IN EVERY SMILE – PART 2

Posted on March 19, 2024 by Judy

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I wrote “In Every Smile” for my children in 2015. I wanted them to know that when I was gone – it was okay to cry and grieve. I hoped they would cherish smiles and laughter, and that  my love would continue to comfort them.

I simply loved creating my new arrangement for “In Every Smile.” I have a wonderful piano arranger named Devin, whom I work with remotely. His ideas for instrumentation are gorgeous and I put all the parts and sounds together. Prior to our session, I record hours of guitar and vocals, which are tightly edited and ready to work with.

The beauty of this song was a spiritual gift to my life during a very stressful period. However, I didn’t want this post to be my laundry list of challenges. Instead, I prefer to focus on the beautiful ways my song soothed me.

My first trial began during my Tuesday doubles tennis game. I lost balance while stepping backwards and landed on my butt. But then, I tipped backwards to the pavement and my head thumped against the concrete.

My terrified friends ran over to where I lay spreadeagled on the ground. As they pulled me up, I talked the whole time to reassure them I was okay.

I had a few aches and pains, but my mind was clear. After about twenty minutes, I drove home with a big bag of ice behind my head. I waited to see if I had any concussion symptoms like headache or nausea – but there were none. I was extremely lucky!

 Unfortunately, my luck did not continue.

A week earlier, I had gotten a new crown. The temporary really bothered me and I had hoped the final crown would alleviate that. But two days after my tennis court tumble, a horrible throbbing pain traveled through my tooth. It pierced my jaw and traveled up to my ear. I couldn’t sleep and went to my dentist for an emergency visit the next day.

I was put on an antibiotic and five days later my tooth still was aching. It was slightly better, but I went to the dentist again and a different antibiotic was prescribed. After only two doses a strange rash began on my thigh. I called the dentist and was told to stop the medicine.

I was so excited to work with Devin that morning. I noticed after our Zoom session that my head felt terribly itchy. I nonchalantly scratched my scalp over and over. I reached for a back scratcher, which was always handy to have. I stayed up very late to create a first mix of my new arrangement, and then I saved it to my phone.

I couldn’t sleep that night as an intense allergic reaction took hold. Red bumps appeared all over my body. First thing in the morning, I drove to Urgent Care.

They had just opened, and there were already 20 people in line. I did not feel well at all and wondered how long I would be able to stand. As a nurse walked by, I asked if it were possible to put a chair in the hallway where I was waiting. She said it would be a fire hazard and wasn’t allowed.

And then an older man in front of me turned and told me to go sit in the waiting area. He said he would hold my spot and let me know when it was my turn. I thanked him and gratefully sat down and put my head in my hands.

Finally, this kind man signaled me. With a smile, he even motioned for me to go ahead of him. I was so grateful!

Now that I was officially checked in, I had to wait to be called for triage. The minutes ticked by and I began to worry about whether I might be having anaphylactic shock. My throat suddenly started to tighten and I had a gagging sensation. Was this real or panic?

I had already asked two nurses walking by to check on when I might be called. Maybe they had called me and I didn’t hear it. I stood up and went to the front desk. When I told the receptionist that I was in distress, she recommended I go to the ER.

I practically ran out of the building. Once I arrived at the ER, I was quickly checked and told my oxygen was adequate. I was sent back to the waiting room. I still felt like the back of my tongue was thick and I worked on staying calm until I was called

I was monitored in the ER for about five hours. I tried to tune out the yelling in the room next door. They gave me a steroid and told me I’d feel better in a few hours.

I had a wonderful nurse. She felt badly that she couldn’t bring me a snack when I told her I was hungry. The vending machine was empty. It was 2 pm. and she said they were discharging me soon.

When it was time to leave, the nurse went over the medication instructions and asked if I needed anything else.

I grinned and said, “Oh, I’d love to have my back scratched!”

I was so surprised when she smiled and said, “Sure, I can do that!”

With her gloved hand, she gently rubbed my back for a few minutes. It was heavenly and my eyes filled with tears.

It was a beautiful sunny day and I felt grateful to be outside. On my way to the pharmacy, I stopped at my favorite coffee booth to treat myself after such a tough morning. The man at the counter remembered me. This was the result of many recent doctor appointments, for sure.

He smiled broadly and asked me how my day was going. I smiled back and felt better, even though my face was quite red and blotchy.

