On October 6th, 2022, it will be 30 years since my 5-year-old son Jason died. For this looming “30 year anniversary of the heart,” I read from my book on Insight Timer’s Live platform. It was very emotional.

Even though it’s been three decades, I kept my promise to Jason. At his funeral I tearfully announced, “I will keep his memory alive!” Jason is very much a part of my music and songs. When I sing, I feel spiritually connected to him.

I have a box in my closet that is filled with memorabilia about Jason. I plan to pull it out again this week. In 2010, I carefully sifted through that box before writing a gut-wrenching story describing how it felt to lose my child. In 2018, I self-published a book with that story and named it “Beside Me Always.” (I am much more attached to the audio version, which I recorded myself several times before hiring a professional reader.)

I believe that writing released so much of my pain. Not long afterwards. I started healing. Then I picked up my guitar, which I hadn’t played for decades, and began to sing again. The first song I played was my song “Beside Me Always.”

Clicking on this image leads to where it can be purchased on Amazon.

A few months ago, I attended a funeral at the cemetery where Jason is buried. I went to visit his grave and was in awe when I thought about how much has happened since he died. But I felt like Jason wasn’t really gone.

For these three decades, he has surrounded me with his love.

Jason’s artwork. He emphasized his heart and looks like an angel.


About Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!
This entry was posted in Healing and Hope, Insight Timer and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to BESIDE ME ALWAYS – PART 5

  1. Oh, Judy, I was too emotional to reply to you sooner. Time cannot take away our deepest love. It’s been 30 years for your son and 3 years for my mom. It’s the love and feelings that we both understand and that will never fade.

    Yours sincerely,

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy says:

      Oh, SoundEagle, your words are touching and very much appreciated. I am sorry about your beloved mom. Three years isn’t long and is understandably still raw. My mom was my best friend and I miss and think about her every day. Love can never fade, as you said so beautifully.


      Liked by 1 person

      • Dear Judy,

        Thank you very much for your kind words. I am back here and would like to resonate with the spirit of your love for Jason with my following musical composition entitled “I’ll Always Be With You“:

        Please enjoy the sonic experience of my resonating and being with you and Jason.

        Wishing you a productive November doing or enjoying whatever that satisfies you the most, whether intellectually, musically or spiritually!

        Yours sincerely,


  2. Belinda O says:

    Judy, this is painful and beautiful. I’ve used my blog to heal from a difficult time in my life, so I know how writing can help us. Plus, you have your music. Jason was adorable–I’m glad you have his box to remember him by, as challenging as it may be to go through it. Love to you as you mark this milestone ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ann Coleman says:

    I’m in tears….your boy was so beautiful, and your song, “Beside me Always” is so poignant. I can’t imagine how hard losing a son must have been, especially so young. I’m so glad you found healing in your music, and that you really do feel him with you to this day. He IS with you, and the love between the two of you is so apparent in this post. I know this is a difficult anniversary for you, and I thank you for sharing it with us. Peace to you…..

    Liked by 2 people

    • Judy says:

      Oh, Ann, I am really touched by what you wrote. Thank you!
      As the years go by, there was a realization for me that the pain wasn’t only on an anniversary day. And eventually, those days weren’t painful like they once were. I want to mark this anniversary, not because of pain,- but because I feel love and want to remember him. Reading his story is tough, but also brings back the memories.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. kegarland says:

    First, I’m sending you some love, Judy ❤ I hope you were able to successfully read the other night.

    I believe our loved ones can be with us in many ways, especially if we continue to honor them in ways near and dear to our hearts. What you've done is miraculous and I'm sure you've helped others with similar experiences.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh Judy, this post is emotional beyond words, a beautiful tribute to Jason. I don’t know how I missed your last few posts as well as his death anniversary. What a beautiful child and precious artwork and memories full of life and love. (I’m literally playing your music in the background as I write this comment!) xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    • Judy says:

      It’s wonderful to hear from you, Cathy. Thank you for your caring words. Sadly, you know all too well about this heartbreak. It has been 30 years and I’m glad I was able to honor his memory. 💔❤️

      Liked by 1 person

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s