I want to share the attachments of our love. She might be gone, but love never dies. I have learned that from Jason.
My story will follow later on, because the attachments are what tell the deeper story.
The very first thing I want to share is a letter from her that I found while going through Jason’s box.
There were many, many sympathy cards to look at. I came across a handwritten note on notebook paper. It was crumpled and didn’t look like much. As I read it, I cried deeply. I knew I cried reading it in the past, because there were tear stains on it.
Cheryl’s note was a perfect example of an outpouring of love from her heart. I cannot help but cry each and every time that I read it. I cry because I can feel her love for me.
Transcription of the letter Cheryl sent to me after Jason died:
I have thought about you every day since Jason died. So many times I have sat down to write you and didn’t know what to say. Please forgive my belated response.
Though we haven’t seen each other much over the past few years, I know through our conversations and occasional visits that you are both good parents. Jason was lucky to be born into a family who gave him so much love and were committed to doing what needed to be done (as difficult as it may have been) to keep him happy and healthy.
You had some difficult decisions to make about his care but you got the necessary information and advice and made good, sound, decision in yours and Jason’s best interest. You need to know that those were the best decisions for Jason – even if things didn’t turn out the way you prayed and hoped they would. You are good parents. I was always impressed with your strength and determination.
I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling – I just hope that you are getting the support you need from family and friends. Feeling the pain and letting others help you or listen to you will help you heal in time. I know that you will always miss Jason. I’m glad that he was able to be a part of your family for as long as he was.
I hope you find comfort in knowing that you extended his life, as short as it was. Your love, your energy, your attention, your concern kept Jason alive. He was so lucky to have you as parents.
I will wait to call you. I don’t want to push if you aren’t ready to talk. I hope that my words have offered you some comfort.
You are always in my thoughts. Please give your son a kiss for me.
In 2006, Cheryl’s breast cancer had spread to her bones.
I made a special book for Cheryl to give her. It took me about six months, and I learned a lot about utilizing my computer from the experience of compiling that book.
When she received it, she called me and left a message on my answering machine. I left that message on my machine for a year. Finally I decided to take it off. I recorded it onto a cassette, because I couldn’t bear to erase her voice. It meant so very much to me. Listening to her voice, I can feel her with me again.
However, the grief I feel overwhelms me, no matter how many times I’ve listened to her message.
I search for her everywhere and feel her with me when I am singing. I can hear her speak to me sometimes. I’m convinced that she and Jason must be together somewhere.
Her phone message is below, and I’ve transcribed it since the audio is of poor quality:
Judy, it’s Cheryl.
I just opened the present and I don’t even know what to say! I sat there reading it – crying, smiling, laughing – it is the most special, unbelievable present I have ever, ever received and I will treasure it always – Because it just brings back such wonderful memories and the feelings in our friendship.
So give me a call or email me, or something. I just wanted to let you know that I’m just blown away by this beautiful, beautiful gift. Thank you so much; I love you. I’m doing well; my scans were good – and I get a break for a while. They’re going to keep an eye on me. But, you know, things are going okay right now. So, thank you for all your love, and energy, and strength that you send this way. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, bye.
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