’s what we’ll do – I haven’t given Tiki any of his favorite treat in the world, Safflower seeds (There was nothing more exquisitely delicious to that bird). Feeding him those seeds will cement your relationship. Good luck!”

I came home and bounded up the stairs to find out how it went.

My husband held up his hand. He was wearing a bloody bandage. He said, “When I went to give him a seed, he grabbed onto my hand. He wouldn’t let go and I literally shook him off – he went sailing across the room!”

It was a week later, when I actually accepted the finality of the situation. Our bird was always going to hate my husband.

I was in the kitchen, and Tiki was comfortably perched on my shoulder. I was looking for something in the refrigerator, and my husband walked by. Suddenly I looked up and Tiki had managed with his clipped wings to flutter off of me and onto my husband. His beak was locked onto the back of my husband’s neck.

My husband was shrieking. He wanted to swipe the bird off, but was afraid he might kill him. He yelled, “Get this goddamn bird off of me!”

I made sure to get Tiki’s wings clipped again a few days later.

So now my husband who loved birds was resigned to bird banishment/exile. From that day forward, he avoided Tiki and hated him. This bird was my responsibility now. My caregiving was extended even farther beyond the many people and pets I already had to care for!

Here Tiki is peaking out of his little “tent” where he sleeps.

Close to a decade ago, I learned how devoted a bird owner could be. That summer, I experienced a horrifying episode of a true 911 emergency. There was a knock at our door. It was a neighbor from two houses down. It seemed that his bird had escaped and was in our backyard.

I welcomed him into our house and showed him outside. I looked out of my window a few moments later, and he was carrying a ladder down to our pool area. His bird was high up in one of our trees. I went out to watch and it all happened so quickly. He fell off the ladder and came crashing down with a large thud. A wooden fence nearby broke his fall. I raced to where he had fallen and when I reached him he was on his back with a bone protruding through the skin near his elbow. He had also broken both his legs. I called 911, and could see he was going into shock. I stayed with him until the paramedics arrived to take him to the hospital.

His bird’s name was Angel, and the bird actually did return to his house. Years later I saw him walking with a cane. He was my age and had a permanent disability. All of this because of his stupid bird! I was told we were fortunate that he hadn’t sued us, too.

My older son allows Tiki to take food out of his mouth. YUCK! The funniest was seeing the bird pulling out strings of chewing gum!

We do not know if our bird is male or female. In order to find out, I’d have to mail in a feather for a DNA test. I am okay with not knowing our bird’s sex. If he laid an egg, then we’d know he was female! Actually, birds can get hormonal, so we don’t want our bird laying any eggs. If a bird starts getting that “nesting” behavior, it’s time to rearrange the cage. Nesting behavior usually makes a bird very cranky!

What do I know about birds? I was no expert! But I’ve sure learned a lot.

My husband, on the other hand, loves birds. Before we were married, he owned two Cockatiels. They were named Oscar and Felix, after the “Odd Couple.” Only people my age or older remember that. When I joke that I could have named one of our children Felix Unger, sometimes I get strange looks. That’s when I feel that I am definitely fifty!

My husband had a close relationship with his cockatiels. He took showers with his birds. The birds would go under the covers with him. Unfortunately, his father lost both of them, one at a time. It happened while my husband was out-of-town.

I never met Felix. However, his bird, Oscar, hated me.

Tiki flew into our lives about two years ago when my housekeeper, Rosa, came arrived for work and calmly stated that she had a bird in her car. It had flown onto her boyfriend’s shoulder. My children and I ran outside to see the bird. When the car door opened, the bird sailed out and went high up in a tree.

It was gorgeous! This bird was the color of a popsicle – “mango colors” of yellow gradating to orange, with green wings and blue tail-feathers. The bird flapped its wings loudly and fluttered out of the tree and onto my older son’s shoulder. My son ran into our house with the bird still perched on his shoulder.

Our family quickly learned that this bird had the most horrifying screech. The screech of a Conure makes “fingernails on a chalkboard” reminiscent of a symphony in comparison. The pitch and volume was unbelievable. I have probably lost a lot of my hearing because of this bird!

The bird flew around our house, and ended up in my older son’s bedroom atop his ceiling fan. He left plenty of poops there. Over the next few days my husband and son went shopping for bird food, and a few other items. Finally, I couldn’t stand the poops anymore so I went on Craigslist and shopped for a cage. I drove to Topanga Canyon and bought a beautiful, green cage for $75.

I felt remorse that the bird’s prior owner, might be looking for him. I contacted the nearby animal shelter, and filed a report. The shelter kept the bird for five days and no one claimed him. It was also determined there was no implanted chip. A lot of people wanted to adopt our bird, but we were first on the list since we had brought him in.

We needed to name our bird. My older son had no creativity, and wanted to call him Birdie. We decided on Tiki, but my son still calls him Birdie. We have assumed that Tiki is a boy. He seems to be male to me – but what do I know?

This bird loves carbs, so he’s definitely one of our family!

In this picture Tiki is saying, “I love the taste of bloody fingers and ears!”

This is where my story about courage begins.

That very first day having this strange bird in our house was exciting. I decided to go into my son’s bedroom to see the bird. My husband and my older son lectured me and gave me instructions. I was told to move very, very slowly. Suddenly, Tiki flew down onto my shoulder. Within five seconds, he bit me on my ear. I was in shock!

