myjourneysinsight

WHAT YOU’VE MEANT TO ME – PART 1

Posted on July 21, 2010 by Judy

Clicking the blue links below will play audio:

My post below is prefaced with some audio clips from my voice lesson yesterday with Peaches. I realize I have become more and more focused now on finishing the endeavor I have started, which is recording all of my original songs. My musical passion has taken up all of my energy, and writing for two blogs has become challenging.

I realize also that my audio clips probably sum up exactly where I am. Be aware, that these clips are approximately 8 minutes each. I think I probably should spend more time singing with Peaches and less time talking! However, I’ve been eliminating the “shoulds” in my life, one by one. Talking with Peaches is great fun, and I actually had to cut out at least ten minutes of raucous laughter. Sometimes we’re both lying on the floor in hysterics!

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WHAT YOU’VE MEANT TO ME

You live within my love songs, and the music from my heart

I always sang love to you, right from the very start

Right from the very start

I’ve written a song to tell you I love you

For if something goes wrong, I want you to know

How special you were in my life, in my music

I want you to know what you’ve meant to me

So, I wrote you this song to tell you I need you

For if something goes wrong, I want you to know

That I loved you more than I ever told you

I want you to know what you’ve meant to me

I care for you so tenderly, but you know I am unsure

And afraid to comprehend; any love that might endure

Any love that might endure

I’ve written a song to tell you I love you

For if something goes wrong, I want you to know

How special you were in my life, in my music

I want you to know what you’ve meant to me

So, I wrote you this song to tell you I need you

For if something goes wrong, I want you to know

That I loved you more than I ever told you

I want you to know what you’ve meant to me

What you’ve meant to me, what you’ve meant to me

What you’ve meant to, to me

I want you to know what you’ve meant to me

After sharing so much about pain and friendship, I will move on to love. I have finally recorded one of the three songs that I wrote for my husband.

Before I ever had children, I certainly matured regarding the differences between love and infatuation. It seems like a lifetime ago where it was just my husband and I, without pets. My children would certainly squirm if they read this, however, they don’t read my blog!

Once again, when I look at my diary I laugh at my shallowness of how I viewed romantic love. I have been married close to thirty years, and it is fascinating for me to think of how I came to make such a huge decision to get married. My diary entries were focused on how exciting it was, without any thought to the implications. It was interesting for me to read how I shared the excitement of my engagement first with Cheryl, and later on my parents!

I was definitely very young and immature.

Prior to my engagement, Michael and I went on hiking and motorcycle adventures. My parents would have been horrified had they known that I was on the back of his motorcycle. It was a huge secret that they are still not aware of. Michael used to park far down the block, and I would hide my head on his shoulder with the terror that someone might tell my parents!

Michael and I hiked a lot on our “motorcycle adventures.”

The three songs that I wrote for him were:

What You’ve Meant to Me

Saying Goodbye

Song of Joy

When I play those old love songs I can get very nostalgic.

“What You’ve Meant to Me,” reflected my uncertainty. I was young, fickle, and not ready to be serious with Michael. Not long after I wrote that song, I broke up with him.

After that, I wrote “Saying Goodbye.” I missed him, and channeled my emotion into that song. After being separated for six months, we reunited.

“Song of Joy,” was written for our wedding. It was the last song that I wrote. My wedding song was very complex musically and extremely personal. I don’t feel I could record it the way I wrote it for my wedding. Michael’s name is in the song, so it’s a little embarrassing for me to perform it.

I am planning to rewrite the lyrics of “Song of Joy” to create a more generic wedding song with commercial potential.

As I record my songs over the next few weeks, I will post them to the music page of my blog as well as specific posts to their content.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Tagged acoustic guitar, break up song, breaking up, composing, creativity, engagement, Friendship, guitar, Humor, humor daily life, love and marraige, lovesong, lyric development, lyric writing, lyrics, Music, original songs, performing, romance, singing, songwriting, voice lessons, writing | Leave a comment

HOW I DID CARE

Posted on July 18, 2010 by Judy

The epitome of friendship – Janet, Linda, and Cheryl.

When I sing my songs, I don’t necessarily have the same feelings that prompted me to write them. I think my “themes” are fairly universal. “Beside Me Always” started out as a break-up song. I associate it more with Jason and his presence now.