Finally, I was in my car and ready to drive home. I was eager to listen to my newest arrangement mix from the night before. While driving, I would make a mental note of adjustments I planned to make.

It was now rush hour with a lot of traffic. I still felt so itchy, but eventually I’d be home where I could curl up and hide.

Many times, I picture a wall that my emotions run into. I feel them, but they cannot penetrate that barrier. And then there are those other times, when the feelings spill over – and they’re unstoppable.

As I listened to my beautiful song, I felt powerfully moved and began to cry. I could feel pressure in my eyes as the tears spilled forth.

It was then at that moment, when I felt my parents right there with me. With every tear that splashed down my cheeks, I could sense their presence.

“See me in every smile . . .”

There were so many smiles during my day that proved this. Their love was all around me!

It was there when that older man smiled and told me he would save my spot in line.

It happened when the nurse chuckled and gently rubbed my back.

I even felt cared about by the man at the coffee booth – when he smiled and asked me how my day was going.

And throughout the day, so many dear friends wrote me concerned messages. My younger son even offered to drive 30 minutes to bring me lunch. I was surrounded by love!

My revelation continued when I heard Jason speaking to me with these lyrics:

“Remember the warmth – your heart next to mine. I’ll still be hugging you in warm sunshine.”

I wrote my book “Beside Me Always” shortly before I rediscovered my music in 2010. Jason died of a congenital heart defect at the age of 5 in 1992. In my book, I wrote a distinct passage that addressed his “heart next to mine.”

“The anticipation of Jason’s surgery weighed heavily upon me. I swallowed my fear as I helped my little boy go to sleep every night. He was small and would lie across my chest. I could feel his heart beating next to mine, and I would marvel at his survival. I tenderly examined each freckle on his lovely face. He was my existence and I treasured our time together. But deep down, I knew it could not last.”

I allowed my tears to flow and my beautiful music filled me up completely. Every word resonated. It was such a spiritual moment.

My trials would continue. The allergic rash was miserable. I had to go back for a root canal and possibly a tooth extraction.

But I was surrounded by love and music was my true medicine.

Link to more about this song: IN EVERY SMILE

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IN EVERY SMILE

Copyright 2017 by Judy Unger

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One day I’ll be gone, but love cannot leave

I’ll be right there beside you, can you believe?

if you’re crying ‘cause you miss me

and feel you’ve lost your way

You know what I’d say . . .

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See me in every smile; it’s okay to cry awhile

But smiling can lift you up

Feel me with love you share; in your heart I’m there

I’m not really gone when my love lives on

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Remember the warmth, your heart next to mine

I’ll still be hugging you in warm sunshine

When storm clouds overtake you

and everything seems gray

You know what I’d say . . .

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See me in every smile; it’s okay to cry awhile

But laughter can lift you up

Feel me with every touch; I loved you so much

I’m not really gone when my love lives on

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You might be scared and think you’re alone

Let my light surround you, the love you’ve known

From the moment I first held you until I had to go,

I hope you know

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See me in every smile; it’s okay to cry awhile

But my love can lift you up

Feel me with love you share; in your heart I’m there

I’m not really gone when my love lives on

When my love lives on

–

Butterfly Fantasy 1

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Sharing my joy!

Posted on February 7, 2024 by Judy
Song Sheet Only Tears
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TAKE MY HAND – PART 2

Posted on November 21, 2023 by Judy

For lyrics and other recordings of this song: TAKE MY HAND

It was such a joy performing my newest song “Take My Hand” at Kulak’s Woodshed last week. It was my first time back playing Twofer night after three and a half years.

I played my song solo first, and then I collaborated with my friend, Bill Doty. His piano and harmony took my song to another level!

Lately, the three words “take my hand” have become my theme song.

For most of this year, anticipating my daughter’s wedding enveloped my life. Time marched quickly to the event. I was so fortunate that my dear friend, Janis, accompanied me to the wedding as my support. She took my hand and joined me, despite leaving behind a very busy schedule.

My daughter was a gorgeous bride and her husband took her hand in marriage! The day was indescribable. I made her a necklace from my mother’s wedding ring and my parents’ love shined from it that day. It’s visible in the photo below. (I’ll share more wedding photos at the end of this post).

