Writing for my blog was not an option as I tried to manage my time. Both my parents had required my attention and energy, but for a few days things were calmer.
When the overwhelming urge became more than I could resist, I would write a post. Usually whatever I wrote was simply more material for the audio book I was compiling. Tonight I stopped to write this post even though it wasn’t for my book. I felt inspired.
Sometimes I was so eager to begin my day, I would start at 5 a.m. and often go to bed at 1 a.m. I had many choices of what I would work on. I could either record vocals or audio stories, edit those vocals and audio stories, or work on my unfinished stories.
Like a horse racing to the stable, I began to see that everything was coming together for me. My music had improved considerably. My singing voice felt comfortable and I loved the new sound of my songs. I would redo every song vocal to my satisfaction now that I had the ability to record at home. I had never used a computer for music before, but now I was adept enough to manage pasting vocal tracks together. Having my childhood friend, Steve, helping me made it possible.
When I began to read aloud my stories, it felt natural for me. Since the beginning of my writing, I’ve felt like I have a special gift. I have healed and my music and writing is very healing for others.
Sometimes it has been difficult to continue my pace. I receive phone calls from my parents throughout my day and visit them briefly but consistently. My children and husband accept that I am always on my computer. Sometimes my back hurts, but fortunately not very often.
I lost interest in performing. I maintained the memory of my songs by playing once a week at Border’s Bookstore on Sundays for an hour. I was not really playing much tennis, and welcomed the extra time that allowed for me to work on my music and writing. Putting on a few pounds wasn’t a great feeling, but I didn’t allow that to upset me.
I was focused and dedicated to reaching my goal. At this pace, I could see myself completing my audio book and promoting it fairly soon. I would actually have something I could share!
My book I might even generate some income to alleviate the pressure I’ve felt. With an income, I could continue to create so much more. This first book was only a fraction of what I could create!
Yesterday, even though it was extra time for me, I burned some CD’s to share with some close friends of mine. I had done some practice recordings of my stories. I was excited that I had something I could share. I mailed out the CD’s to two friends.
I had gone to bring my father some items today. I came home to write an email update because I had hardly written any messages, lately. I didn’t want my friends to worry about me.
I came home to a message on my answering machine.
As I listened to it, my smile grew and grew. I called my friend, Sonia, back. Sonia was a holocaust survivor and all of her family was killed when she was a young child. She said, “I listened to your CD and my son called and asked me why I didn’t answer the phone.” She said she sat and listened for over an hour and was unable to move. She thanked me and told me that I had healed her with my stories. I told her there were going to many more; I had forty for my first book and she had only listened to four of them.
I said, “If you were the only person that I healed, that would be enough for me!”
I meant it. My good friend had suffered unbelievable losses in her life and she said such beautiful things to me. I was overflowing and could hardly take in much more. My vision of success that was with me from the very beginning of my journey had become sharp and clear.
I just knew that I would heal many, many people. It wasn’t far off anymore either and I couldn’t wait.
Transcription of Sonia’s phone message:
Since I talked with you, I listened to your songs and your recorded book. I cannot express enough there is no word in dictionary to express the words about your recording. Your expression of mood, your recollections; your telling the story . . . I cried, I laughed, I was crying again – I was emotional. I had to go outside and breathe the air. It was something that transported me to my childhood. You did such an amazing job – I read a lot and I write a lot but I never experienced this kind of emotion listening to you.
You’re a genius. You should definitely continue writing the book. You’re so talented. I don’t have enough words to describe. Thank you so much for putting me in this kind of state of emotion. It brought up so much emotion from my life, from my childhood, from my parents, from my siblings – that I never saw them growing up, to ever be a teenager, and see my parents older and taking care of them
Judy, I don’t know what to tell you. Thank you so much for mailing me this tape. I will treasure this until the last of my breath. Thank you, Sonia.
Recent email messages:
Subject: Update on my parents
Date: June 8, 2011
I have been very focused on my music, recording, and writing, lately – in between keeping up with my parents and family.
I didn’t want to leave things hanging about my father. He was released from hospital late last night and is at his former, nursing facility. He is frail, with an IV and catheter. The IV antibiotics will be administered for another five days and it doesn’t seem to be a concern that his MRSA is contagious.
The plan would be for my father to return to his other independent living situation in a couple weeks when he is stronger. He has two months to recuperate and then have surgery for his kidney stones. I plan to take him to an arthroscopic specialist to see if that could still be an option for him.
My mother’s dementia waxes and wanes on a daily basis. I receive several phone calls every day from both my parents. I saw both of them almost every day for the past four days.
Despite that, I’ve gotten a lot done on my audio book and things are progressing nicely for me!
I am doing great!
DEAR JUDY, I THINK OF YOU AND I AM W/ YOU ALL THE TIME. I READ YOUR BLOG ABOUT YOUR PARENTS W/ PICTURES AND I COULDN’T STOP THE TEARS. I READ ALMOST ALL YOUR E-MAILS AND I LEARNED A LOT …YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING …NOT A CHOICE AT SOME POINT ..IT IS SCARY, BUT IT IS TRUE AND WE HAVE TO FACE IT …MY FAITH IN GOD HELPS ME TO GO THROUGH THE DAY AND KEEP MY SANITY …I AM SO GLAD TO KNOW YOU ARE STILL WORKING ON YOUR AUDIO BOOK AND MAKING PROGRESS AND ALSO DESPITE ALL THE PROBLEMS YOU SAY YOU ARE DOING GREAT …AND I SAY GOD BLESS YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION FOR MANY PEOPLE!
ALL MY LOVE, MAGDA
Subject: Re: Last night recording
Date: June 6, 2011
Sometime take a picture of your closet recording studio. Curious to see it. 🙂
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