THE PAINS AND JOYS OF WHAT WE ARE

The Pains and Joys of What We Are. Written 8/23/79 by Carol for Judy.

In February of this year, I dug inside the two, file boxes in my closet that were filled with memorabilia of my life. My boxes held hundreds of cards, letters, and interesting items going back to preschool..

Last night, I opened the boxes again. I wanted to see if I had any cards from my friend, Carol. I will be seeing her this week for the first time after thirty-one years! I thought it might be interesting to find some cards to add to my story. I ended up with a stack of new material!

In addition to the two, file boxes. I have one very special box that was made for me on my twenty-first birthday by my friend, Bonnie. I never mention Bonnie because I’ve been sad that we lost touch when Jason was ill. I sent her a letter asking why I didn’t hear from her, and never got a response.

Bonnie and I traveled to the east coast before my formal wedding. It was my first experience on a commercial airplane (Mike had arranged for me to go on a small plane a few weeks before). I was also my first experience of being far away from home. I have wonderful memories of that trip.

I’ve often wondered if I’ll reconnect with Bonnie again someday.

Bonnie and I had a lot of adventures together.

 

Inside my special box were many cards from Cheryl, some of which I already had scanned and put into the book I made for her before she died.

It was in there that I found some cards from Carol. As I read a certain one, I was simply astounded. It was beautiful!

I decided to share it with her this morning.

Inside my “special box.”

My wood-laminated memory box given to me by my friend, Bonnie. We were very close. I wish I had a copy of the picture of me with my guitar on the phone on the left side of the cover.

 

On Nov 2, 2010, Judy wrote:

Good morning, Carol!

My journey has been so fascinating for me. I have no idea why, but I decided to go back into my memorabilia boxes last night.

I realized that I hadn’t shared any cards from you and wanted to find something! Well, I came across an amazing note that you wrote to me after our evening at the Hollywood Bowl. I could scarcely believe it!

Here’s a transcription of your note (as well as the actual note).

Love, Judy

Ps. It was beautiful writing, by the way.

For Judy

We have long agreed

that no earthly force

can sever our bond of friendship

much have we shared,

so many trials of our unity;

now, this ultimate test.

All that was unsaid

is now divulged;

A floodgate has opened, unforeseen.

How could we have known

What words our confidence would lead to?

Our heads are spinning,

Our insecurities aroused.

Are we strong enough

To stay afloat

in this torrent of disclosure?

But I know the answer.

My trust in you,

In us,

Supersedes all doubt.

I trust you with my life and soul,

I have faith in your understanding.

If our love is worth

Anything at all

And I know that

It is worth the world to us,

Then it will but grow stronger

And we will be ever closer,

Better able to share

The pains and joys of what we are.

I love you, Carol

I know, I know – I’ve shown myself in a bikini enough already!

 

On Nov 2, 2010, Carol wrote:

Oh, my word, Judy. I don’t know what to say. I don’t remember writing that poem and I feel so chastened and sorry that in spite of my affirmations of love and trust, we still lost touch. Still, I know that I meant every word. And I have missed you so much over the years. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so looking forward to seeing you on Thursday!

Love, Carol

Carol,

The LAST thing I would want is for you to feel chastened! We both stayed out of touch – it wasn’t just you. And honestly, for me to read such a BEAUTIFUL poem written for me – I am still so honored. It doesn’t matter that we lost touch. The feelings were there.

I was unable to maintain friendship with anyone for many of those 30 years. So how much better it is now that I am open again and happy to reconnect!!!!

Love, Judy

 

I found a lot of wonderful items in those boxes. I was thinking my blog was reaching a final destination with the end of my song recordings; however, I have a large stack of items to scan now.

Once again, the “writer inside” of me has emerged. I can’t believe how much I still want to write about!

I have continued to correspond with Sam, and it has been very interesting for me. He has been reading my blog. Sam was very complimentary when he suggested a career opportunity for me that could “provide me with a steady stream of revenue.”

I replied to him and felt myself twist into knots as I wrote my response. It was the reminder of how much I had tormented myself with the career change that was thrust upon me five years ago.

It was then that I had so much clarity! I clearly am going to continue to do exactly what I am doing regardless of revenue.

Although I’m sorry if this affects my family, I am finally going to live the rest of my life doing what I love. I have made a lot of sacrifices through the years, and I am not waiting any longer to be alive. Being creative is my life force! Without it, I feel my heart shriveling up and dying inside.

I will do whatever is necessary to maintain this creative renaissance.

I am confident of my value, and I cannot see myself doing anything other than what I am doing.

My creative writing back then was cute – a “nasty recipe!” I wrote this when I was thirteen-years-old.

 

This really had me cracking up! 

A recent picture from performing at Kulak’s Woodshed in North Hollywood.

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!
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