Link to later stories, recordings, and performances:

ONLY TEARS

ONLY TEARS

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We were children; we grew up so fast

We were confused; our plans were so vast

With uncertain careers

I want to touch you

But I only feel tears

–

We were concerned; our future was scary

We were so close; soon I will marry

Childhood disappears . . .

I want to touch you, but I only feel tears

–

Oh, my friend, it won’t be long

Before our touch is a memory

One day we’ll be older; we’ll know where we are

We’ll still feel our love, though our lives may be far

–

We were so crazy and I love you today

Will we stay close?

You might move away

With the passage of years . . .

I want to touch you, but I only feel tears

–

Oh, my friend, it won’t be long

Before our touch is a memory

One day when we’re older; we’ll know where we are

We’ll still feel our love, though our lives may be far

–

Now that we’re older, our stories are clear

I’ll feel you with me; you may not be near

Our love perseveres

I want to touch you

But I only feel tears

–

–

Music and memories intertwine for me. I can clearly remember when I was twenty.

I lived a lifetime during a single day back then. At the beach with my friends, playing my guitar – I was complete. All of us knew those days were made in heaven.

There was a favorite 70’s song that I always played during that time. It fit in perfectly with the words: “Please, don’t let this feeling end – it’s everything I am, everything I want to be . . .”

Those lyrics were from the theme song “Ice Castles,” also called “Through the Eyes of Love.” My friends would take turns warbling through the verses and together we would all sail along on the chorus. We sang our hearts out and certainly wished those beautiful feelings would never end.

In 1980 six months before my wedding, I composed my song “Only Tears.”

I have so many beautiful memories of singing my song. It was dedicated to all my friends – but I felt it was especially for my friend, Cheryl. She loved this song and I remember when I first composed and shared it with her. Her doe eyes sparkled back at me and I am emotional just remembering that moment. 

I even sang my song aloud in the dressing room before my wedding took place.

Then not long after I was married in 1981, my music ended . . . 

Until almost 30 years later when I picked up my guitar again in 2010.–

 –

–

When Cheryl’s mother, Blanch, answered the phone that night, I was perturbed when she did not remember who I was. She said she didn’t feel well and hung up on me; it sounded like I had woken her up.

After that, I decided to call Cheryl’s brother. He didn’t answer, and I left a message. As I hung up the phone, I was sad.

The loss of my close friend was something I was alone with.

There was another reason that my grief for her had surfaced.

A few weeks before, I saw on Facebook that Cheryl’s daughter had gotten married. I felt both joy and sorrow, because I remembered how excited Cheryl was over my wedding, she loved being involved with all the planning – and even cared more about it than I did!

I just knew Cheryl was terribly missed at her eldest daughter’s wedding. I was glad her children were moving forward in their lives. I was happy for her husband who had remarried.

When I worked with George on the new arrangement, my eyes were bothering me. I tried not to focus on it and allowed my music to heal me. 

So it was on the night of Cheryl’s five-year death anniversary, that I began to sing vocals for my new arrangement. It definitely helped me feel better. 

Singing “Only Tears” soothed my sadness because I could hear Cheryl softly whispering in my ear. I imagined that somewhere in a distant sky she was hearing my voice. 

My grief was not lonely anymore. I was filled with love for her.

My original song sheet from 1980.

I had almost finished writing my post about my song. It was hard for me to believe that five years had flown by since Cheryl’s death.

My phone rang and I saw on the caller ID that it was Cheryl’s brother. I eagerly answered the phone – there was a lot of catching up for us to do.

When our phone call ended, I had to catch my breath.

It turned out that only a few days before I had called Cheryl’s mother, she had received a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.

–

 –

Feb 1, 2013

Dearest Cheryl, 
I know you cannot read this, but on this five-year anniversary of your death I feel the need to write to you. 
You are still alive in my heart. I think about you often and feel your presence. I hear your voice and your laughter. Sometimes, it’s so easy for me to picture us together. A smile spreads upon my face as I recall some of the most wonderful memories of my life. 
A few weeks ago, I saw on Facebook that your oldest daughter got married. A pang stabbed my heart. I was so sad that you weren’t there. I know that your absence was certainly felt, how I wish things were different. But life and death are mysterious and there are many things I do not understand. 
I remember how we used to dream about what the future held for us, as we wondered where our lives would go. Cheryl, I’m grateful for our memories. My tears are sweet and filled with love.

© 2013 Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.