My post title is a line of lyrics from my song named “It’s Not Forever.” (Link to that song story: IT’S NOT FOREVER-PART 1 )
My first post for 2016 is a medley of comments I’ve written to other people. I have learned so much from grief and that continues to this day.
My own words uplift me; I want to stay positive on my personal journey of insight.
Between the comments, I’ve inserted images of close-ups of my original watercolor paintings.
I know you want him back. What helped me a lot was to realize that this separation is about seeing him in a different form. He is not there to touch and hold. But he is still with you – in your mind and in your soul. He will never leave you that way and he will give you strength and courage to go on and find your life again.
You have a life ahead of you that will unfold in ways you cannot imagine right now. You don’t need to look ahead, just hold him in your heart always and let him speak to you. That will get you through. It is very hard. It is the hardest thing you will ever go through in this life.
ps. I am crying for you because I remember that pain.
It is sad to imagine a destination of everlasting heartache. But look behind and see how far you have come. The road is softer now. I used to argue with people who offered me hope. The best way now for me to help others is to simply be an example of my own healing. It is possible. Long ago it was unbelievable for me and now it is my reality.
There is no going back. I mourned my loss and also the person I was. But eventually I adjusted because I had no choice.
The hardest part was taking that first step out of the rut. It is going to get better – you deserve more from life and you are going to get it!
I became pregnant a month after my son died. So much of what you wrote I experienced, as well. You are welcome to write to me anytime for support. I remember when I delivered my youngest son (6 years after my son died) – I cried uncontrollably for an hour afterwards. The spasms of grief continued for many years for me. I understand. I pray for moments of peacefulness and relief for you. They are possible. I found that my living children were my best salve – there is a joy from that no one could imagine except a bereaved parent. And one day, I can offer you hope because my pain has eased into something bearable and actually inspiring.
I want to encourage you not to fall into the “guilt trap.” Letting go of grief doesn’t mean you loved your daughter any less. It’s okay to acknowledge your pain, but you must take care of yourself any way you can – even if you have to take meds. I had to take a sleeping pill every night and did that for 18 years after my son’s death! But I don’t anymore. As you know, grief will continue to raise it’s ugly head – eventually, it will be less of a shock. And the moments where you feel better will become more frequent – allow them!
There are people who die from their broken heart every day – that wish to join your dead son is a powerful one. It may be true that the loss of a child is THE WORST. But no one can truly know another persons’ pain.
I want you to heal. Your pain is unbearable. It is worse than anyone else’s because no one else loved your son as you did. I look forward to the day when you’ll know that having THE WORST pain is over. It won’t be as horrible. Hang in there!
Dreams are fuel for our soul. They cost nothing and help us overcome fear and despair. Your writing is touching. Doubt is poison – push it aside and keep writing. There is magic when you dream and I am certain you will find it again. Grief has a way of ripping our heart into pieces and dreams are the salve.
It is not your destiny to suffer. I pray for some hope to gently whisper something into your ear. Listen carefully, because it will come. Grief can cause total devastation, but like after a fire burns – growth and life are possible again.
© 2016 by Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.