THE PAIN YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO BEAR

This was a picture taken in May at one of my first lessons.

My song was evolving. As much as I wanted to record it with George, I had the clarity to know that improvements cannot be rushed. My song most definitely improved with some adjustments.

I decided that I could play it at Kulak’s – I might not be 100% sure on all the lyrics, but it was close.

Just to be honest; my mother still has the acuity and certainly is aware of our love. I also know the memory of it is not far off. That is because I tend to anticipate and project where things are heading. I know my words touch on something that many people can relate to.

Last night while performing at Border’s, I celebrated that I was able to play my guitar the entire hour without numbness.

I could play for my audience or for myself. My audience looked to be mostly people in the store reading; I didn’t have the feeling that anyone was there specifically to hear my music. I treated myself to playing all of my own songs. I only played two cover songs at the very end. I decided to indulge myself since I’d missed playing my guitar this week.

Then it happened again at 4 a.m. I woke up and my hands had that familiar tingling sensation.

It would start with that, and then my fingers would feel like bursting balloons, throbbing with intense pain.

I could hear Connie’s voice in my head, “Acknowledging that your subconscious is telling you something through a symptom in your body is not enough to make it go away.” There was work that needed to be done around that

I had not yet begun to do the work, for sure. It wasn’t easy for me to accept the concept that my body was afflicting me through subconscious thoughts. I always liked the idea that I am totally in control and “captain of my ship!”

As my fingers tingled, I remembered that I needed to treat my hands lovingly – that much I remembered from my last session. I was ready to jump up if the pain got worse. However, I started a dialog with my own hands – it was bizarre!

I said, “Hands – I love you; I need you! I am sorry if I’ve overworked you at times. Please know how much I appreciate you. I know that numbness is familiar and I accept that.” I stroked my own arms.

The tingling continued, however, there was no pain. I became even more relaxed. I repeated all of this many times throughout my morning. Without the braces on at night, I didn’t feel the crippling, stiffness in the morning. That symptom worried me the most. I wore the braces to cope with the pain – I was elated that the pain was kept at bay!

Tingling was manageable and pain was not.

Imagery is a powerful tool. I have learned that through hypnotherapy.

It started with the lion in the cage (the braces) as a way to describe the manifestation of my pain.

The other day I, I imagined myself with a whip while I squeezed my wrists with extreme pressure to combat the excruciating pain. It was helpful to do that, but still it was painful. I see this image as my way of needing to be in control

Today my image changed. The lion became a kitten. The tingling was like purring. And this time I listened.

I stroked my hands and understood.

9/27/10 PEACHES LESSON A

9/27/10 PEACHES LESSON B

Below are my scrawled ideas for lyric development that went into creating my new song. I am sharing a window into my soul as a songwriter.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!
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