Bouquet with Daisies

What is an alternative to forcing someone to apologize? I believe that would be forgiveness.


Forgiveness is a choice to stop punishing the other person. It allows for a real relationship instead of a power struggle. It is a gift that elevates and enriches our life.

A gift that is demanded is not truly a gift.


Therefore, instead of demanding something – bestowing forgiveness is freeing.



Some synonyms for forgiveness are: mercy, pardoning, compassion and understanding.


To forgive is loving and life affirming. Sometimes forgiveness is viewed as being weak. But to forgive someone is actually elevating and liberating – it takes strength and courage.


Iris Group

But for many people this can be quite difficult. What stands in the way of forgiveness? The best word I can think of is righteousness.


Holding onto righteousness leads to being imprisoned with superiority and self-importance. It is about power and insisting that the other person tell a lie and bow down to you. It is arrogant and isolating.

The need to “be right” and controlling, essentially leads to being alone.




Two Flower bunches

How does one find forgiveness when they believe they’ve done nothing wrong? Forgive the righteous one because this leads to inner peace.


Forgiveness means that you have reached a point where you will forgive, whether or not it is asked for. Forgiveness is not condoning or agreeing that what happened was okay – but it is about letting go.



How interesting it is that the word “give” can be found within the word “forgiveness.”


Inner peace is far more valuable than turmoil.


Rosebud right

When we forgive someone, ultimately it is a gift to ourselves!

Rosebud - Yellow left

© Judy Unger and 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!
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  1. Marilyn de Mena says:

    Terrific–very interesting and I enjoyed the art work, too.


  2. Becky Gonhue says:

    Beautifully written and illustrated as usual, Judy!


  3. The art work is amazingly beautiful! I have to say I never thought of forgiveness as a way to stop punishing someone. Well maybe I think of it as a way to stop punishing myself. I have always seen forgiveness as a gift to the person who feels hurt. When I forgive it lightens my heart and I feel better about myself. In some ways I feel I don’t have the right judge and think forgiveness is not really mine to give except as it applies to making me feel free of negative feelings. I am not sure I am able to communicate what I want to here. I hope you understand.

    You are so talented!! Your art is just another form of your shining ability to create.


    • Judy says:

      I think you make perfect sense and I love your thoughtful additions to my post.

      In this case, when the demanded apology wasn’t forthcoming punishment meant that the relationship was severed. This simply wrecks the relationship for both people and doesn’t help achieve anything. Thank you so much for your compliments on my artwork. I thought flowers went perfectly with those sentiments. 🙂


  4. I want to add that forgiveness is not the same as saying what someone did is ok. I have heard over the years from many patients that somehow if they forgive they think they are saying what was done is ok. I’m not sure how something so simple has become so complicated. I guess it is human nature


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