This past weekend I wrote a new song. It will be named “Angel in the Sky.”
My new song has caused me to be quite weepy. Lately, I cry easily and my emotional state has been affected by thinking of Tersia, my new friend in the blogosphere and her dying daughter.
I have no judgment about the tears that birthed this special creation. The process of composing a song is like nothing else and I look forward to sharing it soon.
For several months, I have immersed myself in grief. I read other peoples’ sad words and then I write optimistic messages to them. A few weeks ago, I wrote these words on one of my posts: “I absorbed their pain.”
There was no question that my heart was aching when I wrote that. Was I really helping other people with my optimism or bringing myself back into my former sad world?
I’ve written many times that the amputation of my soul was a permanent condition. And I’ve also said that grief is not recoverable.
Such a contradiction to announce that I have healed!
Last week, I delved into this inner conflict during my hypnotherapy session. I decided that I wasn’t actually absorbing other peoples’ pain. The circumstances of others simply triggered my own grief and sadness. I was drawn to it.
So in order to be more consistent, from now on I am going to say that, “I’m still healing,” instead of saying, “I have healed.”
Grief is a process. It will follow me for the rest of my life.
“When I Close The Door”
I wrote a song named “The Door,” which I have not yet shared. For me, going through a door represents entering, as well as leaving.
My former voice teacher, Peaches Chrenko worked with me for over two years. Peaches moved out-of-state at the same time that I separated and moved. When that door closed, I missed the haven where I once shared my passionate love for music and songwriting. I longed for our laughter and felt sadness closing in on me.
Finally, I decided it was time for me to open a new door. For over a year, I saved the name of a woman whose voice mesmerized me. I knew immediately from the moment I heard her sing that I wanted to learn from her someday.
I have now had three lessons with Kimberly Haynes. She is an inspiring and beautiful person, as well as a wonderful teacher.
I have not recorded any new vocals for five months. When I do begin recording, my voice has improved once again. Over the course of my musical journey, my voice completely changed. I didn’t even know I had a voice after not using it for thirty years!
I would love to share a few exciting concepts that I have already learned from Kimberly.
1. While singing, breathing really shouldn’t be the focus. It is more important to maintain the feeling of staying inflated by not blowing out the air. I learned that I could sing resonant and super high notes without using any air at all.
2. Although vocalizing comes out of the mouth, the sound is not good when it’s blown outside of the mouth. It is the chamber in the back of the vocal chords that creates a beautiful sound. Inspiration and a feeling of ah (and awe) are helpful to achieve the proper placement. Vowels should be general and not strongly pronounced
3. The two components to the voice are: red voice and blue voice. Red voice has the fullness of the vocal chords and a “meatier” sound. I have never used my red voice. Blue voice is breathy and has a lot air because it uses a higher ratio of air to vocal chords.
The goal is to achieve a seamless transition between those two voices, and to master them for effects and a full sound.
My blossoming friendship with Kimberly is very touching. I am grateful that I opened a new door in my life.
My passion for music and songwriting continues.
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