I have written that “my songs are my babies,” and preparing a song for recording was “like giving birth.”

That is such a powerful analogy. I remember well how painful childbirth was. And of course, I love my children deeply and that is not truly the emotion I feel for the music I discarded for three decades!

Still, being creative has been both painful and magical for me. I have loved what I’ve been doing, but recently I’ve started feeling tremendous pressure. Sometimes that pressure has me almost paralyzed.

Once again, the image of Cinderella has enveloped me. I have felt like Cinderella at the ball; giddy with the thrill of being someone I’ve never been. My life went from dingy and grey into “a waltz through a palace!” My heart was light as joy radiated from me.

However, it is not possible for me to stay there. My ordinary life is no longer dingy and grey, but it is certainly not a palace. Unfortunately, I do not have the luxury to continue to waltz around.

Perhaps this started for me with the property tax bill, or with almost reaching the end of our equity-line loan limit. My husband, who has been very supportive of my ventures, asked me if we had money to plan a vacation soon. I have been very perplexed trying to sort that one out.

The reality has become that my wonderful, “creative sabbatical” cannot continue indefinitely.

On Saturday morning, I entered Connie’s guesthouse for my hypnotherapy session. She truly wanted to help me with this.

Through a discovery process using imagery, I was able to describe the squeezing sensation of pressure that has begun to paralyze me. It was fascinating for me to visualize my pressure as a large belt tightening around me until I could barely breathe.

She asked me to speak to my image.

I did. I said many things. What was significant was that I said goodbye to that image. And my own words that were the most helpful for me were these:

“Pressure is not necessarily a bad thing. With this pressure comes the motivation to succeed. If I were to continue this way, I might not share with as many people than if I took the chance to actually sell something. A book is much easier to share than a blog. In the end, I might reach more people that way and I could financially continue to do what I’ve enjoyed so much.”

I have been a “one woman production company.” I’ve edited voice lessons, recorded and composed songs, performed, and written my blog posts. At this point in time, my focus has begun to adapt my enormous blog into a book.

I just realized that “fear of failure” is not a good reason to wait anymore.

I sent this letter to my parents when I was eighteen-years-old and attending a month long camp retreat away from home. Reading it reminded me of how much music was a part of my life then! The line at the bottom continued on the back. Those kids were sent home for smoking pot! The song that I wrote and performed was “Farewell.”

I must say goodbye to my “Cinderella” image for a while.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.