I’M SOARING FREE

 Okay, it’s not another bird image – but it is a “Bird of Paradise” plant. I created this image by extracting it from a larger painting, which is at the end of this post.

Okay, it’s not a bird image – but it is a “Bird of Paradise” plant. I created this image by extracting it from a larger painting, which is at the end of this post.

My post title is a lyric line from the song I’m currently working on, which is named “My Dream.” Last week, I realized how much my song’s lyrics have helped me with the words of:

One day I’ll face, the world’s embrace

and the message I’ll bring with joy when I sing

I want to sing with complete joy and do foresee that happening. Waiting to sell, promote and perform until then is fine for me.

The faith that I have in healing is what this all means. It represents “the hope that helps me to cope,” which are also lyrics in my song. Of course, I want to feel better with my current eye problem. I sink into a dark depression when I imagine myself living with it for the rest of my life.

It is my dream that puts a smile back on my face.

helping me cope

Even though my eyes hurt, over the past week my mood was better overall. I have to wait another six weeks before seeing the dry eye specialist who will determine if my current regimen of medications are working. It is hard for me to be patient, but I have little choice.

A few weeks ago, I began using a testosterone compound cream on my eyelids twice a day. I have also been on hormone replacement therapy now for about two months.

This next line is embarrassing, but I share what my daughter said to me. She said, “Mom, if you are taking hormones – stop right now! There is no pill in the world worth having a period for!”

Yes, four years after I stopped having a period, I’ve had to go out and buy those “time of the month” items again. Unfortunately, there’s no cycle to plan on – it’s intermittent and annoying. But I have noticed my facial hair has unmistakably diminished!

This is a picture from the speaking convention I went to with my friend Joni two weeks ago.

This is a picture from the speaking convention I went to with my friend, Joni two weeks ago.

This past week, when I came to my hypnotherapy session I shared with Connie a new story I wrote using a songbird as my metaphor. I’ve written about a songbird before, but my new story continues and relates to my current situation.


I know it is detached writing (using third person) – but I love writing in parables because it expresses my feelings in such a beautiful way.

The songbird in my story had lived in a cage for most of her life. She finally freed herself, but the irony was that she had broken wings and couldn’t fly.

But even when she couldn’t fly, she always imagined herself soaring free. That ties into my song “My Dream” once again.

As I read my story to Connie I was tearful. When I finished, I told her I was determined to overcome my physical pain and depression. Thankfully, I had music and writing with which to comfort myself.

Eagle at Sunrise

I went to lie down on the chair for hypnosis. I was open to anything that would help me feel better. As I drifted off into a hypnotic trance, I heard Connie’s voice speaking to me softly.

She gently said, “Positive and negative thinking – those are opposites and maybe there could be another way of thinking.”

My ears perked up. I often saw things in black and white and my mother always seemed to have clear ideas about what was right and wrong when I was growing up.

For so many years, I worked so hard to counter my former husband’s pessimism with my optimism. And that was the same pattern I remembered my parents having. In the present, I was constantly trying to counter my oldest son’s pessimism; he was so much like my ex-husband!

Connie and I found an alternative – a single word. It was “empower.”

I liked that a lot! Lately, searching to stay positive had felt frustrating. With depression I felt like a failure for not embracing more positive thoughts.

Instead of trying to turn negative thoughts into positive ones, I would search for ways to empower myself, to find strength. I could help my oldest son find ways to empower himself, too.

Judy & Joni with blowing hair

There was an experience over the past week that had really affected me. It was an excellent opportunity for me to apply the concept of empowerment.

While still under hypnosis, I murmured to Connie that I wanted to share something with her. With a lot of emotion, I began to slowly speak.

I was blessed with a wonderful friend named Joni. She was so caring and we had known each other since we were young children. When I attended the speaker’s conference two weeks ago, it was because of her encouragement. 

Joni had become a licensed massage therapist a few years ago. She loved her new career and had recently discovered the benefits of aromatherapy oils. While we were together, Joni told me she wanted to give me this new type of massage treatment she was so excited about.

She told me she would come over one day to see if a treatment with those oils would help relax me. I wasn’t going to turn her down.

This picture was taken when Joni came to visit me at the recording studio where I sing my vocals.

This picture was taken when Joni came to visit me at the recording studio where I sing my vocals.

A few days after we came home from the conference, Joni came over to my home in her masseuse uniform. She told me that this process was not actually a massage, just an application.

There were about seven different vials of aromatherapy oils. She first opened each one to let me smell them – the aromas were powerful and intoxicating. They were very different from typical perfumes.

I took off my blouse and my bra and lay face down on my bed. Joni gently applied the unique oils. Each one was applied differently and the process took approximately five minutes per vial. It was heavenly!

I was very relaxed and especially appreciated her gentle touch upon my back and shoulders.

The next day, my mood was lighter and I couldn’t wait to call and thank my good friend.

But when I talked about this experience with Connie, I shared how Joni was probably not even aware that I was crying. Unfortunately, I had gone to a very sad place with my enjoyment.

It was because I realized how seldom I was ever touched and it overwhelmed me to know how much I missed it.

I was very emotional and said, “I felt so sad. I hated knowing how long I’ve lived without being touched, without affection.”

I swallowed my tears and concentrated. I didn’t want to have such a positive experience become negative, nor fault myself for my sadness. This was such a perfect opportunity for me to find empowerment.

Rose Solo

My eyes were closed but I grinned and said, “I guess if I enjoy the experience of being touched then I think I’ll need to get massages more often!”

I went from crying to chuckling with that thought.

– 

I recently found this picture taken when Joni visited me. It is from six years ago and so much has changed because I’m divorced and both my parents are gone.

I recently found this picture taken when Joni visited me. It is from six years ago and so much has changed because I’m divorced and both my parents are gone.

Before she awakened me from hypnosis, Connie asked me to find one more empowering thought I could leave with.

I blurted out, “I’m free!”

That was really an amazing statement. Not only did it represent that I could shape my own destiny, but it held another meaning for me.

I love to freely share and am not selling anything yet – until I decide to.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t think I’m valuable.

I may be stressed

3n‰

© 2014 Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!
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2 Responses to I’M SOARING FREE

  1. tersiaburger says:

    I wish I could take away the sadness in your life. Much love dear friend

    Like

    • Judy says:

      Thank you, Tersia. I know how deeply you are grieving Vicky – your words mean a lot to me. i dislike having a physical problem, but because of my music I’m usually comforted and uplifted. I’m not sad like I was grieving Jason for many, many years. I pray it will get easier for you someday. It really doesn’t go away, but it does become more bearable. Love you.

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