Across the world, in South Africa, a mother and daughter are preparing themselves to say goodbye. Tersia is the mother; Vicky is her daughter who is dying. A month ago, I discovered Tersia’s blog and began corresponding with them.
I decided to dedicate a song to them. I performed my song in order to share it with them (because I do not have a recording setup for vocals in my new apartment yet.) I emailed a recording of my performance to Tersia.
On Dec 30, 2012, Tersia wrote:
Dear Judy:
I deliberately did not open your email, yesterday. I knew that I would cry and I wasn’t ready for tears . . . Things are really very difficult at the moment! I played this song to Vic tonight. We had a long discussion about “letting go.” It was as if an angel prevented me from opening the email until the time was ripe.
Vic has this insane fear that we will forget her…. Your song’s words were comforting and reaffirming to her tonight. It brought some solace to her soul.
I don’t have words so I shall only say, “Thank you, Judy,” from the bottom of our hearts.
Fond regards, Tersia
Dearest Tersia,
I am floored that you wrote to me while your daughter is dying at home. My heart breaks for all of you! Deep down, I didn’t imagine you would be able to read my email or listen to anything with what you are dealing with. I know that you’ve received hundreds of messages, and I am so honored you found a moment to write to me.
What courage you had to share this with Vicky! Let her know that this song will continue on and inspire many, many people. But most of all it is for you. You can channel all of your love to combat the black hole of grief because you know she WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU!
Instead of you thanking me, I am thanking you! I am crying because there is so much meaning to my life to be able to share these things with you and Vic! Thank you for allowing me to do that!
Thinking of you both with love, Judy
Clicking the blue link below will play the instrumental version of my song:
An Update on Tersia and Vicky
Tersia’s blog can be accessed with the following link: Vicky’s Final Journey
How does a person blog when dealing with a life crisis? I can answer that. When my father was dying, I left his bedside at the hospital to come home at night. But instead of sleeping, I would write in order to release my emotions.
Since my last update about Tersia and Vicky, a lot was left to my imagination. Mostly, I prayed that Vicky’s pain was manageable. There were no updates from Tersia for a few days. But then her posting began.
For certain, the pictures that she shared are what truly spoke.
On the post “Happy Birthday to You,” Tersia wrote about feelings on her birthday, knowing very well that it would be the last one where she still had her daughter alive. Her post shared sweet memories; somehow, Vicky was convinced to go into a swimming pool. In South Africa where they live, I guess it isn’t winter!
Tersia with her beloved daughter, Vicky
Tomorrow may be better than yesterday
January 3, 2013
Vic is rapidly deteriorating. Last night the nausea was absolutely relentless. With no food in her stomach Vic vomited blood. Her vitals are very unstable and I thought that she would not survive the night. I cried and slept in her bed with her.
Today Sr. Siza tried to put up an IV drip. Vic has absolutely no veins left that are suitable for a drip. The sub-cutaneous driver is back up. At this stage of the game the risk of cellulitis is less than the need for pain and symptom control. We will reposition the subcutaneous driver as and when we need to.
Dr. Sue suggested that Vic be admitted to hospital. Vic refused.
On the 1st of January 2013, Stepping Stone Hospice and Palliative Care started operating. It is pretty ironic that Vic may well be our first death.
But then again, tomorrow may be better than yesterday…. Today was better than last night.
Vicky and her son, Jared
© 2013 by Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com. Tersia Burger and http://www.tersiaburger.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Tags: Caregiving, child's death, death, death of a child, dying, end of life, Friendship, grief, grief bereavement "Loss of a Child", GRIEF RELATED, Hospice, impending death, inspiration, loss, lovesong, lyric writing, lyrics, mother daughter relationship, motherhood, Music, original songs, palliative Care, terminal illness, terminally ill, writing
January 3, 2013 at 1:39 pm |
I’m sorry, this makes me so sad…
January 3, 2013 at 2:05 pm |
It is very sad.
But this is real life happening. It is everywhere around us, but hard to look at. I find that I seek things out like this because it gives me deep appreciation for all the blessings in my own life.