MY DOUBT IS SOMETHING I CANNOT DENY

Melody in darkness

My newest song is dedicated to many special people in my life. At this moment, I am praying for my friend, Magda G. who suffers dreadfully with multiple sclerosis and for Marilyn B. who is my inspiration as she fights multiple myeloma.

“Wondering”

Lately, I’ve found myself questioning so many things. The song that I originally named “Hoping” definitely has shifted to a song that could be named “Doubting.”

At this time, I’m planning to name my song “I Wonder” or “I Wonder Why.”

The arrangement for it is so captivating that I hear it all through my day. I have been finalizing the lyrics and practicing the guitar that I’ll be adding to it.

Below is a karaoke version. Because I love the song so much, I’m willing to share my song “in progress.”

Click the blue link to play audio:

I WONDER WHY Karaoke – Copyright 2014 by Judy Unger

searching for answers

I love the word wonder. Wondering is a form of questioning that expresses my feelings in a beautiful way.

As I pose my question to God, I’m also in awe, which is another meaning for the word wonder. Many of the definitions for wonder are uplifting. A word listed as opposite of wonder happens to be fear.

Wonder synonyms

When I first began writing my song, God was only implied. On this second recording, I actually allowed myself to say the word. As I grappled with how to phrase my question about suffering, I started out with: “I try to understand why.”

I didn’t like the way those words fell off my tongue. Later on, it felt a lot better to sing, “I wonder why.”

But I found some insight from those first words. I realized that my search was not for any particular answer to the question of “why?” It was simply a search for understanding!

It turned out that by sharing my new song with people who appreciated it, I found tremendous understanding. I was elated because my song once again helped to heal me while touching other people at the same time.

Melody in the mountains

Whenever I’ve found understanding, I’ve felt comforted. Recently I joined a support group for eye pain and I’ve already made a new friend.

I often participate in a grief forum on the Internet. Initially, it was to offer helpful words because I have lived a long time with grief. It has been 22 years since I lost my first-born son at the age of five.

But then I found comfort from fellow members after the recent deaths of my parents. Only a few days ago, someone asked this question: “I attended my first grief group tonight. I’m not exactly sure what to make of it. Has anyone or does anyone attend support group meetings?”

I replied:

For me, every meeting was different. Sometimes it was upsetting when one person monopolized the meeting or it went too late. But dealing with grief in that setting helped me a lot. My goal was to find another person whose situation seemed similar. After going to many grief meetings in different places I formed connections that I still have over 20 years later. All of my friends in grief grew to know my dead child whom they had never met. And I knew their children well.

These friends replaced the people in my life who could not understand grief. I leaned on them and it really helped to hold hands with people who were in the same place I was. Glad that you wrote. Keep seeking whatever brings you comfort.

Melody in the forest

THE PRINCESS NEEDED TO BELIEVE IN HERSELF

The Princess listened to what God had told her. She needed to believe in herself.

Although the Princess wanted to hold onto faith, doubt seeped into her body from every direction. It would soon be exactly two years since her father had died – she had watched him suffer terribly until he took his last breath. And he had died only two days before the birthday for her dead child.

The terrible pain in her eyes continued to torment her. At her darkest moments she felt like her energy for life was ebbing away with the pain. This was pain she could not accept, nor adjust to.

All of her own anguish only intensified her compassion for the pain and suffering of other people. She now fully realized the horror of what life could hold and it overwhelmed her.

i just can't see

Melody was very worried about the Princess and had been for a long time now. It was very serious because the Princess was giving up hope.

Melody asked God what could be done to help the Princess. God told Melody the best way to help the Princess would be to give her another song. This new song would be so beautiful that it would easily slip into her heart and mind.

Melody wove her magic and the new song’s melody was so gorgeous that the Princess was completely enraptured. God and Melody were relieved to see the Princess quickly writing the words she needed to write. The words flowed forth and the Princess expressed all of her doubts.

The Princess wrote her song for all the sad people whom she felt anguish for. And it was her own pain that fueled those words. She even wrote directly to God for the very first time; usually she hesitated to do that and God was only implied.

I long for belief

She was very moved by her beautiful song but when she shared it, she received some very negative opinions. She was told that it was time for her to stop writing sad songs.

The words that stung her the most were: “No one wants to listen to your song about suffering. If I heard it, I’d turn it off in a second.”

Because the Princess was vulnerable and doubtful, those critical opinions stabbed her heart and instantly destroyed her joy about the new song. She retreated in pain and searched hard to find insight.

The Princess wrote her song in a way that expressed exactly how she felt. Whether or not her song was depressing didn’t matter – she was proud of her honesty.

The Princess decided that this was an opportunity for her to trust and believe in herself.

From above, God and Melody watched the Princess carefully. They were both glad to see the Princess finally understood the belief she needed – the most important belief of all.

The Princess sang her new song over and over. And most surprising was that in spite of her doubts she still thanked God for her song.

Now the Princess felt comforted, and it gave her strength to continue her journey.

my doubt is something I cannot deny

Melody in the tree

wonder 1 wonder 2
© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!
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