I’ve been waiting a long to time to share a drawing I made of a turkey as a child. My father saved a lot of my childhood artwork, which I discovered after his death.

I like my new spelling for Thanksgiving. It’s “thinks giveing!”

Last weekend, I treated my two sons, former housekeeper, her companion and her grandson to a vacation in Las Vegas.

I knew that going away for four days was definitely going to take me out of my “comfort zone.” My eyesight bothered me a lot more when I was outdoors and in unfamiliar territory. But all of this was balanced by both my sons’ enthusiasm to show their former housekeeper, Rosa all the sights. This was Rosa’s first time on a vacation in her life. She had never seen Las Vegas or experienced things like gambling, a show or a buffet.

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Rosa’s grandson, Jason, is my son’s best friend. My brother is in the middle.

For me, creating memories for my children was a tradition taught to me by my own parents. My parents were not wealthy by any means and our vacations were always frugal. However, the memories I have are priceless.

My last family vacation was three years ago. On that last trip, I was consumed with writing song lyrics to my song “The Unknown” and quite miserable during that time.

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When my youngest son mentioned a sweet memory from that vacation (of me swimming in the ocean with him), it gave me a big smile. Despite my misery over deciding to end my marriage, my son had no awareness. He had a wonderful time and memories to always treasure. Hearing his words gave me a better perspective about this Las Vegas weekend.

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In this picture, I’m with my older brother, Norm and sister-in-law, Jo. Norm got me an excellent deal for the hotel room and joined my brood for dinner and a show.

The entire weekend was elevated by my most recent song composition and arrangement of “Rainbow Through My Tears.” It played over and over and I was never tired of hearing it in my mind. Whenever I could, I practiced singing it.–

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Click the blue link below to hear audio of my “karaoke in progress”

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RAINBOW THROUGH MY TEARS Karaoke in Progress

Copyright 2013 by Judy Unger

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Link to song page for “Rainbow Through My Tears” RAINBOW THROUGH MY TEARS

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I saw it as a beautiful and hopeful sign when I caught a glimpse of a rainbow while driving to Las Vegas. Normally, Las Vegas being a desert town gets rain only one day a year on average. Unfortunately, it rained all three days we were there. We were so lucky!

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I allowed myself two brief gambling moments. I savored winning a small amount on my second day. On the third day, I doubled my risk by gambling with my 23-year-old son for the first time. I spent twice as much money (because I gave him my money to gamble with). We both lost. It would have been a lot more fun if at least he could have won something. For myself, I didn’t care because I’m not much of a gambler.

The real payoff came from laying out big bucks at the tables – and they weren’t betting tables either.

Seeing my kids’ beaming eyes at the buffet and restaurant tables was worth everything.

Once again, I was in the familiar place of finding my joy by making those I love happy. Most of the weekend, I was inside my head. I loved dreaming that maybe someday there would be a Judy Unger show in Vegas.

I didn’t necessarily see myself being a glamorous singer, but I have often imagined all of my songs being part of a touching musical. If my family knew my thoughts, I’d be mercilessly teased so I kept it as my own little secret.

The day I came home, I had a show in the evening. I realize that I am not talented at promoting myself; I really hate to bother friends to come and watch me play. I had only two people in the audience that night. But it didn’t matter.

My reason for performing at Kulak’s had everything to do with supporting the venue with a large donation. I loved seeing the post-it notes that Paul Kulak had in front of him in the control room.

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Doing my shows this past month was not only excellent practice for me. It was great information about whether or not I wanted to go in the direction of being a performer.

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After three shows now, I see that performing is something I will be fine with. I had zero nervousness and felt very comfortable speaking and singing. I was confident that there would someday be a large audience wanting to hear what I had to share.–

My post title is a line of lyrics from my song “Rainbow Through My Tears.”

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Right now, there is a lot of stress in my life pouring over me. I know it will clear, but I am continually dodging storms. Trying to make my children happy has taken a toll on me. I haven’t been feeling too great because I’ve been unsuccessful at it. My heart has been heavy.

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Letting go is something I must do on a regular basis. I want to let go of my disappointment and hold on to the many blessings in my life. My high standards and expectations are not helping me at all.

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Last night, I was feeling very down. I had gotten into a fight with one of my children. My stress had reached a point where I was overwhelmed. To escape, I simply kept typing at my computer.

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I was having a hard time concentrating. I could feel my tears building inside and longed to release them. All of a sudden, sobs erupted from me. My tears splashed onto my keyboard. When I stopped, I felt better. It was such a release for me.

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Even though my tears had been raining, I knew it would clear. I never lose hope.

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For me, clearing represents clarity.

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© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.