I am sharing my practice guitar parts before I record my new song with George. I have decided on a preliminary title of “I WANT TO SET YOU FREE.” Okay, this is a first for me. I have interwoven THREE separate guitar tracks in stereo on this first song. I’ll share the lyrics soon. Click the blue links below to play audio.
When I last wrote for my blog a week ago, I was off to the hospital where my father had been transported with a blood infection. Currently, my father has two conditions that require surgery. He will continue to be at high risk for infection until he has surgery to remove two, large kidney stones. His prostate is also severely enlarged. My father is not considered strong enough to have surgery at this time. It certainly is a “catch 22,” since he cannot seem to get stronger to have surgery with his recurrent infections.
Yesterday, he was released from the hospital. He has an appointment with another urologist next week for a second opinion, if he is strong enough to be transported.
My father is very unhappy and is not enjoying life at all. He refuses to speak with my mother and to anyone who calls him on the phone. He says he is not in pain, but it is clear he has detached from everything around him.
I had an interesting discussion with my father. He felt I should not tell my mother when he passes on (if she happens to still be alive). He said it would be best for her not to attend his funeral. My mother misses him and expresses a lot of fear and sadness with her progressing dementia.
In spite of the continued deterioration of my parents, I still feel joyful and my life continues to be magical.
I have been patiently waiting to reconnect with a special editor who has my book in her hands. I still have at least seven hours of audio to record for my book once it is finalized. All of my doubt has gone, and I feel certain I will be successful with my book. This has caused me to enjoy my journey even more.
While I was waiting to hear from this editor, I’ve been deleting anything I’ve written about my children on my blog. I’ve also decided not to number my posts anymore.
My energy and my focus has also gone onto my music. I definitely feel that I am leading a “musical life.” There is truly no way to describe how that feels. It is something I probably experienced when I was much younger, though I do not remember too much about it.
All I know is that my soul is dancing to numerous melodies that play throughout my day.
“The birth of a new song”
I have very much enjoyed improving vocals on many of my older songs. Last week I wrote about my melancholy after recording my song “How We Don’t Care.” I felt Cheryl’s presence and her voice reminded me that it was time for me to fill my “empty space.”
I would describe the empty space as a part of my soul that is reserved for discovering a beautiful song. Initially, it was for “rediscovering” prior compositions, but since those have all been done – now my empty space awaits new inspiring melodies.
With Cheryl’s comforting encouragement, I surprised myself by quickly composing something exquisite. It flowed very easily and the melody was so beautiful that it captivated me.
Comparing the composing of a song to giving birth is an excellent metaphor. As my song develops, it feels as if it is actually growing inside of me. Soon it becomes so large, I cannot contain it and cannot manage to do other things in my life until my song is released. Releasing my song means that the song is finalized and that process is quite emotionally painful.
Once my song is completed, it feels like a new child that I tenderly examine with total awe and amazement. I spend a lot of time learning all the nuances and fine points I can about my song so that it becomes the best it can be.
For this new song, the verses came first. The process was magical and could best be described as a soft hum that became louder and louder. Soon a symphony of chords and notes filled my mind and my heart. I could not concentrate on anything else, nor sing any of my other songs with conviction.
When I composed two, guitar tracks and listened to my song I was filled with complete joy and fulfillment. It took time for the lyrics to settle in for me. Although I am eager to imagine my song beautifully arranged by George, I don’t want to rush and make a mistake I’ve made before of recording it in the wrong key.
I continue to sing the melody over and over to allow it to become finalized for me.
I can share the guitar instrumental that is the basis for this song, but I am saving the lyrics for later on when they are more certain for me.
My lyrics were written when I came home late at night after seeing my father in the hospital. The very first lines to my song are:
You’re hanging on as night turns to dawn
I know you can’t stay and soon you’ll be gone
As my song developed, I generalized it to express feelings I have about how I might feel seeing my children leave when they are grown.
I also remember Jason as I sing my song. I am amazed that I have a new “goodbye song” with a completely different theme than my prior song “Saying Goodbye.”
My new song contains acceptance about the process of seeing someone I love depart.
I believe that is a huge step in my evolution as a human.
Life is all about arrivals and departures.
© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.