It was also very heartwarming to have my children with me. I was able to cordially catch up with my ex-husband, whom I hadn’t seen in nine years.

The entire wedding weekend quickly blurred into the background when I returned. The day after I came home, I became very sick and tested positive for Covid. I struggled for well over a month with a terrible cough and a severe sinus infection. I was miserable and even though I couldn’t sing, I performed guitar instrumentals weekly on Insight Timer.

All my birthday plans were cancelled. Once I was better, I was able to enjoy seeing good friends and each one lifted my spirits.

This is one of many special gifts from my friend, Marge. “Hope” is the perfect word, and I love to infuse it in my music.

During my Covid hibernation, one friend especially stood out and “took my hand.” Her name was Stacey and we’d known each other a long time. I can still picture her in my elementary school classes. I hadn’t really known Stacey after elementary school, but we had followed each other on Facebook for over a decade.Five years ago, I introduced Stacey and her husband, Bill to the Kulak’s Woodshed open mics. Bill was a terrific singer and pianist and he often performed when I did.

In 2019, Stacey and Bill picked me up and drove me to Kulak’s as I recovered from a broken ankle. I performed in my wheelchair during that difficult time.

In this picture, I’m sitting in a wheelchair outside of Kulak’s.

When I was struggling during Covid, Stacey texted every morning and afternoon to check on me. Her concern and support really kept me going.

I had no birthday plan and Stacey insisted on making a special brunch for me. I said, “Aren’t you worried about catching it?” She said me she was fine with seeing me, since I had already been sick over a week.

Attending that birthday brunch lifted my spirits and my eyes water just thinking about it.

This gift from Stacey is one of my favorite mantras. She has a matching one that says, “Less is more,” which also happens to be one of my favorite sayings!

Reconnecting with Stacey and Bill added a new element of joy into my life. Not only did I have a new friendship to explore and enjoy, but then came my collaboration with Bill.

Bill told me he had decided to skip going back to Kulak’s. Then I asked him if he’d like to collaborate on my newest song “Take My Hand.”

He agreed and the following week I came to their home for brunch again with my guitar in hand. Many more weeks followed that. I found myself looking forward to Saturdays!

Practicing with Bill.

And with every brunch, my friendship with Stacey deepened. We discovered so many parallels in our lives. Our ex-husband’s had the same name. We had similar struggles with our sons when they were in school.

Stacey told me she wished we had reconnected sooner. During the Pandemic, she fell into a deep depression and friendship had not been on her radar for years.

I told her that perhaps this was exactly the best moment for us to enjoy our budding friendship. It was the perfect time!

Since my recent Covid bout, it was definitely a challenge to sing. But just in time for this open mic performance, my voice rebounded.

Performing at Kulak’s was a culmination of my forging onward this year, despite struggles. After I fell off an electric scooter in April, I was in terrible pain and hand therapy occupied a lot of energy after that.

How beautiful it was that I could reach out for hope. Music took my hand when this new song flowed from my heart!

I continue to immerse myself in creating music and art – following my dream of doing what I love.

An example of one of my “mazes in progress.” I hope to publish a maze book next year.

I have made many wonderful new friends because of my sharing. By engaging in watercolor groups, I’ve connected to lovely artists and even art teachers. And because of my music, I correspond with friends all over the world.

Lately, I’ve received a lot of signposts reminding me that my journey has no destination – it is simply a joyful journey.

With the theme of “take my hand,” so many hands from friends are holding me up now, new and old. I receive love and support in countless ways. They are my family!

But I’m also leading others with my own hands – and lending hope. The most beautiful part about my song is that I am able to hold hands with people I’ve never met.

I end this post with a comment that is probably the most meaningful one I have ever received.

Two years ago, I was in deep depression; there were days I thought I couldn’t get up anymore. I came across your playlist on Insight Timer app and it literally saved my life. Your music kept me up and moving forward – second by second, then minute by minute, then hour by hour, and day by day. Thank you for bringing in joy and light to my life and others, as well.

