This past weekend I wrote a new song. It will be named “Angel in the Sky.”
My new song has caused me to be quite weepy. Lately, I cry easily and my emotional state has been affected by thinking of Tersia, my new friend in the blogosphere and her dying daughter.
I have no judgment about the tears that birthed this special creation. The process of composing a song is like nothing else and I look forward to sharing it soon.
For several months, I have immersed myself in grief. I read other peoples’ sad words and then I write optimistic messages to them. A few weeks ago, I wrote these words on one of my posts: “I absorbed their pain.”
There was no question that my heart was aching when I wrote that. Was I really helping other people with my optimism or bringing myself back into my former sad world?
I’ve written many times that the amputation of my soul was a permanent condition. And I’ve also said that grief is not recoverable.
Such a contradiction to announce that I have healed!
Last week, I delved into this inner conflict during my hypnotherapy session. I decided that I wasn’t actually absorbing other peoples’ pain. The circumstances of others simply triggered my own grief and sadness. I was drawn to it.
So in order to be more consistent, from now on I am going to say that, “I’m still healing,” instead of saying, “I have healed.”
Grief is a process. It will follow me for the rest of my life.
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