I am not sure if my readers are as fascinated by the saga of my songwriting as I am. Up until now, I have shared some brief stories about what inspired some of my songs.

Reading my diary to learn about my songwriting has been very insightful for me. Although I’ve felt younger lately, I’ve realized that I am quite a different person than when I wrote those songs. I think I’ve confused joy and “lightness” with youth. That’s fine perhaps. However, it was delving into what prompted me to write songs that brought me to that realization.

I was a sensitive soul and I still am. I spent a lot of my youth chasing friendship and suffering because of it. I have the insight that it wasn’t until I experienced Jason’s death that I learned how unimportant all that was. The pain of loss and bereavement set my course for many years after that. Maturity finally came to me, when I learned what true pain was.

I know my “friendship issues” were painful at the time. However, I was amazed at how much energy I expended. I have no embarrassment because I am not that way anymore.

I loved my friend, Cheryl. She inspired me to write at least five or six songs. I miss her very much, as does her family and other friends. I feel a lot of sadness that she is not alive to share my musical journey with me. Although I reconnected with her (Post #93 I’ll Never Find Another You), we never discussed our rift.

If she were alive now, I think I would have wanted to. There was so much that we both could have learned from it.

Since her family and friends might read what I’ve written, I must make something very clear. Cheryl and I were both human, and she did nothing wrong. My disappointment was about my own insecurities, and not about her failures.

I am sharing these diary pages to illustrate that perhaps friendship is where we learn our first lessons about hurt and disappointment. I still am a sensitive person, however, I finally did find my best friend. It wasn’t my husband.

It was myself.

I haven’t read music in thirty years, and I’m amazed at what I did transcribe. I don’t think it’s 100% correct, though.

Since I am avidly pursuing my music I have decided to take things to another level by sharing my diary and audio from Marge’s tape.

I entitled this post, “How I Did Care.” The following attachments tell the story of my song, “How I Don’t Care.”

And by the way, I still record many songs in my bathroom!

Click the blue links to play audio:

1980 CASSETTE AUDIO DISCUSSING MY SONG “HOW WE DON’T CARE”

I wish I had a written copy of the speech I gave about songwriting and how I came to write my song “How We Don’t Care.” Maybe I will find it someday.

One of the last pictures I have with Cheryl before a long period where we didn’t speak. This picture was taken at Cheryl’s bridal shower in my backyard

Tagged acoustic guitar, childhood friendship, composing, Friendship, friendship rifts, guitar, Humor, inspiration, lack of communication, loss, lyric development, lyric writing, lyrics, Music, Ordinary Life, original songs, performing, singing, songwriting, voice lessons, writing | Leave a comment

YOU’LL HAVE NEVER GONE AWAY

Posted on July 18, 2010 by Judy

A picture of us together on my birthday in October of ’09.

Click the blue link below to hear my song:

AUDIO FROM 7/13 LESSON WITH PEACHES – YOU’LL HAVE NEVER GONE AWAY

Below I am speaking to Marge on a cassette tape from 30 years ago!

AUDIO FROM A 1980 CASSETTE FOR MARGE – PART 1

AUDIO FROM 1980 CASSETTE FOR MARGE – PART 2

I am now taking “opening up” to another level. Up until now, I have shared some of the stories behind my songs.

However, this time I’m going to share on my blog my twenty-year-old voice!

I have an audiotape for my friend, Marge. On it, I share with her about the recent songs I had written. Having those songs recorded helped me to recover them, for which I am grateful. However, I sang those songs in such high keys – it is hard for me to hear my voice that way now!

I met both Cheryl and Marge at the same time.

In July of 1978, I was eighteen years old. I attended a month-long retreat in Simi Valley at a place called The Brandeis-Bardin Institute. It was a wonderful experience. The environment was full of intellectual stimulation, as well as dance and music.

My guitar was part of my identity at that time, and I enjoyed playing music under the stars. It was during a musical workshop where I connected with Marge. She was picked to sing a solo vocal for one of our performances. I remember encouraging her and helping her practice, because she was nervous. We quickly became friends.

Marge was an excellent Israel dancer, and she reciprocated my musical encouragement by teaching me complicated dances. I loved the challenge of learning to dance, in addition to the exquisite music. After the institute ended, I continued dancing at several venues each week. I shared this love of dancing and music with Marge, and several other friends as well.