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TAKE MY HAND – PART 1

Posted on October 4, 2023 by Judy

Every day, worries grow

it’s a challenge, when I’m feeling so low

Emptiness, my despair

all this sorrow is more than I can bear

Lift me up, give me hope

I’m reaching for you

Take my hand, hold me close

Help me make it through

Overwhelmed, feeling stressed

Even though, I know that I am blessed

You’re my light, to lead the way

I close my eyes; softly I pray

I really miss you, though I grieve

Despite your absence, I still believe

You’re in my heart – you’re always there

I hear your voice, answering my prayer

I’ll lift you up – I am your hope, I’m here for you

Take my hand, hold me close

You’ll make it through; you’ll make it through

You’ll make it through

My injured pinky is the one on the right. The laceration is hardly noticeable, but it will probably always be a plumper pinky.

It has been almost six months since I fell and dislocated my right pinky. My finger may never feel “normal” again, however I see my healing as remarkable. My pinky does not limit me in any way. The first hand surgeon told me I would be “forever limited.”

I was elated that I could play my guitar a few days after my fall (off an electric scooter). Even with a splint on, I was able to use my other fingers to play. I called my pinky “my hero,” because it took the fall and spared my other fingers. My injuries could have been devastating.

Currently, I am back on the tennis court and playing well. I have completed several new mazes and paintings.

My two newest paintings.

I began composing “Take My Hand” during the pandemic. It didn’t move me, and I put it aside.

But during the time I was recovering from my fall, I found myself fiddling with that unfinished song. I hadn’t looked at the chords for at least two years.

On that day, I was in a lot of pain. I had hurt a lot of other body parts besides my pinky and hoped I could somehow get through this ordeal quickly. I clutched my guitar and prayed.

And then something miraculous happened.

It was as if someone took my hands – I began to play a new part for my song. The new chords were incredibly beautiful and I played them over and over.

I realized that my song had expanded in a wonderful new direction. The new lyric line that grabbed me the most was “I hear your voice answering my prayer!”

Songwriting has always been incredibly spiritual for me. My prayers were answered!

These lyrics were written over two years ago.

I had many title ideas for my newest song. But the lyrics “take my hand” really called out to me. This title was a perfect way to honor the comfort my song gave me when my hand was throbbing in pain. Maybe what I meant to say was, “Don’t grab my hand too tightly – just heal it for me!”

“Take My Hand” was my first new song in seven years. I contacted my piano arranger, Devin, and he added instrumentation to my guitar tracks. Devin also recorded a solo piano version.

The arrangement for “Take My Hand” had me swooning. I would never tire of listening to it.

A medley of those versions can be heard on Insight Timer by clicking the image below.

“Take My Hand” is definitely a song of healing and hope. I believe that reaching out is courageous. It represents a willingness to trust the person we connect with.

What is truly profound is the contrast. We can reach out to seek comfort and we can reach out to offer comfort. We can reach out to follow (show me the way) and we can reach out to lead (follow me).

Now I’d like to share the many ways I relate to my song:

         Take my hand embodies reaching out for a physical connection.

During the Pandemic, I missed hugs and longed to be held.

          Take my hand represents reaching out to comfort anyone grieving.

Lyrics related to “taking my hand” are in several of my songs. In my song “Hang On” I say these words:

“You have no hope, is this the end? Just take my hand – I’ll be your friend.”

My life’s mission has been to comfort and give hope to anyone grieving. I’ve kept my son’s memory alive this way. Jason lives on through my words and music.

In my song “Angel in the Sky” I express how I will see him again with these words:

“And when I die, you’ll take my hand. My lovely light, just not in sight.”

         Take my hand symbolizes being open.

I am open to helping people I’ve never met and when I am able to comfort them, I feel blessed. I love making new connections and have recently developed some beautiful new friendships because of this.

The flip side is that I am willing to be pulled in new directions. Next month, I am taking an ocean swim with a former classmate I haven’t seen in over 40 years. I am excited about my bravery. The water will be very cold!

        Take my hand epitomizes friendship.

When I was 19, I wrote my song “Never Gone Away” for a dear friend leaving on an extended trip. I expressed my appreciation for her with the lyrics:

“Whenever I was down, your hand was the one holding mine.”

Recently, this same friend told me how grateful she was that I was able to metaphorically take her hand during the difficult period when her mother was dying.

We both continue to support each other, by reaching out and being there during our 40+year friendship.

         Take my hand guided me spiritually.

I allowed myself to express vulnerability by praying. I am so grateful that I made it through the Pandemic. Recovering from my nasty fall became the catalyst for me to finish my song. I am completely in awe of the comfort it has brought me. It was truly a gift from God.

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