Oh my god, it hurt! I thrashed madly and tried to dislodge him. Both my husband and my son yelled at me for my “panic attack.” I was told to either stay calm or get lost. I ran out of the room in terror; my ear was bleeding.

My husband is very rule oriented. He lectured our household about the fact that Tiki could catch a disease from our cats. They could not be near each other! I know that sounds obvious, but he wanted my children to wash their hands if they had been near the cats before touching the bird. This was solved quickly, since no one wanted to touch this bird. Not if they wanted to keep their fingers intact.

Ironically, Tiki has attacked our cats. He is quite stupid and has been a “hairs breadth” away from becoming a feather toy! One of our two cats would be sleeping soundly, and Tiki would dance over to peck it on the back! My older son would have to quickly intervene.

Tiki bit a lot more ears than mine. He bit my younger son’s, Rosa’s, and her grandson’s. Rosa said, “I was originally thinking to keep this bird. It’s a good thing you took him. If he hurt any of my grandchildren, I might have roasted him for dinner!”

Despite bloody fingers and hands, my older son had the confidence to handle Tiki. So did my husband. My husband and my son were in charge of this “cantankerous creature.” Tiki was terrified of gloves and eventually only my older son was able to get him on his finger.

Tiki has amazing eyes.

Now my story about how to “beak careful” gets interesting for me.

My husband was at work, and my children were in school. My parents had moved out after living with me for over a year; and my house was quiet again. I was home alone with Tiki.

I watched him in his cage. If I put my hand in, I would surely get bitten. I did some reading about parrots.

One day I decided to take a chance. Tiki watched me warily. I put my hand into his cage very slowly and added food to his dish. I tried giving him different things to eat. He was just like my children because he only liked carbs! His diet outside of bird pellets became pizza crust, chips, and cereal. One day, I discovered Tiki liked watermelon rind.

It was risky putting my hand in the cage. I was bitten many, many times. However, his bite became more of a nip that didn’t draw as much blood. Finally the biting stopped. I still cannot believe that I had the courage to take these chances!

The day finally came when Tiki stepped onto my finger. He stood there for a few seconds, and I gingerly took him out of the cage. I was absolutely elated. It turned out that stepping onto my finger was very rare. After that milestone, Tiki refused to do it again for a month. Gradually, it happened more frequently. At those times, I felt like there was something very special going on. Tiki could actually gauge my level of stress. If he trusted me and stepped onto my finger, I felt like I was gifted with “Zen-like” calmness!

As Tiki bonded with me, he began to develop disdain for my husband. Only my older son and I could handle Tiki. Everyone else was viewed as a threat. My younger son’s darting motions made Tiki especially angry. He hated my daughter. Before we had his wings clipped, he hovered over to her and cackled with delight as she ran off in terror.

One day, I decided to try taking Tiki into the shower with me. He walked along the bottom, gingerly avoiding the spray. I was careful not to step on him or get shampoo on his feathered head. Then I put Tiki up on top of the shower doors. He liked it there. I would take my shower, and just before exiting, I would put him on my finger and let the spray cover him.

Here he is atop the shower doors. When he throws down a poop, I can just spray it away! If I forget, my husband lectures me!

Tiki also had another way of showing his delight. He made kissing sounds. Since he’s made me deaf with his screeches, he has made up for everything with his kisses. When Tiki kisses me aloud, my heart jumps for joy.

Tiki has the most intelligent eyes. There are two little nostrils on top of his beak. While showering, I have carefully examined him. When the shower spray covers him, he sneezes! His eyes blink and he is totally delighted with being wet. Tiki cannot go more than a day or two without getting wet. Even in the winter, I will sometimes find him shivering after climbing into his water dish!

Even when his feathers are wet, Tiki is still quite exquisite. He fascinates me! Just as a parent would marvel at a healthy child, I have marveled at our healthy bird. I learned that when birds are unhappy, they pull out their feathers. Thankfully, Tiki has beautiful feathers!

Tiki can feel my stress. When I am stressed, he will not go onto my fingers. I find that very interesting. Most days, I do not have time to visit with him. He is a mess-maker and I have grown tired of the messy poops he has bestowed upon my life. My daughter used to be horrified to see bird poop on my shoulder, especially when I was driving carpool. I used to take him on car rides, but I didn’t have a seatbelt for him!

Sometimes, Tiki joins us at meals, although it isn’t much fun for anyone except my older son and myself. Tiki is very noisy. Our new pet member, Killer, yaps at Tiki – he is such a jealous puppy! The din can be quite overpowering, to say the least!

On most days, I leave Tiki’s cage outside. When I look outside I would describe it as a “Bambi Land.” Tiki doesn’t like his pellets, which are far healthier for him. He will angrily toss the pellets to the ground outside his cage to make his point. Soon squirrels and wild birds surround his cage. Even our puppy will eat what is on the ground. That is why I’ve named it “Bambi Land!”

I never expected that this bird would love me so much. I realize now that there was a lesson for me about courage and making friends with this cantankerous creature. I still remember that very first day when he bit me on my ear.

I am amazed that I was such a courageous woman!

Bird Paradise – the shower!

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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