I have been having repetitive thoughts, lately.

However, Instead of sadness my head and my heart has been hearing music. I can’t stop singing my songs, or wanting to listen to them.

Last week, I dug into my computer drawer to find something I had put there. When I found it, I couldn’t believe that it had been two years! While looking to sell a wheelchair on Craigslist, I “explored” some other ads. There was an ad that intrigued me. It said:

SINGERS/SONGWRITERS RECORDING STUDIO Record your song on C.D. – with Musician/Engineer/Arranger. Complete 48 track Pro tools productions in a relaxed home atmosphere. Lots of keyboards, and Akai MPC 2000 Drum machine. Most pop styles, all skill levels, including Karaoke. If you have talent, but are afraid to get started, this is the place for you. If you have lyrics or poetry, I can write music for it. If you can sing but don’t know how to get started, I can guide you through. Let me help you sound great. $35 per hour. Call George 9:00 A.M. to 9:00 P.M.

When I found the ad at the bottom of my drawer, I was thrilled.

I called George and set up an appointment. I described myself as a music lover from the 70’s. I used Carol King, as an example. She wrote songs, and she didn’t have a “killer voice.”

I told him, “It’s not too late, baby!”

I was talking about myself. I am hoping there’s still a chance for a 50-year-old woman like me to succeed!

When I showed up at his home, yesterday, it was very magical for me.

I practiced singing in my car as I drove to his studio. If you see a middle-aged lady singing on the freeway, it might be me!

Unfortunately, I am human. I was not prepared for the rigors of music recording! I had gotten home very late the night before with my daughter. I had yelled at her a little too much earlier.

I followed his directions and walked to the back of the property. George lived in a tiny, guesthouse. I shook his hand. He was a slender, nice-looking man with silver hair. He was very gracious and humble.

Here is what George said to me when I walked in.

“Wow, why did you wait two years to call me?”

I didn’t want to think about what I had been doing the last two years. Only six months ago, my life was so hellish – no one could have convinced me I’d be doing this today!

Now I am spending money on myself for:

1. voice lessons

2. tennis lessons

3. recording sessions

Why did I wait so long? I never hesitated to give my children lessons. For thirty years, I didn’t think I deserved to spend any money on myself. I was very sad and had little joy.

I told George my story.

I shared with him that I have decided this was the time for me to live my dreams.

I played a few songs for George. I asked him to pick which one we’d work on. He picked “Beside Me Always.”

Before we began working on that song, I told him about the loss of my child, Jason. The lyrics were related to that. He was definitely touched.

George told me that I was the boss. He said he could record me “as is,” or I could let him add some arrangements to my song. That sounded intriguing!

He quickly worked out the chords on his keyboard. My guitar was finally tuned to a “normal” key. He added a beat. It was really challenging for me! I always add pauses, and sing at “my own speed.” The drumbeat made me crazy!

George said, “If you want a professional sound, you have to follow a beat.”

We worked for three hours. I recorded the guitar track with headphones on listening to the arrangement. It was no easy feat to stay with the beat. This was such a new experience for me!

Finally it was time to sing. My voice was gone!

I lamented to George, “I’m not a very good singer!”

He said, “If you tell yourself that, you’ll never succeed. Where is the heartfelt singer you were when you first sang your song for me? Come on! I don’t feel you! GIVE ME YOUR PASSION!”

We did another few takes. I was croaking. I left with a CD, but I couldn’t listen to my voice. I hated my voice again.

I have an appointment again next week. This time, I will have George record my voice when I first come in. I’ll be all “full of energy” and ready to sing. I will do an acoustic version with my guitar only.

Steven said he’d join us.

I am loving my life!

When I sang, I concentrated and put all of my emotions into it!

© Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.