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The nurse was close to my ear. She whispered, “It’s over! You can wake up now.”
I felt overwhelmed with relief. I could hardly believe it hadn’t hurt at all. For that, I was so thankful.
As the nurse wheeled me back to the recovery area she said, “They saw your problem. The doctor will talk with you about it soon.”
Once again I was waiting. But it was a lot different from earlier that morning.
I had been prepped for my endoscopy procedure. The gurney wasn’t too uncomfortable; I was glad my IV stopped stinging. I had a sheet covering me but was still a little cold.
I stared at the clock on the wall. It was 8:45 and my procedure was scheduled for 8:30.
The hands swept around the clock. I noticed that time was so interesting while I was watching a clock. Soon it was 9:00 a.m.; then it was 9:15.
The nurse said, “You’ll be next. The patient before you must have had some complications because it’s taking a little longer.”
I would hear doors swing open and my heart would pound because I thought it was my turn. But as the hands on the clock kept sweeping around and around, I ran out of adrenaline.
It wasn’t until 10:15 when several people surrounded my bed to push me to the room where the procedure would be done.
I had waited ninety minutes with nothing to do but look at a clock.
But the truth was that I was doing something the whole time. I was composing in my head!
My new instrumental song was so soothing. I tried to imagine lyrics for it, but nothing formed. The music alone was so beautiful and expressed exactly how I felt.
The doctor was making very quick rounds. I heard him talking to patients in the beds near me. Now it was my turn. He said quickly, “I’m sending you home with medicine and want you to repeat this test in 6 months. Your esophagus was extremely irritated; you have esophagitis. I did a biopsy and you’ll hear back within 10 days.”
I went home and looked up esophagitis. It had many causes; allergy was listed as a suspect and even candida yeast. The gastroenterologist determined that my condition was caused by acid reflux.
I started taking the medicines I was given, which were acid blockers. My heartburn went away and my cough lessened, but I still couldn’t sing very well. I had a lot of questions, but decided I would wait until the biopsy came back.
Unfortunately, I just wasn’t feeling well and the day after my procedure, I went to Urgent Care. I was told I had an ear infection and was given another round of antibiotics (my doctor had treated me with them for my cough a month earlier.)
For another week my ears continued to bother me; I had strange sensations inside of them.
The biopsy came back and I was told there was no sign of any cancer. I was relieved, yet I felt guilty that I wasn’t completely overjoyed. Instead, I was depressed and felt like crying all the time.
I missed singing more than I realized; it was going on three months now.
Even though I wasn’t my usual upbeat self, I decided I could still perform without singing. My new “healing song” played through my life and kept me inspired.
I showed up at Kulak Woodshed’s Open Mic and introduced new song by saying it was my “Healing Song.”
It was exactly what I needed during a challenging time.