SInging by flashlight.

Marge performing her solo.

Marge came back in time to be at my wedding where I saw her after she had been gone well over a year.

This was a wonderful time in my life. When Marge left to go to Israel on an extended trip, I knew I would miss her.

When I say on the cassette that it might make her cry, it is not with an inflated ego about my songs moving her. It is about the fact that I interviewed her parents on side two of the tape. I also carried a tape recorder with me to a folk-dancing venue and had many other friends say words to her, as well.

This song stands exactly the same as the day that I wrote it. The words are still true for me, and my friendship with Marge has endured.

It’s Marge’s birthday at the end of this month. I thought it would be a special gift to record the song that I wrote about her; about how much I would miss her for a year.

YOU’LL HAVE NEVER GONE AWAY

It always seems to me, that whenever I was down

your hand was the one holding mine

but your fingers I’ll let go of now; how I long to hold on

you’ll touch so many others while you’re gone

CHORUS:

I know that soon you will leave me

how will I ever say goodbye?

‘cause there’s so much you’ve left me

since I met you one July

and when you’ve left you’ll still be with me

in all the songs I’ll long to play

but every time I see a smile

you’ll have never gone away

you’ll have never gone away . . .

Sometimes I will stop and wonder, exactly how you’re feeling

Perhaps your thoughts will be the same

We’ll remember all our special moments

They’ll run by with a tear; so close, but far apart for a year

CHORUS

Tagged acoustic guitar, Brandeis Bardin Institute, childhood friendship, college memories, composing, creativity, farewell song, Friendship, goodbye song, guitar, inspiration, lovesong, lyric development, lyric writing, lyrics, Music, original songs, performing, singing, songwriting, voice lessons | 1 Comment

MORE THAN YOU KNOW – PART 1

Posted on July 14, 2010 by Judy

Story behind MORE THAN YOU KNOW-PART 2

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I experienced great joy recording my song “More Than You Know” with George. His arrangement was quite beautiful, but when my song was first recorded, I had difficulty maintaining pitch. I didn’t let that discourage me. Later on, I was rewarded by practice, and the day arrived when I was able to easily sing my song the way I wanted to. I wrote “More Than You Know” when I was 19 to express my feelings about two friends who were fading from my life. My original lyrics were composed in present tense and the chorus went:

I just can’t find the words to say, please don’t ever go away

All my life, I hope you will stay, but if you should leave,

I’ll let you go because I love you, more than you know.

Those lyrics described how deeply I was touched by love. But with those feelings, I was also filled with fear because I anticipated my close friends would soon be leaving me. I countered this with the brave acceptance that I would let them go.

One of the most beautiful parts of my story surrounding “More Than You Know” was the fact that the two friends I wrote it for are currently a part of my life. I let them go when I was 20 years old. Decades later, they reappeared in my life in different ways. There was definitely a lesson there about how letting them go was not forever.

When I revised my lyrics, my loved one had already left. Now, I expressed all the love I felt in order to help me let go. Changing the lyrics to fit my sadness about Jason dying allowed my song to be relatable to the loss of other people in my life later on.

One particular line of the revised lyrics that can cause a tear when I sing it is, “When the warmth of you did leave.” With those words, I picture the image of Jason’s cold body. But I also know that loss of warmth happens when someone has gone and is untouchable.

I wrote the lyric line, “I thought that you were mine” soon after Jason died; it took me a long time to accept that he was never mine to begin with. That is a very important concept. It was with that realization that I truly began to heal. Just by loving someone doesn’t make him or her belong to you.

This has also been important for me to realize with all of my living children. Sometimes it does take bravery to let someone go.

Letting go happens before someone leaves. And that was actually how I originally wrote my song.

My song also continues my theme of how I’ve incorporated love into my heart even when the person I love is not able to be physically touched. Like my song “Beside Me Always,” I hold onto the love and am comforted, while letting go of the physical person at the same time. Letting go is about acceptance.

As relatable as my song is in so many ways for me, there is one line that is not honest. I have left it there anyway because it brings a smile for me to know that what once might have been true isn’t any longer. The line, “How could I have guessed that our time would be my best?” just isn’t true anymore. I am positive that the absolute best time in my life is right now at this very moment.