Flower Medley closeup 3

My post title is a line of lyrics from my song named “It’s Not Forever.” (Link to that song story: IT’S NOT FOREVER-PART 1 )

My first post for 2016 is a medley of comments I’ve written to other people. I have learned so much from grief and that continues to this day.

My own words uplift me; I want to stay positive on my personal journey of insight.

Between the comments, I’ve inserted images of close-ups of my original watercolor paintings.

hydrangea cropped

I know you want him back. What helped me a lot was to realize that this separation is about seeing him in a different form. He is not there to touch and hold. But he is still with you – in your mind and in your soul. He will never leave you that way and he will give you strength and courage to go on and find your life again.

You have a life ahead of you that will unfold in ways you cannot imagine right now. You don’t need to look ahead, just hold him in your heart always and let him speak to you. That will get you through. It is very hard. It is the hardest thing you will ever go through in this life.

ps. I am crying for you because I remember that pain.

Garden rock close-up

It is sad to imagine a destination of everlasting heartache. But look behind and see how far you have come. The road is softer now. I used to argue with people who offered me hope. The best way now for me to help others is to simply be an example of my own healing. It is possible. Long ago it was unbelievable for me and now it is my reality.

Yellow roses cropped

There is no going back. I mourned my loss and also the person I was. But eventually I adjusted because I had no choice.

People Mag close up 2

The hardest part was taking that first step out of the rut. It is going to get better – you deserve more from life and you are going to get it!

Flower Flat closeup

I became pregnant a month after my son died. So much of what you wrote I experienced, as well. You are welcome to write to me anytime for support. I remember when I delivered my youngest son (6 years after my son died) – I cried uncontrollably for an hour afterwards. The spasms of grief continued for many years for me. I understand. I pray for moments of peacefulness and relief for you. They are possible. I found that my living children were my best salve – there is a joy from that no one could imagine except a bereaved parent. And one day, I can offer you hope because my pain has eased into something bearable and actually inspiring.

Flower Medley closeup 2

I want to encourage you not to fall into the “guilt trap.” Letting go of grief doesn’t mean you loved your daughter any less. It’s okay to acknowledge your pain, but you must take care of yourself any way you can – even if you have to take meds. I had to take a sleeping pill every night and did that for 18 years after my son’s death! But I don’t anymore. As you know, grief will continue to raise it’s ugly head – eventually, it will be less of a shock. And the moments where you feel better will become more frequent – allow them!

Flower Medley closeup 4

There are people who die from their broken heart every day – that wish to join your dead son is a powerful one. It may be true that the loss of a child is THE WORST. But no one can truly know another persons’ pain.

I want you to heal. Your pain is unbearable. It is worse than anyone else’s because no one else loved your son as you did. I look forward to the day when you’ll know that having THE WORST pain is over. It won’t be as horrible. Hang in there!

Dreams are fuel for our soul. They cost nothing and help us overcome fear and despair. Your writing is touching. Doubt is poison – push it aside and keep writing. There is magic when you dream and I am certain you will find it again. Grief has a way of ripping our heart into pieces and dreams are the salve.

Garden Path closeup

It is not your destiny to suffer. I pray for some hope to gently whisper something into your ear. Listen carefully, because it will come. Grief can cause total devastation, but like after a fire burns – growth and life are possible again.

Flower Pot closeup

© 2016 by Judy Unger and Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!
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  1. Jae says:

    Thank you for your kind words and beautiful paintings, Judy. I too have had to suffer through grief from loss and know for myself that allowing oneself to heal is very important. I hope more people can reach your words so that they know that they are never alone.

    P.S. If you didn’t point out that the images were watercolor paintings, I’d have believed that some of them were actual pictures taken from nature!


    • Judy says:

      Jae, I am so sorry you have suffered from grief and I couldn’t agree with you more about “allowing” for healing. Oftentimes, guilt gets in the way of that. I do hope more people could read my words; I want so much to offer them hope and comfort.
      My photorealistic watercolor paintings are often mistaken for photos and you’re right – that was why I mentioned it. I really appreciate your words – thank you so much for your comment!


  2. jmgoyder says:

    What an extraordinarily beautiful post. I am printing it out so I can remember its wisdom. Much love and gratitude to you, Judy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy says:

      Oh, Julie – you honor me. I do hope my words could help you because you have been in a tunnel of grief for a long time. There is no way going back or going forward for you; you are trapped in a dark place. One day you’ll look back and wonder how you made it through. I’ll remind you – it was because of your love illuminating the way.


  3. StevedeMena says:

    Wow Judy, don’t think I’ve seen these watercolors before. They have a style I perceive as distinct, yet similar, to most of your other work. They’d all look good together displayed in a gallery. (Maybe not the closeup yellowish one).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy says:

      Thank you, Steve. All that I did was closely crop into my favorite floral paintings. They really are large and lend themselves to closeups. Most of my work cannot be sold as original art because the medium is fleeting – dye. The colors have faded considerably already on some of my originals.


  4. ra_hansen says:

    You are touching so many people’s lives. I am fortunate not to have suffered the losses described here, and to be honest the thought of it terrifies me. But, this reminds me that there are many different types of pain and how important it is for people like you, who have survived, to act as a guide for others. I’m glad you are there helping to light people’s way!


    • Judy says:

      Thank you so much, Rachel. If I help even one person – it really gives my life purpose. And even sharing it with people who haven’t experienced this kind of loss, helps to shine compassion for the survivors. Grief takes us to places of strength we never believed possible.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Trish says:

    Grief is something that has no time limit. Each day is a step towards healing and I believe that your art work has been a factor in helping you through that difficult time in your life. No one every knows the pain another feels, especially when it involves the loss of a child. You are a brave soul, thank you for sharing your story. I think you will be a lifeline for others.


    • Judy says:

      Wow, thank you so much, Trish. I hope I can help others – as lonely as grief feels, so many people experience it and we can reach out to share our pain and gain support. I appreciate you comment very much – thank you so much for reading.


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