This was a picture taken in May at one of my first lessons.
This post is about my ultimate break up song “The Unknown,” which was written before the end of my 31-year marriage. However, my post title is from my first break up song named YOU’RE NOT THE ONE.
My song, “The Unknown” was evolving. As much as I wanted to record it with George, I had the clarity to know that improvements cannot be rushed. My song most definitely improved with some adjustments.
I decided that I could play it at Kulak’s – I might not be 100% sure on all the lyrics, but it was close.
Just to be honest; my mother still has the acuity and certainly is aware of our love. I also know the memory of it is not far off. That is because I tend to anticipate and project where things are heading. I know my words touch on something that many people can relate to.
Last night while performing at Border’s, I celebrated that I was able to play my guitar the entire hour without numbness.
I could play for my audience or for myself. My audience looked to be mostly people in the store reading; I didn’t have the feeling that anyone was there specifically to hear my music. I treated myself to playing all of my own songs. I only played two cover songs at the very end. I decided to indulge myself since I’d missed playing my guitar this week.
Then it happened again at 4 a.m. I woke up and my hands had that familiar tingling sensation.
It would start with that, and then my fingers would feel like bursting balloons, throbbing with intense pain.
I could hear Connie’s voice in my head, “Acknowledging that your subconscious is telling you something through a symptom in your body is not enough to make it go away.” There was work that needed to be done around that
I had not yet begun to do the work, for sure. It wasn’t easy for me to accept the concept that my body was afflicting me through subconscious thoughts. I always liked the idea that I am totally in control and “captain of my ship!”
As my fingers tingled, I remembered that I needed to treat my hands lovingly – that much I remembered from my last session. I was ready to jump up if the pain got worse. However, I started a dialog with my own hands – it was bizarre!
I said, “Hands – I love you; I need you! I am sorry if I’ve overworked you at times. Please know how much I appreciate you. I know that numbness is familiar and I accept that.” I stroked my own arms.
The tingling continued, however, there was no pain. I became even more relaxed. I repeated all of this many times throughout my morning. Without the braces on at night, I didn’t feel the crippling, stiffness in the morning. That symptom worried me the most. I wore the braces to cope with the pain – I was elated that the pain was kept at bay!
Tingling was manageable and pain was not.
Imagery is a powerful tool. I have learned that through hypnotherapy.
It started with the lion in the cage (the braces) as a way to describe the manifestation of my pain.
The other day I, I imagined myself with a whip while I squeezed my wrists with extreme pressure to combat the excruciating pain. It was helpful to do that, but still it was painful. I see this image as my way of needing to be in control
Today my image changed. The lion became a kitten. The tingling was like purring. And this time I listened.
I stroked my hands and understood.
Below are my scrawled ideas for lyric development that went into creating my new song. I am sharing a window into my soul as a songwriter.
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